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Thanks for the input and advice..
I tried to make a very long story short so a lot of details were left out. I have always teetered on the edge of welfare. 19 years and two kids, too many jobs at once and never got anywhere. I always maintained and over time I did manage to move ahead a little but 18 months ago it all fell apart and I got back together with my boyfriend of 6 years because he offered to help and we agreed to move towards old age as a team so that I didn't end up homeless and we didn't both die alone because frankly, we're both a little nuts.
I left him 2 years ago because he was threatened by my independence, my mother, my friends and he does stupid stuff and isn't always nice. He's a little unstable but I've tried to make excuses for it because he's a vet and he had a rotten childhood. His kids grew up with their mother and they are awful and disrespectful. His son does things that are VERY VERY scary in addition to the stealing and drugs and general laziness. I'm trying to avoid my son turning out like him.
I could have it very easy if I could bring myself to keep my mouth shut and just play house wife but I've never lived like that.. This is the first time I've lived with anyone who weren't my children in 15 years. I refused to date anyone too seriously because I value my independence and never trusted anyone to do for me what I happily did for myself, alone.
I sold everything and gave up the housing assistance I had to fight for more than ten years to get. I had to build my credit up from less than nothing and pay off nearly 30k in medical bills to get where I was before I screwed up and lost both of my jobs 18 months ago. I always knew it would come down to either leaving Maryland or getting married in order to really get far enough ahead that I could maybe work one job instead of two but living with him and his son is driving me nuts. Both of them are mean to my son and I firmly believe my kid is a decent person. He's just not used to having to clean up after himself or remember anything because I always did it all. I worked, cleaned, cooked, cut the grass. That was a mistake too so now I'm trying to fix it and rebuild my whole life and the one person who has offered to help is being rude to my son and I. I halfway think he's enjoying watching me struggle. I had three cars before I came out here and he reminds me often that he provides a car for me to drive.. Never mind that car is also in my name, he is just making the payments.
Uhg, I wish he'd just talk to me and stop telling me what's happening like I'm some kind of child. If I give him ten job listings he doesn't apply to them because I found them. If I open the windows he gets mad because I aired the house out without asking first. But if it's his idea its fine.. He's a worse control freak than I am. He's just angry and it makes me angry. He drives like a maniac and throws the keys at me and makes a scene if I ask him to slow down. He once got out of a moving car when were were arguing. He's rude to servers and he's supposed to be taking depression meds but he stopped taking them when I got here. He practically ignores me unless he wants to be babied or have his ego stroked. Everything I do it crap and when I talk to him he grunts at me but gets pissed if I don't get all excited over every little thing he does.
If this is what being in a serious relationship is like, I'd rather be alone. I just have no idea how to get out of this mess I made or how to make this work without hurting my kid or myself. I really miss my daughter who stayed in MD with her friends and works. She is 18 and it's her choice but I've never been away from her more than a week.
The old man and I initially planned to move to the Pacific NW but that's all changed. His son wasn't supposed to be here this long but I feel like he's never leaving.
I'm extremely sad to hear that, my heart goes out to the both of you .
You don't need a degree for every job, i know you are short for money but are you working at the moment in any capacity?. If your not I'd send over your CV ( resume ) to any and every job you can find.
I never been in your situation or know your country as well as I would like, so I'm really sorry I can't help more
I'm sure you will find great advice and help from others on here but I truly hope things improve for you very soon.
Before I moved here I had applied to over 100 places and had maybe two interviews. I've been out of work for the better part of 18 months. I quit my regular job to take a leap and try to make my part time job at the post office double my income but it turned in to a disaster and I found myself with nothing for five months until the post office brought me back a few days a month and I took a cooking job with a former co-worker. His place turned out to be a front for a drug operation. Nice huh?
My former boss was angry when I left there. She would say things like I owed her and this is as good as it gets for people like "us". Whatever that means, unless she means bar people because I did meet her when I was waiting on her at my last bar job. I was there for 7 years and made a dollar in raises but I went from being a part time security guard to running all the activities for 300 seniors AND managing her office and doing her real estate paperwork. I created most of the filing systems and all of the fire evacuation procedures. I worked with every caterer and contractor. I thought I did a good job for her, I just wasn't going to get any further.
I don't know why I am unable to get a job at even a grocery store. Maybe I was out of the hiring loop too long. Maybe I'm being given a bad reference. Prior to working at the retirement home and the post office I was a bartender for 10 years and every place I used to work at has either gone out of business of been sold since I left. Half my former employers are dead or drunk. What a mess!
If things don't improve here I will have to take my son and my dog and walk but I have no idea where or how.
Essentially, I need some leverage and patience. I either need a back up plan or a way to start over because I'm as low as I have ever been.
And when I say nothing, I mean nothing.. Not a dime, not a degree and not another person on the planet, save my 13 year old who can't be burdened any further with adult things and the drama around here. No kids should have his Christmas money stolen by an 18 year old dope head and be called a bastard every day.
I'm very close to walking back to Maryland even though I hated it there all my life.
I am sorry you are facing this all alone. You wre smart, understanding your child's needs and knowing it is up to you. It can be scary but keep exploring your options, ideas.
I lived by myself for six years in a city and state that I wanted OUT. I really thought I was stuck but I was not- I am now back in WI. It has been a struggle even when Ió got here.
AND you MUST know you can do it. I had a hard time with this in move. Planning helped build my belief but most of my strength came as I went through it. Remind yourself the strength you have used to get this far and know as you continue to work through this you,will get stronger!
My story- I was living in TN and I hated it with a capital H. I was broke, depressed with no idea how to move. I really thought I couldn't do anything.
After trying unsuccessfully to find a decent job I took an undesirable call center job. HATED ALL eight months I lasted. I saved every penny I could.
I left for WI in a car that was not in road-worthy condition. During the 800 mile trip it died, then restarted 8-10 times. I left a month later than planned due to fear of car problems and whand what was waiting for me.
No apt, no job, no friends. It took me.four months to get a job and apt! I lived in a shelter and my car. At times I wondered what I was doing. I kept trying, figuring out where to go, what to do. When I was living in my car I found parks to hang out, to have private time away from the public.
I mention that,bec my plans changed as I went wlong and the more flexible I was, the better I was.
Seek help with people or organizations and/ shelter before you go. Sometmes you can get on wait list for families. Shelters are hard, hard places. But they can have resources for you. Are there any local social workers or county counseling service who could be a support system for you? You shouldn't have to face this alone.
I am glad I went to the shelter, I got help- my deposit was covered by an agency I found though the shelter. Plus, a homeless advocacy group helped furnish my apt.
You can make the changes you need to. Plan and seek help.I found help- and it was always when I was moving ahead.
Even if my try in the moment was not successful, at least I was at a different point. OR point of view.
One more thing I learned- the fear of doing was much easier than the fear before I tried to do something. Handling fears as I was doing something was not as hard as I thought.
Sending you blessings. Hold on, you can get through this.
I lived in my car when I was pregnant with my daughter. When I had her I promised myself I would do whatever it took get away from the world I was living in at the time. I have worked sick, taken my kids to bars to work. I actually had a portacrib in a bar so I could take care of my son and work at the same time. The owner was an old woman who lived in the back with her dog and she really helped me out so I'd stay there with her when she was scared after we got robbed and slept on a pool table.
Once I had my daughter at work during a hurricane when I managed Domino's Pizza. I had no drivers and my daughter was nearly hit by a car so I locked the place up and lied to get a job in a bar the same day. I worked there for five years and they had no idea I had never so much as made iced tea before that day. I was lucky for a long time but I think my luck ran out because things just keep getting harder. OH well, I should buck up and do something huh?
I did. I started over with nothing. I has been living in Kansas for 14 years. Low paying jobs. Bad weather.
I finally made up my mind to leave, back in 2007.
I went online and researched possible places I could move to.
I ended up moving to SC. I got a great job, met a man, and we have been together ever since 2009.
It helps if you can find someone who lives locally to where you want to move to. A sponsor of sorts.
If not, just do plenty of research on jobs, housing, schools, neighborhoods. Make phone calls and print out information.
I don't have any degrees either, and I moved 800 miles away from my family.
Whether or not I choose to stick it out and work to make this work with my old man I have to have something for myself. I'm miserable sitting at home all day and I think that's half my problem. I have never not been productive or working on improving myself and i feel stagnant and useless.
I'm glad to see that making drastic changes can work, even if it's not exactly what we set out to do.
Home
I am not sure from what/state city you are.
If you click the link (my), you can get the idea who/where/how to contact, by just saying what you wrote in this thread, and someone on the other phone/emal/line will suggest you right move.
Keep your thought and plan active, you'll get as much help as you're looking for. This country (US) helps those they want to help themselves.
Let me also add that I know full well that part of the problem is me. I have no ability to cope with anything violent or frightening. I can be skittish even around people I trust.. I do trust that my old man will not hurt me physically but I don't think he knows how harsh he can be..
Also, anyone who has purposely refrained from serious relationships and cohabitation with others for as long as I have, has got to have some issues. I've got plenty. I nearly died of nervousness coming out here and and routine changes mess me up.. Even towels folded wrong can upset me if I've also all ready found food on the floor and ants in the cabinet. LOL I can't be around a lot of noise or chaos at all so I know I'm hard to live with.
Luck doesn't run out. I have thought it does even so. I think I grew up thinking when things went right I was just lucky. So, of course it could stop! But our own effort is that luck. You reached to change your life and it was really brave- knowing how hard it is for you to trust another person but you wanted to have more, a better life.
This guy sounds like he has anger issues as well as communications problems. Really doesn't sound healthy. You made this choice that was right with the info you had.
Now you have more information and your feelings are right. Time to find a better place for you and your son.
You can do this. Be patient and kind to yourself. You can start that right now.
Let me also add that I know full well that part of the problem is me. I have no ability to cope with anything violent or frightening. I can be skittish even around people I trust.. I do trust that my old man will not hurt me physically but I don't think he knows how harsh he can be..
Also, anyone who has purposely refrained from serious relationships and cohabitation with others for as long as I have, has got to have some issues. I've got plenty. I nearly died of nervousness coming out here and and routine changes mess me up.. Even towels folded wrong can upset me if I've also all ready found food on the floor and ants in the cabinet. LOL I can't be around a lot of noise or chaos at all so I know I'm hard to live with.
hmm, based on the above new info, I think you need not think about long term plan.
Try to find a local women's shelter.
Emergency and transitional housing options are available depending on an organization's resources. Some use converted houses in neighborhoods as safe houses, some build special houses and facilities, still others offer emergency housing in the houses of trained volunteers and hosts. A battered woman entering emergency housing or a shelter gets immediate help and assistance on the first step toward recovery - leaving her batterer and her community
It is clear that you have been abused, although you might not have visible wounds on your body right now. Given the fact you have a kid living with you and experience these clear signs of PTSD (possible other condition) they will give you the help you immediately need.
One day at a time, one second at a time even, healing needs time, support, proper treatment. Since you have a 13 year old, I would go with the women's shelter option first. You need some immediate help
If things don't improve here I will have to take my son and my dog and walk but I have no idea where or how.
Essentially, I need some leverage and patience. I either need a back up plan or a way to start over because I'm as low as I have ever been.
And when I say nothing, I mean nothing.. Not a dime, not a degree and not another person on the planet, save my 13 year old who can't be burdened any further with adult things and the drama around here. No kids should have his Christmas money stolen by an 18 year old dope head and be called a bastard every day.
I'm very close to walking back to Maryland even though I hated it there all my life.
What's the backstory to this? Whois the 18 year old that is stealing? Why is he in your lives?
Nevermind. I need to read the whole thread first. Dumbazz me.
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