How likely can a relationship survive an abortion? Like statistically? (men, statistics)
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My gf had an abortion 3 weeks ago. We've been together 3 years and live together. I think I want to marry her eventually not quite ready though now. The thing is up until all of this my gf was against abortions of pretty much all kinds. It was a big issue because I didn't think she was at all ready and I didn't feel like our relationship was ready for that and we're still in our very early 20's still in debt and just out of school she doesn't even have a job and she had no plan. She still occasionally even smokes pot. Well she used to. The thing is now she has always blamed me for everything and we have been arguing more nowadays. I understand people deal with things differently but it's like this is a more self destructive way she's taking. Anyhow I'm wondering how likely do relationships like this survive this kind of thing?
Therein lies your answer. She did something that went against all of her principles, and she isn't handling it well. If you said all of those things to her, she's got that going on in her mind right now. If you really like her, seek counseling for both of you. (Did you ever talk about giving up for adoption as an alternative?)
I've known couples that have gone on to have happy marriages and happy families after having an abortion but that doesn't mean that every couple can do so. I'm curious as to what you mean when you say that you were more supportive of her getting an abortion than she was. Did you want her to get an abortion? Do you push her toward that decision?
Your relationship can survive if it was strong to begin with. It's only been three weeks so give her some time to emotionally heal before you do anything drastic.
I've been really supportive of her decision to terminate actually more than she was. It was like she couldn't make up her mind.
during she was also blaming for the decision.
She wasn't far along at all. She never even looked pregnant. She was like not even 8 weeks.
8 weeks is somewhat far along for an abortion, if you consider that the window is the first 3 months. Some abortion providers won't allow it after that, except for extenuating circumstances.
I think the poster who said she's having a hard time because what she did went against her convictions hit the nail on the head. She's blaming you instead of herself. And you helped her make the decision, so you're in the line of fire. It sounds like she would benefit from a few counseling sessions about it, to get help resolving the conflict in her mind, and the guilt. And by the way, any counselor is required to provide complete confidentiality. It's a safe place for her to talk about her feelings and get help sorting through everything.
I've been really supportive of her decision to terminate actually more than she was. It was like she couldn't make up her mind.
during she was also blaming for the decision.
Honestly, this sounds like it could be interpreted as, "She couldn't make up her mind, so I talked her into it". As much as I think a man (who is in relationship with the woman considering an abortion and not just some one night stand) should have some involvement in the decision making, it also means it leaves you open to her blaming you for it. She was indecisive and your idea of "being more supportive of her decision to terminate than she was" translates in her mind to "I wasn't sure about this decision but he pushed me to do it and I resent him for it". It's compounded by the fact that she has strong convictions against abortion.
Talk to her, get her to talk to you. Tell her you understand why she's blaming you, but that you were just trying to be supportive and you're sorry if it came across as you pushing her to get it done. You may need couples therapy, or she may need therapy on her own to get passed the fact that she did something she thinks is immoral.
Please note that this website is a theological anti abortion website. It is hardly a neutral source of information.
Yep. Read the landing page. Top story right now is how same-sex marriage "endangers" religious liberty.
It appears to be a far-right Catholic site. At the bottom of the landing page it says, "In association with: The Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate."
8 weeks is somewhat far along for an abortion, if you consider that the window is the first 3 months. Some abortion providers won't allow it after that, except for extenuating circumstances.
You really think so? 13 weeks is the deadline here, so 8 weeks does not seem that far.
You really think so? 13 weeks is the deadline here, so 8 weeks does not seem that far.
I'm not sure, but I think the OP was thinking in terms of the 9 months of pregnancy, so I was introducing the idea that the count is different for abortions. Also, by 8 weeks, there's a pretty solid level of hormones pouring into the system. There can be morning sickness beginning, a sign of the hormonal level, compared to 3-4 weeks. This was in regard to my theory that she could be going through hormonal withdrawal and related emotional issues or depression. But now I think that Wolf In The Snow's theory is closer to the truth; she's struggling with the fact that she went against her values in getting the abortion. Though the hormonal change could still play a role.
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