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First, thank you all for your feedback in advance. I'm a 36 year old guy who's always had his life together and I've always known what I've wanted in life. All throughout my life I've dated various types of women, have made some wonderful bonds and lasting memories.
I'm not a shallow guy by any means. You'd know this if you could talk to any of my friends or folks that know me. So please do not get the wrong impressions from this. Most of the women I've dated have been of a certain preppy or classy type. This is what I was raised in and what I've always been accustom to.
A little over a year ago, I ended an 8 year relationship and since then I've dated off and on (yes the usual type) but three months ago I was at an event and was immediately captivated by this young lady who was in attendance. There was something about her energy and laugh and just her personality, it totally hooked me.
The issue I'm having is, this girl is unlike anyone I've ever met nor dated and had an interest in for that matter. She is the textbook definition of an average young lady, down to earth and is NOT looks wise like any girl I've ever been attracted to. She's different.
What's causing me confusion is I can NOT get this girl out of my head. Additionally, now the usual type of female I'd be attracted to and have always dated, they no longer are of interest to me. And I mean they are not attractive, they and not interesting and the only thing I can think about is this girl. She is...man, so different.
Please don't laugh but what the heck has happened to me?? It's literally like someone went into my head and flicked a switch and now nobody can even compare too this girl. Thing is, we've only talked twice at that.
Is this infatuation and if so why on earth now and what is it about this specific girl that has totally shaken my whole world and beliefs. Or...is there something more here I need to explore.
Like I said, I've always had my life together but I am in desperate need of direction as I'm in completely new territory.
My "type" has changed a dozen times throughout my life. What I found attractive in my teens is nowhere close to what I find attractive now. There are even nationalities that I've really attracted to now, whereas back in my teens/20s I probably wouldn't have given them a second look.
Nothing wrong with evolving and changing what's important and/or attractive to you.
Why is this feeling causing confusion? It's normal for most people.
Hey there!
She's 30, so the age gap is pretty compatible. And she's different in that almost every woman I've been in a relationship with have been bubbly and again...preppy for the lack of a better description. But she is not that. She's funny and smart and just so logical in her thoughts and presentation.
I think what's causing me the biggest confusion is the sudden and dramatic shift in thought. Like I said, the type of woman I've always dated and have been attracted to, like overnight they no longer are of interest to me, at all. It's like nobody is now good enough or could ever fill what this girl has about her.
This girl in one conversation has changed my mindset of dating a woman to, wow I could easily see myself spending the rest of my life with her...and that's something even in my 8 year relationship I very seldom felt.
My goal with coming to a forum is to see if I'm rational in thinking that I need to explore this further, or if I am just being stupid and this is an infatuation and will pass. But the dramatic shift in my feelings and mindset is what brought me here the most.
I personally think an infatuating feeling is an opportunity, like a window opening. It's not like OP is planning to abandon a wife and four kids to explore this. Why not find out more?
At 36, you're now discovering how having a rigid type hasn't been beneficial. Embrace it. People are so much more than their outer appearance.
To me, having a type should be about the quality of their character and their personality, not how they look. I've been attracted to all types of men throughout my life, and can't imagine what it would be like to only be attracted to one specific look, to the exclusion of all others.
She's 30, so the age gap is pretty compatible. And she's different in that almost every woman I've been in a relationship with have been bubbly and again...preppy for the lack of a better description. But she is not that. She's funny and smart and just so logical in her thoughts and presentation.
I think what's causing me the biggest confusion is the sudden and dramatic shift in thought. Like I said, the type of woman I've always dated and have been attracted to, like overnight they no longer are of interest to me, at all. It's like nobody is now good enough or could ever fill what this girl has about her.
This girl in one conversation has changed my mindset of dating a woman to, wow I could easily see myself spending the rest of my life with her...and that's something even in my 8 year relationship I very seldom felt.
My goal with coming to a forum is to see if I'm rational in thinking that I need to explore this further, or if I am just being stupid and this is an infatuation and will pass. But the dramatic shift in my feelings and mindset is what brought me here the most.
Thanks for giving more detail.
It's not exactly clear what happened to cause such a radical change in your perspective after you spoke together.
You have a big crush on someone you don't really know I'd caution against over-romanticising her in your mind.
She might turn out to be very ordinary after you get to know her. Or she may continue to dazzle you.
You won't know until you spend more time together.
Whether it lasts a lifetime or is ultimately an infatuation is not an issue.
If you have contact info for her by all means get in touch and start this ball rolling.
First, thank you all for your feedback in advance. I'm a 36 year old guy who's always had his life together and I've always known what I've wanted in life. All throughout my life I've dated various types of women, have made some wonderful bonds and lasting memories.
I'm not a shallow guy by any means. You'd know this if you could talk to any of my friends or folks that know me. So please do not get the wrong impressions from this. Most of the women I've dated have been of a certain preppy or classy type. This is what I was raised in and what I've always been accustom to.
A little over a year ago, I ended an 8 year relationship and since then I've dated off and on (yes the usual type) but three months ago I was at an event and was immediately captivated by this young lady who was in attendance. There was something about her energy and laugh and just her personality, it totally hooked me.
The issue I'm having is, this girl is unlike anyone I've ever met nor dated and had an interest in for that matter. She is the textbook definition of an average young lady, down to earth and is NOT looks wise like any girl I've ever been attracted to. She's different.
What's causing me confusion is I can NOT get this girl out of my head. Additionally, now the usual type of female I'd be attracted to and have always dated, they no longer are of interest to me. And I mean they are not attractive, they and not interesting and the only thing I can think about is this girl. She is...man, so different.
Please don't laugh but what the heck has happened to me?? It's literally like someone went into my head and flicked a switch and now nobody can even compare too this girl. Thing is, we've only talked twice at that.
Is this infatuation and if so why on earth now and what is it about this specific girl that has totally shaken my whole world and beliefs. Or...is there something more here I need to explore.
Like I said, I've always had my life together but I am in desperate need of direction as I'm in completely new territory.
It boils down to this. At age 36, you're a completely different person than you were at 26 or 16. Your tastes, interests, beliefs, and just about everything else has evolved over time. Some things haven't changed at all, some have changed a little, and some have changed a lot.
This is a reflection of that.
It took me a long time in my dating life to realize that I was essentially dating the same woman over and over and over again. The artsy, neurotic type. Heck, I even dated a girl who had been on the cover of a couple of fashion mags. It was fun for a while. But after yet another unsatisfactory relationship, one that was a lot of work and mental gymnastics, I finally realized that I had a type. And that type wasn't working for me.
So I hit the pause button on my dating life for a few months. Then I met my wife. She was the exact, polar opposite of all the women I dated. But it literally just fell into place for me. All I had to do was be open to life's possibilities.
Listen to your gut. It very rarely steers you wrong. And, in this case, it's likely telling you what you need.
I personally think an infatuating feeling is an opportunity, like a window opening. It's not like OP is planning to abandon a wife and four kids to explore this. Why not find out more?
Why not pursue the relationship and see how it goes? You spent 8 years not progressing to marriage, why not spend a year or two with this woman (if it works out that way) and see what develops? It does feel like a window opening.
I would be careful though, because I married someone vastly different and it did not work out. Different ethnicity, different country, different economic background, different religion. It was too much. Another relationship was basically the same. Too many differences.
If there are too many differences, just be cautious. You've always dated similar women, try something different.
Last edited by pathrunner; 11-08-2021 at 09:40 AM..
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