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Ah, so when left to their own devices, and hearing nothing but crickets in return, you were expecting a different outcome?
No that's not it at all, I meant the conversation doesn't get too deep (which I would hope it wouldn't after only one date). We usually have good conversation and I would say the guy initiates 70-80% of the time and I initiate 20-30%. This is only after the first date....if I'm seeing a guy for a while I initiate more.
After reading all the doom and gloom, assuming a lot of things by others...I wonder..since he continued to text following next date discussion...just maybe something happened in his life that keeps him offline?? Maybe an accident..or sudden family issue ( parent falling ill as example)...or was kidnapped ( extreme outside chance there )
I don't know what it is that so many expect instant match..furious courting/dates/and physical executions....Man, I recall the longest relationship I ever had was with someone who didn't call..( texting wasn't around back then) and I worked shiftwork..every second weekend, had 2 kids..So was too busy to worry about it..So let it fly...WE ended up being almost like soulmates..never lived together..BUT we trusted each other, were honest with each other...was always there for each other...etc...Lasted almost a decade...and it only ended because HE had to move on..wanted kids ( which I couldn't give him~13 years difference in age) So it was a bitter-sweet ending...My kids still talk about him to this day ( They are now 37 & 40 )..
Anyway...Step back..and continue on..and just stop expecting "INSTANT" connections...Too much..Too Fast can often lead to missing all those cues one learns overtime you get together...But I wish you luck tho...who knows..This date may have met his perceived "Soul Mate" after his last text..which leads me to believe that pheromones kicked in..Not Grey matter...Ohh well...You can wait..or just continue vetting possible dates coming your way I guess..Good Luck
Doubt that, I've seen him active on the dating site since then.
I've bailed on second dates after the background check came back. The first date is an interview, take good mental notes and do your homework. There's lots of predators out there posing as house pets.
$60,000 in student loans NOPE
How old are you? What are the ages of the people you look for?
If you're looking for people in their 20s and 30s, you will find lots with student loans of 60K or higher. Many people graduate from top undergraduate, career-oriented programs, or professional schools with huge student loan debts. So you would be eliminating tons of doctors, dentists, lawyers, businesspeople, etc. IMO, it seems foolish to entirely write off young people just starting out in great careers due to student loans.
I think it matters a great deal whether their debts are from foolish things, like CC debt, versus reasonable things like student loans used to prepared them for a very lucrative career.
How old are you? What are the ages of the people you look for?
If you're looking for people in their 20s and 30s, you will find lots with student loans of 60K or higher. Many people graduate from top undergraduate, career-oriented programs, or professional schools with huge student loan debts. So you would be eliminating tons of doctors, dentists, lawyers, businesspeople, etc. IMO, it seems foolish to entirely write off young people just starting out in great careers due to student loans.
I think it matters a great deal whether their debts are from foolish things, like CC debt, versus reasonable things like student loans used to prepared them for a very lucrative career.
I'll just say she was not a doctor, RN or a dentist. She had a worthless degree that was good for folding sweaters at the GAP or pouring coffee at Starbucks. It did not help that she rolled up in a car from a defunct car company.
She was cute and ncie to talk to, but I'm no spring chicken. I thought paying off my $31k student loan debt in 18 months was tough, but $60k is a lot of money.
How old are you? What are the ages of the people you look for?
If you're looking for people in their 20s and 30s, you will find lots with student loans of 60K or higher. Many people graduate from top undergraduate, career-oriented programs, or professional schools with huge student loan debts. So you would be eliminating tons of doctors, dentists, lawyers, businesspeople, etc. IMO, it seems foolish to entirely write off young people just starting out in great careers due to student loans.
I think it matters a great deal whether their debts are from foolish things, like CC debt, versus reasonable things like student loans used to prepared them for a very lucrative career.
I agree. There are a lot of people walking around who would kill for only $60K in student loan debt.
Someone entering a private medical school in 2016 and financing the entire cost would be looking at $325K+ in debt; law could be $250K+.
Unfortunately, these (formerly) great professions aren't so great anymore so it's much harder to honor one's medical or law school debt today than even one generation back.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fargobound
I've bailed on second dates after the background check came back. The first date is an interview, take good mental notes and do your homework. There's lots of predators out there posing as house pets.
Sheesh... dating is akin to a job interview these days? Is this common?
You know what else companies tend to do when looking for candidates? They nurture unrealistic expectations in hopes for that unicorn with loads of experience, skills, and expertise who is willing to work for practically nothing.... the position goes unfulfilled.
No wonder people have a hard time dating these days.... if that's how they do things... measure people up based on google searches, OLD profiles, and background checks.
There are lots of good people out there who have "mistakes" on their record, CC debt, school debt.... it is who they are now that counts.
Welcome to the world of online dating, where everyone seems to be developing back-up options in case their first option falls through. And when their first option doesn't fall through, the back-ups get relegated to the one-off date, plus a few days of texts trying to set up a second date without concrete plans ever coming to fruition. I've been on both ends of this.
Please tell me if I'm the only one that repeatedly experiences this. Meet a guy on a dating site, have a first date which seems to go well, the guy texts me after the date and practically everyday afterwards, asks for a second date, and then disappears off the face of the earth. I can understand this happening once every so often, but it seems to be more frequent than that in my case. I usually chalk it up to them having met someone else, which is fine, but then I'll go on the site and see they're still pretty active on there which leads me to believe they haven't really found someone else, they're still looking.
This happens to me more than I care to mention, and I know the online dating world can be flakey, but this is an odd pattern. I can understand going on a date, and then not hearing from the guy again because he's not interested. But I don't understand going on a date and then him staying in constant contact afterwards even asking to see you again, only to disappear before you even get to go out again.
Does this happen often to anyone else?
These guys either already have the beginnings of something going on with another woman and start to get serious with her or they simply don't like something about you and move on to other women.
Contrary to what some of the bitter guys may like to convince themselves about women having all the advantages, many guy have tons of options when it comes women to date.
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