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I totally disagree. Sometimes there is just no way to "maneuver the differences." Take the last girl that was into me who was a super good person. She was a Christian active in her church, I'm a new atheist who has spent the last year running away from church. There was not a way in hell we could have compromised on that. She was definitely not the right one for me, no matter how much she liked me.
I totally disagree. Sometimes there is just no way to "maneuver the differences." Take the last girl that was into me who was a super good person. She was a Christian active in her church, I'm a new atheist who has spent the last year running away from church. There was not a way in hell we could have compromised on that. She was definitely not the right one for me, no matter how much she liked me.
There are always exceptions, and way to many varibles for one person's post to cover. And your comment interests me. No-judgments..
Curious, how did you two meet? And, you specified "new" atheist...wondering...which came first...the girl or your personal beliefs.
I think some of us have skewed fantasies about love. Love isn't the hot sex and the tingling toes...it is the guy/gal who comes over and brings you soup when you're sick...or the guy that tells you to stay in bed, he's got the baby.
My point is, you want the tingling toes and the chicken soup...and consider yourself lucky if you find that.
It isn't a fit, it is mutual compromise...if both make the other a priority...the differences can enhance any relationship.
"Not the right one" short hand for I and/or both of us were not interested enough to maneuver our differences to make it work.
You're DEFINITELY steering in the direction I was thinking. It's kinda how I felt about my ex. She didn't want me to help her when she was sick, she didn't like me helping her with the grocery shopping (paying for both of us), because it made her feel less independent and less of a woman. I've thought about that one word independent. You want to know what that one word has brought me? SINGLE!! That's all that word has ever brought me. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with being self sufficient, but there's so much more to life than just always relying on you and you only. That's what I was trying to convey to my ex about the groceries. We're compromising eating out to eat in, because you don't have the finances to support us eating out as a couple. I can't afford to pay for every meal, as well as, pay for most of the meals we eat in. Something has to give. Where I felt I was helping us, it wasn't really helping her.
I think independence is an amazing thing, but I think too many of us make our whole identity about how independent and self sufficient we are. It's led too many of us down the path of I don't need anybody, because I have myself. That's all I need. I fell into the same trap, and up until a couple years ago, I realized all I was doing was self sabotaging all my relationships, because I wanted to stay independent. Well I got my wish and I got the other part of that deal too, single.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
There are always exceptions, and way to many varibles for one person's post to cover. And your comment interests me. No-judgments..
Curious, how did you two meet? And, you specified "new" atheist...wondering...which came first...the girl or your personal beliefs.
We met through being fans of a music artist and being in the group of other fans. My beliefs were made about a year before this girl came into the picture.
Weezer, this probably won't help much but I do know that feeling of something just not quite being "there" in order to tip me toward having romantic/sexual feelings toward the person. And yes, it CAN be a great person. Even an amazing one. I honestly don't know what it is. It could be chemical...pheromones or something. I'm not just throwing that out there, I truly do believe there are certain inherent things involved in being attracted and it could indeed be as biological as it is psychological.
So, what does the statement mean...I think for this woman it may be as slippery and elusive as it is for me, or for anyone else who says it. Have you ever met a girl who seemed just great but you just didn't "feel it"?
Weezer, this probably won't help much but I do know that feeling of something just not quite being "there" in order to tip me toward having romantic/sexual feelings toward the person. And yes, it CAN be a great person. Even an amazing one. I honestly don't know what it is. It could be chemical...pheromones or something. I'm not just throwing that out there, I truly do believe there are certain inherent things involved in being attracted and it could indeed be as biological as it is psychological.
So, what does the statement mean...I think for this woman it may be as slippery and elusive as it is for me, or for anyone else who says it. Have you ever met a girl who seemed just great but you just didn't "feel it"?
Had an FWB just like that. Did all the things I liked in the bedroom and was always available on a Friday or Saturday night for fun, but even though she was interested in something more with me, I didn't feel the same about her. I just didn't want to know anything more about her on a deep emotional level. She was more of a true friend that I enjoyed having sex with. It was more of I have no romantic feelings for you, compared to I just don't think she's the right person for me.
Had an FWB just like that. Did all the things I liked in the bedroom and was always available on a Friday or Saturday night for fun, but even though she was interested in something more with me, I didn't feel the same about her. I just didn't want to know anything more about her on a deep emotional level. She was more of a true friend that I enjoyed having sex with. It was more of I have no romantic feelings for you, compared to I just don't think she's the right person for me.
Wow... Can totally relate to all this. Even the ex, going off & starting a family. What can I say? People make mistakes & we pay dearly our karmic debts.... Some people (like myself) end up handling things alone, bc relationships are not the place for therapy. I get used to being alone. I can easily attract & get along with men.. But I think when you have someone who really blew your mind about Love ~ from your past ~ it creates a lasting impression, which makes it damn near impossible to settle for less than that feeling... . . * But it's out there. Do your inner work & it will come. * But hey, at least your ex stays in her lane and only visits in dreams, lol Mine certainly hasn't; he comes in dreams, inboxes, and incoming calls. And I'm not sure knowing the feeling *IS* mutual makes things any better... (it doesn't) it just makes for way more painful processing and a seemingly endless unresolve...
Wow... Can totally relate to all this. Even the ex, going off & starting a family. What can I say? People make mistakes & we pay dearly our karmic debts.... Some people (like myself) end up handling things alone, bc relationships are not the place for therapy. I get used to being alone. I can easily attract & get along with men.. But I think when you have someone who really blew your mind about Love ~ from your past ~ it creates a lasting impression, which makes it damn near impossible to settle for less than that feeling... . . * But it's out there. Do your inner work & it will come. * But hey, at least your ex stays in her lane and only visits in dreams, lol Mine certainly hasn't; he comes in dreams, inboxes, and incoming calls. And I'm not sure knowing the feeling *IS* mutual makes things any better... (it doesn't) it just makes for way more painful processing and a seemingly endless unresolve...
so im guessing the feelings aren't mutual between the two of u to rehash? I feel sort of like Weezer where one particular girl i wasnt super attracted to at first, i ended up developing feelings later with but by that point we were on the rocks. I fantasize, oh if i had just done this differently or that, things would have been better, or that we had so much common interest. However that is all gone and its hard to sometimes realize that the fantasy is .... well really just a fantasy.
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Mine certainly hasn't; he comes in dreams, inboxes, and incoming calls. And I'm not sure knowing the feeling *IS* mutual makes things any better... (it doesn't) it just makes for way more painful processing and a seemingly endless unresolve...
