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This whole thread is fairly pointless because it is the opinion of one person and he is trying to generalize a whole category of persons on the dating scene according to his own meter. Sounds like he may have been turned down by a single mom - what do you think ladies?
No, I was trying to see if there were CONSERVATIVE people who respected the nuclear family...I think most us would agree that most divorces arise out of selfishness and some of us want no part of that scene nor do we want to stick around to find out what happened and who's telling the truth (you know, lady law, the "three sides to the story" adage).
I've never asked a single mom out, LOL. When my friends try to hook me up, they give the following list: 35 to 40 +/-, Catholic or Protestant, degreed, height-weight proportionate and no children....I say YES, I'll go on a date with her. After the date, sometimes I'm more interested and other times, it's vice-versa.
Those who can't accept this are INSECURE because it rejects one of the more basic tenets of your existence - your maternal instinct. Those who can SHRUG and say HIS CHOICE/HER CHOICE are clearly more broad-minded.
Robert, we know you have your mind made up. What you like is what you like. You don't need to justify your reasoning to us. Just go on about your business and good luck in finding what it is you are seeking.
You have my blessing.
Thanks. I thought the thread was dead and saw this resurrected, so I responded to the last post or two.
If you really look at this, so many respondents were indignant at what I had to say...just indignant, leveling personal attacks.
I just wanted to see how conservative/liberal people were on this topic in the new millenium and if I'm a throwback to the Ozzie and Harriet days, even though I'm not that old.
I actually agree with some of what Polyglot is saying. But, I got married to the first and ONLY woman I ever dated who had a child. Luckily, she only had the kid three days of the week and the other days he was with his father. My wife knows to this day that if she had her kid full time or was an unwed never-been-married mother, I would have NEVER EVER EVEN CONSIDERED DATING HER. Even though she is sexiest most beautiful woman Ive ever seen, I would have just passed her over.
A single never been married mom is a complete turn off to most guys when it comes to dating.
I actually agree with some of what Polyglot is saying. But, I got married to the first and ONLY woman I ever dated who had a child. Luckily, she only had the kid three days of the week and the other days he was with his father. My wife knows to this day that if she had her kid full time or was an unwed never-been-married mother, I would have NEVER EVER EVEN CONSIDERED DATING HER. Even though she is sexiest most beautiful woman Ive ever seen, I would have just passed her over.
A single never been married mom is a complete turn off to most guys when it comes to dating.
Are you the designated spokesman for "most" guys? Perhaps a better choice of words would be "many" guys?
Robert, we know you have your mind made up. What you like is what you like. You don't need to justify your reasoning to us. Just go on about your business and good luck in finding what it is you are seeking.
You have my blessing.
Odd that he seems to NEED it so badly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot
No, I was trying to see if there were CONSERVATIVE people who respected the nuclear family...I think most us would agree that most divorces arise out of selfishness and some of us want no part of that scene nor do we want to stick around to find out what happened and who's telling the truth (you know, lady law, the "three sides to the story" adage).
Those who can't accept this are INSECURE because it rejects one of the more basic tenets of your existence - your maternal instinct. Those who can SHRUG and say HIS CHOICE/HER CHOICE are clearly more broad-minded.
The reality is that US divorce rate is now somewhere between 50-57% (depending on the source).
Another reality is that the divorce rate among your cherished CONSERVATIVES, is higher then the divorce rate with liberals. Statistical facts, no way around it.
AND remember just because someone is divorced, doesn't mean they don't respect marriage, it could very well mean that it was their spouse who didn't respect marriage. You can't force someone to stay married to you.
You come across like you look down your nose at people who are divorced. I could frankly care less who you date and who you don't. I think its more likely that your need to gain some kind of approval for your dating practices is a sign that YOUR the insecure one.
I actually agree with some of what Polyglot is saying. But, I got married to the first and ONLY woman I ever dated who had a child. A single never been married mom is a complete turn off to most guys when it comes to dating.
Thanks. I was actually hoping the thread was dead. I'm not looking for approval or I would cave into dating single moms, now wouldn't I? After my best friend got divorced (no kids), he tried dating single moms and, at a certain point, said "no more." He is now married to a previously never-married woman and they have their first child.
And single never-married women are NOT a turn-off, they are a turn-on, providing there is no sexual trauma in their backgrounds. They have to like intimacy. Sex is not dirty.
I'm just surprised that women can't see (and probably never will) that a woman who has created children between 18 and 25 and the never married man 15 to 20 years after college, have walked very different paths. There is little to connect them... and virtually nothing to connect him to her kids.
Have any of the women listened to Tom Leykus? He says much of this but with his own caustic edge. Also, I have a friend, a woman now in her early 50s who married at 25 and both of them (her and her husband) said "no kids." About 5 or 10 years ago she said to me, "You see a woman with kids...RUN." This is a lady from NYC, an insurance professional with a great sense of humor. I couldn't believe a woman was talking like this, but there you have it. She has never been one to put up with crap and she evidently senses the conflict of interests involved.
finding ones that have not been in some kind of a traumatic earlier experience is hard.
You know, traumatic experiences are not necessarily related to being a single mother or being divorced and having children. Some people's baggage, albeit invisible, may be a lot heavier. For the record, I have no children.
You know, traumatic experiences are not necessarily related to being a single mother or being divorced and having children. Some people's baggage, albeit invisible, may be a lot heavier. For the record, I have no children.
No, no, no...you misread...I'm talking about traumas experienced by the unmarried, successful, professional woman who looks like the "whole package" and then some...those are very invisible. In fact, invisible is an understatement. I'm saying it's too bad in that that particular demographic has those invisible issues.
Switch over to the sexual abuse thread that is currently active...in the last 10 years, I have met, dated, or befriended 4 or 5 women who are at least 35 to 40, never married, educated, feminine, polished, and with looks of at least 7 on a scale of 10. I scratched my head. Of this handful, two confessed to being sexually abused. I didn't know the others well enough to find out, but their skittishness and weirdness leaves me to wonder what the deal was. And, no, women love talking to me and telling me all kinds of things since I am willing to sit there and analyze everything to the most infinite detail with them. These last couple of gals never got that close to me, so I will never know for sure.
And here I am, thinking how cool it would be to spend the night with them or take a shower with them, you know, just like in those steamy movies (I'm being a jerk, I know) and in a consensual sense of course, and I end up empty-handed. (BTW, I'm not for one night stands, so that's not the way I was processing it). Still, short-term or long-term, I don't think they go there.
........ I have always tried to date childless professional women, preferably never married as well. I feel that there is way too much in common and they've traveled the same road I have. I can't stand when a woman with kids, who may be interested, immediately begins to talk about her kids to you...as if you really care about kids produced by and loyal to another man, assuming he's even minimally in the picture. It's an incredible conflict of interests. I just walk away.
One disturbing thing I see is that a lot of never-married women have an intimacy problem. They can be incredibly cold.
I think you're right, that you would have more in common with some never-married, childless women. And I am not being critical of your choice not to date women with kids. You just sound as though you possess the same qualities that you are knocking in your female counterparts.
Since My DH died, I haven't dated a man who has never been married- by my choice. And I won't say never, but I can't imagaine that I ever would want to... And I much prefer someone who has had children. Someone who has experienced that depth of emotion that fatherhood can bring. Someone who has been hit in the face with a vertical stream of pee while changing a diaper at 3am. Someone who knows what it feels like to be more proud of a child's success than his own. And that just comes from being a dad-figure- genes have little to do with it. It doesn't make one group better than the other. It wouldn't surprise or disappoint me if it was a deal breaker to a guy that I have a child and shouldn't surprise the life-long single guy either, if previoulsy married women aren't drawn to him.
And, BTW, I knew Tom Lykus in the 80s when he was in south Florida. He used to be witty and cutting edge. We went out to dinner together and another time he came to my house for a small dinner party. He was a nice guy, we were just friends, but he had some major self-esteem related "woman" issues back then. He was noticably outside his comfort zone in social settings, but he was a good guy. He has become so bitter since then, it's like he is a different person. If he is your dating role model, be prepared to be miserable, because in his aloneness he has become jaded and nasty.
Last edited by Magnolia Bloom; 02-22-2008 at 11:25 PM..
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Thanks for keeping me on the straight and narrow.
