Am I overreacting??? (marry, husband, kids, advice)
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Yes exactly. We can sit here and get on the BF but in reality, she is in it with him as well. It's not all him because she is an enabler using very bad judgment that any reasonable and or prudent person would call bad judgment.
It's not so much bad judgment to be up at 3:30 cleaning and cooking because she may have the pressure by the BF. But the fact that she remains in this situation and complains that he isn't doing his part is what I am not understanding.
He's already in bed and tired, and you come in and start chomping on snacks and watching tv? Ha! Then you're upset at him for saying/doing something about it?
For the most part my bf is a good loving caring and supportive person but on the other hands he's very selfish and I find myself constantly mad at him, hating him and wanting more. In the beginning I did whatever he asked WHENEVER he asked, however I don't anymore. He wants sex NO he wants a massage NO... Basically all the small things I use to enjoy I now hate... Why? He doesn't do anything for me. Don't get me wrong he's not completely worthless but when I really want something from him like a massage after a long day, he ******* and complains. I want sex... He's not horny, I want help cleaning up or taking out trash when it becomes to much for me to handle, he tells me that's my job, . We both provide financially sometimes I bring home a bigger check then him. On top of all that he expects me to cook clean and tend to our daughter while he just lays around and watches TV. In the end he helps but he nags and ******* and complains.
REAL STORY: two nights ago we went grocery shopping at 12am and got home pretty late. When we got home he wanted me to cook dinner I told him I was exhausted and didn't have the energy. I put away all the groceries away by myself, cleaned out the cabinets, took out the trash washed dishes and put all the food away. That took me almost 2 hours. It took so long because I kept taking breaks because my back was aching. It was around 2:30am. Once I finished I took a shower and made us chilli dogs because it was simple. The entire night I complained my back was killing me REMIND YOU I'm 4 months pregnant. While he's eating I put our daughter to sleep. I make me a bowl of fruit its about 3:30 I get in bed and he begins to nag asking me why am I eating and that he's tired and I should go in the living room. He cuts the TV off and I become FURIOUS. I'm pregnant, its 3 am I've been on my feet 3 hours cleaning and shopping and he gets mad because I'm eating a snack? He can be extremely incentive at times and he takes all I do for granted and doesn't appreciate it. On top of that
Plz chime in...
I was about to say, "Your relationship is over" before I got to the part where you two have a daughter, and another child on the way. And you're not married? Well, I guess that means you won't have a divorce to go through. You do realize, though, that it also means he can walk at any time? And there's no incentive for him to go into couples counseling with you?
I still think this relationship is over. Can you move in with your parents?
REAL STORY: two nights ago we went grocery shopping at 12am and got home pretty late. When we got home he wanted me to cook dinner I told him I was exhausted and didn't have the energy. I put away all the groceries away by myself, cleaned out the cabinets, took out the trash washed dishes and put all the food away. That took me almost 2 hours. It took so long because I kept taking breaks because my back was aching. It was around 2:30am. Once I finished I took a shower and made us chilli dogs because it was simple. The entire night I complained my back was killing me REMIND YOU I'm 4 months pregnant. While he's eating I put our daughter to sleep. I make me a bowl of fruit its about 3:30 I get in bed and he begins to nag asking me why am I eating and that he's tired and I should go in the living room. He cuts the TV off and I become FURIOUS. I'm pregnant, its 3 am I've been on my feet 3 hours cleaning and shopping and he gets mad because I'm eating a snack? He can be extremely incentive at times and he takes all I do for granted and doesn't appreciate it. On top of that
Plz chime in...
I just read it again. Of course your back is killing you if you are up that late. My back would kill me even before midnight and I am not even pregnant. Maybe you should rest a little more or did you sleep all day and then got up??
He gets mad because you wake him up FOR NO GOOD REASON at 3am? Shame on him.
I put away all the groceries away by myself, cleaned out the cabinets, took out the trash washed dishes and put all the food away. That took me almost 2 hours.
You put all the groceries away and then you put all the food away? Huh?
Are you sure you are telling the complete truth about all of this? And not exaggerating just a little bit?
Here's a tip. Get your grocery shopping done during the day or early evening, serve dinner at the proper hour and go to bed at a decent time. Millions of working families much larger than yours do it every single day without drama.
As much as I love my husband if he came to bed half an hour after I got into bed and he started snacking and watching TV I'd ask him to go to another room and turn off the TV too. I'd expect him to do the same with me if I tried this. We have a no food/ no tv in the bedroom way of life to begin with.
You can love someone and still get snippy, especially when you are tired. Still, it does sound like you are not finding a balance in the relationship as far as tasks go. IMO it's fine for you to put the kid to bed while he unloads the groceries and does dishes (or vice versa if he's better at bedtime routines) but to expect you to do all of it- even if you weren't pregnant- is too much.
I disagree with other posters who have basically stated that you are destined to fail in this relationship but you will need to work on these issues with him and I don't mean merely complain at him that he's not doing enough. Try to solve the problem with both of you actively figuring out a solution as a team and coming to an agreement. Approaching a problem like this through blame and accusation is not going to work. Couple's counseling might not be a bad idea even if it is just a few sessions.
Now I'm pissed because you guys are completely missing my point. I work all throughout and day and when I'm not working I'm tending to our daughter. When I get home the house and kitchen is a mess IM THE ONLY ONE THAT CLEANS. my daughter is 10 months she goes to bed around 4am every night. Why? That's her sleep pattern shopping at 12am is the only free time I had to go grocery shopping and the reason I cleaned so late was because I was tired of looking at a dirty house...
Sheesh you guys are missing the point I don't need advice on how I raise my child or why I choose to shop when I do... I simply ask AM I OVERREACTING for wanting some ****ing help ! And lastly I'm not going to post EVERY detail. He's a late bird he sleeps through the day and doesn't go to sleep until about 4am.
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