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I posted a message a few months ago about my issue with my boyfriend who is wonderful in every way but has never said “I love you.” Most of you advised me to go ahead and be the one to say it first, or at the very least, bring it up with him.
Update: We have been officially together for 10 months, dating for 1 year and 3 weeks, and he still hasn’t said “I love you.” Recently, I did bring it up with him. I didn’t say “I love you,” but told him that I was unsure how exactly he felt about me. He got that that was my way of asking if he loved me. He said he cared for me deeply, is the happiest he has been in a long time, that I’m the first thing he thinks about when he wakes up in the morning, and that he hasn’t been this excited about seeing somebody in a long time, but that he still doesn’t know if this is the right time to say “I love you.” He asked me if I love him, and I nodded.
I asked him what “I love you” means to him. He pretty much said that “I love you” for him means forever; that we’re still getting to know each other, and he doesn’t know if he’s ready to take that leap yet. In his exact words, “Once you say those words, you can never take it back. No matter what happens, the person you say it to will forever be part of your life.” He has only said those words to one girl, his ex, and after their relationship ended, he questioned whether it was her he really loved or just the idea of the 2 of them together (they had known each other since high school). He said that the next time he says it, he wants to be 100% sure.
In spite of the lack of “I love you,” though, our relationship has definitely progressed. He’s still as wonderful as ever, or even more so, has become even sweeter and more affectionate, and we have made plans this year for at least 2 out-of-town trips, the first one of which is coming up in March. At the time of my original post, I had only met his parents and some of his cousins. At Christmas, I was introduced to his entire family and spent 4 days straight with them. He now pretty much invites me to every family event.
What should I do? He really makes me very happy. The men from my past were always saying “I love you,” and yes, I was happy with them, too, but it was always a roller-coaster kind of happiness – happy then sad, happy then sad, up and then down. With my bf, the happiness is steady and always present; he never makes me sad. The weird thing about it is that, in spite of him not being able to say those words, I actually feel loved. Whenever we’re together, I feel like I am with someone who loves me and wants to make me happy. That said, I still want him to take that leap from “I’m scared to say I love you” to “I love you.”
What should I do? He has asked me to be patient with him and to work with him because he wants to work on his issues so he can be the person I deserve.
Both of you are scared to say it, so this isn't all about him.
There is nothing you can do. You cannot make this happen, so you have to decide whether feeling happy and loved is enough for you for now.
I know the answer to this question can best be answered by me, but as someone who can look at my situation much objectively than I can, should that be enough for now?
It seems as if for him, "I love you" means "you're the one, and I want to marry you," and he doesn't think 10 months of exclusive dating is enough time to make that commitment. If you can live with that, I'd give him another year. After all, the relationship is going very well and is still quite young.
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