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To the guy who doesn't date women with children, I say you are a weak man, not someone any woman with an ounce of brain would want.
You must have just jumped into this thread.
It's about "yuppified" (hate that word, but what else) men approaching middle age without children and not wanting kids in the picture. There are childless people out there, you know. It's not about FRAUDS who say they have no children or are absent dads that pretend to "step up to the plate."
Read the flow, please, and may your rep always stay at 10.
Interesting that you use "payback mode." Good term and probably pretty accurate in his case.
He just cracks me up. And, to think that this guy would be nowhere if he hadn't found his niche and made some bucks just makes it all the more delicious.
It's amazing what G-list celeb status and a couple of bucks will do to your point of view.
I've followed this thread for pure entertainment purposes, but just wanted to add my 2 cents.
As a married woman with 3 children I think robertpolyglot is a very wise man. When I was single and looking in my late 20's I refused dates with single dads. I'm sure I bypassed many fine people, but I didn't want the potential responsibility of rearing someone else's kids. I didn't want the drama of interacting with the former spouse. Also, I wanted my OWN children.
I eventually married someone without any children. Now our children are pre-teen/teens and childrearing is time consuming and difficult enough when they are your own. I cannot imagine having the added difficulty of a step family situation. But to each his/her own.
Also, I never understood it when people said married couples who don't want/have children are "being selfish." You really have to WANT children and be committed to their upbringing to do the job of parenting correctly. Again, to each his/her own.
ARC
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot
You must have just jumped into this thread.
It's about "yuppified" (hate that word, but what else) men approaching middle age without children and not wanting kids in the picture. There are childless people out there, you know. It's not about FRAUDS who say they have no children or are absent dads that pretend to "step up to the plate."
Read the flow, please, and may your rep always stay at 10.
Well, I was a single mother, and not interested in dating men with children. Why? because I did not feel like sharing attention with their children? Of course, I expected them to share the attention with my daughter. Selfish? Yes. But many older singles are selfish and preoccupied with themselves, because when you have been living on your own and by yourself for so many years, you can do anything you choose, without having to put another person into the mix.
My husband was one of those men who had never dated not ever planned on dating a woman with children. He was in school/grad school/medical school into his early to mid thirties and always concentrated on his career. Well, when he met me he decided he would never find anyone better and after getting close to my daughter, he thinks she's the sweetest girl in the world. Neither one of us want more kids, so he feels its perfect he gets to have a child and have the best of both worlds. This from a man who would never have considered a single mom.
What I'm trying to say is, thats great that you think you know what you want, and if you think you don't want a woman with children, the by all means stick to it.
But life is funny and sometimes preconceptions are wrong and you truly don't know what you want until you have it.
Only a man who has been with very few( if any )women would think a "womb" is too big from childbirth to give a man pleasure. I would bet my donuts that Stacy is a Steve from New Jersey.
I would not want to devote my entire lifetime to a special needs kid for all that money either.
I don't know what you mean by this but DO NOT EVER assume to say something about my child! I guess as a self professed child hater you are not familiar with mother instincts. My claws come out and my back goes straight and I fight! I do not care what you do with your life or who you date and it's good you don't want children. My son has ADHD...I don't consider him special needs at all. He is one of the smartest, brightest kids in his grade and is also an exceptional athlete for his age. Just b/c you read a bunch of crap on the internet or the news tells about how horrible all children with ADD/ADHD are, don't assume you know anything about it. Just b/c you can't see someone on these forums, don't think it gives you the right to say anything you feel like saying. If you hate kids, good for you. But don't ever make blanket comments like that without explaining yourself.
Ok, so you are on the same wavelength with me on that...you see the lack of things in common. That's what I was getting at.
Even though you are not running to church all the time, the value system is there. Ditto for my Catholicism.
Good for you for doing the school thing. They can NEVER take that away from you...it's a fantastic investment.
Lastly, the difficult part...reconciling your wanting to stay put and finding the kind of men that would be suitable for you. How about a part-way compromise? Pittsburgh, PA. It ranks highly on so many surveys and you should be able to find men that are your equals and appropriate for you. You will need to deal with the fact that you need to be in a larger "market." I am glad to see that there are discerning young ladies out there. I hope things go well for you in school and in your quest for friends/romance.
Robert you might "hit it off" with this woman. Funny how you ask her to compromise yet you are unyielding. You don't have to have religion to have a value system. Catholic girls are told to procreate. You want a Catholic woman but you don't want to have children. That's going to be a deal breaker for most Catholic ladies.
Last edited by ElizaTeal; 02-26-2008 at 10:11 AM..
Catholic girls are told to procreate. You want a Catholic woman but you do want to have children. That's going to be a deal breaker for most Catholic ladies.
I have 16 years of Catholic school (through my B.S. degree) and still attend Mass fairly regularly. I date both Catholic and all Protestant women and even some raised in either of those faiths that are nominal but non-practicing.
It's because the age is NOT there. I've stated elsewhere in this forum that I would have wanted children at an earlier age, up to, say 35. So I doubt the 35 to early 40s set of women who focused on their careers want children, either. I've also stated elsewhere on this forum that the Catholic church doesn't pay for them. That whole Catholic "crank them out" mentality worked fine for Little House on the Prairie days and not for today's urban living. Also, there is no religion that suits me 100%, I don't want to be unchurched, so Catholic it is. I accept about 95+ % of what they have to say.
The girl who posted appears to be in her late 20s. That's too young, though she does sound like a sweet lady.
Boy, this whole "refusal to procreate" thing really gets women's claws out....* you know, that cat hissing sound* Accept that people have their checklist...you women do too. But the fact that the checklist says NO to children is something that you have to keep rebutting. As a professional who has a lot of education and a professional license under my belt, I really don't need the "but...but.." from someone I don't know that might have taken the path of least resistance....Thanks.
Boy, this whole "refusal to procreate" thing really gets women's claws out....* you know, that cat hissing sound* Accept that people have their checklist...you women do too. But the fact that the checklist says NO to children is something that you have to keep rebutting. As a professional who has a lot of education and a professional license under my belt, I really don't need the "but...but.." from someone I don't know that might have taken the path of least resistance....
Only you know your own heart and desires. It's sometimes hard for those with kids to imagine life without children b/c they are such a HUGE part of your life. I have several friends who chose not to have children and they are extremely happy and fulfilled. They take awesome vacations two or three times a year! We can't do that but it was our choice and I wouldn't change it for anything. They wouldn't change their choice. As long as you are not rude about it, don't worry about it. Although my list went out the window when I met my husband! I always dated blonde, blue eyed guys without mustaches/beards who were taller than me but not giants. Well my husband is 6'5", had dark hair (salt and pepper now...very dapper looking), hazel eyes, and has always had a short goatee. Oh yeah, I didn't date guys with kids before I got married either. Didn't want the baby momma hassles. It just seems like it would be hard to do now since divorce is so rampant and so many people have kids without ever getting married. I wish you lots of luck!
As a married woman with 3 children I think robertpolyglot is a very wise man. When I was single and looking in my late 20's I refused dates with single dads. I'm sure I bypassed many fine people, but I didn't want the potential responsibility of rearing someone else's kids. I didn't want the drama of interacting with the former spouse. Also, I wanted my OWN children.
I eventually married someone without any children. Now our children are pre-teen/teens and childrearing is time consuming and difficult enough when they are your own. I cannot imagine having the added difficulty of a step family situation.
You are one of the coolest people on this thread...very level-headed and very respectful. You say that you may have "bypassed many fine people"...agreed, it's the difficult dynamics that penalize the incoming single person that I don't care for, which you have stated and others agree with.
Believe me, I am scouting around for interesting and attractive childless professional women and they are out there...and some of them are looking to settle down, while others say they are, but might be licking their wounds. It's real crazy out there. LOL.
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You really have to WANT children and be committed to their upbringing to do the job of parenting correctly. Again, to each his/her own.
