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So i've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and things have been fab up until recently. Suddenly whenever we're getting intimate I start to feel nervous and uncomfortable. This has only happened in the last couple of months or so. He's fine still and will initiate things but if ever it comes to me doing something for him I can't, and I struggle to make the first move - even when it comes to just kissing. I'm so comfortable with him in every other aspect of the relationship, just not intimacy and I don't understand why. I love him and we have a great relationship, he's like my best friend as well as my boyfriend, but I don't know what's going on with this. Has this happened to anyone else? Any ideas on why this has suddenly happened and what I can do?
So i've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and things have been fab up until recently. Suddenly whenever we're getting intimate I start to feel nervous and uncomfortable. This has only happened in the last couple of months or so. He's fine still and will initiate things but if ever it comes to me doing something for him I can't, and I struggle to make the first move - even when it comes to just kissing. I'm so comfortable with him in every other aspect of the relationship, just not intimacy and I don't understand why. I love him and we have a great relationship, he's like my best friend as well as my boyfriend, but I don't know what's going on with this. Has this happened to anyone else? Any ideas on why this has suddenly happened and what I can do?
Are you telling us everything?
Is there another man ANYwhere in the picture, even in the back of your mind?
Any major changes in your life?
How old are you? Do you go to the doctor regularly?
There's no other guys, I've never cheated.
We had some issues last year as we came to university and were obviously meeting a lot of new people and that was hard. Neither of us cheated but we fell out a lot. Since that we'd discussed everything and were back to normal, if not in a better place since July last year.
We're both 20.
I can't think of any major changes really.
You don't have to have slept with someone else for it to affect your relationship.
Just thinking about someone else can mess you up, even temporarily.
Meeting new people can make you think of ***possibilities,*** subconsciously. And who knows what "falling out" actually means for you two. Not every LTR is meant to be.
Either way, you should go to the OB/GYN and get your hormones checked. 20 is a crazy time, and college is stressful. But pay attention to your body. It could be telling you that you're not ready to commit to this guy.
So i've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and things have been fab up until recently. Suddenly whenever we're getting intimate I start to feel nervous and uncomfortable. This has only happened in the last couple of months or so. He's fine still and will initiate things but if ever it comes to me doing something for him I can't, and I struggle to make the first move - even when it comes to just kissing. I'm so comfortable with him in every other aspect of the relationship, just not intimacy and I don't understand why. I love him and we have a great relationship, he's like my best friend as well as my boyfriend, but I don't know what's going on with this. Has this happened to anyone else? Any ideas on why this has suddenly happened and what I can do?
This is normal. It happens to most of us. That initial rush of intense feelings is a natural biological process that is intended to bring humans together to procreate. Relationships are unintended consequences of this evolutionary process. 2 out of every 3 relationships fail miserably because the odds are stacked against relationships.
The way you handle the loss of intimacy is by not blaming yourself or him.
Love means responsibility and a lifetime commitment to someone you really care about. 3 years is long enough time to know if you really care about him. Nothing else matters.
College can be a source of a lot of stress, and sometimes stuff like that can manifest itself when you're at your most vulnerable. Don't blame the guy, and certainly don't buy into the idea that a minor quirk with your body or hormones is a sign that you should turn your lifeupside down by dumping your lover.
If you are together for the long haul, then you'll go through all sorts of hormonal issues. Never let something pointless like termporary feelings take over your long-term decision making process for you. No matter which guy you stay with forever, you'll run into the same ups and downs. Don't overreact to bumps in the road.
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