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First, I never said anything about a 2-3 date rule, I don't have "rules" is this regard.
Second, you're conflating two different things. Chemistry between two people and sexual compatibility/chemistry between two people are different. They both need to be there. If chemistry is there but not sexual compatibility, then that person becomes a friend. Waiting any period of time won't change our sexual chemistry/compatibility. We can be incredibly compatible, as I am with my closest friends, but if the sexual chemistry isn't there that is all it will ever be, a platonic friendship. Those are great, don't get me wrong.
Third, sexual incompatibility is very common. Some people think it is, because they think it is technique, or engaging in XYZ and that it is just about open mindedness and willingness to make your partner's enjoyment a priority, but those people fundamentally misunderstand what sexual incompatibility is. Teaching someone how you want to be touched, or technique, is not what sexual chemistry or compatibility is about. At all. If someone can think they can teach someone some techniques and that is good enough, then fine, I think those people have very simple, basic, boring expectations for sex generally. But each to their own.
And fourth, lets not pretend this is a guy thing. I've slept with women and they didn't want to see me again romantically, they didn't like it or didn't feel it. That was the end of the romantic relationship. It couldn't have been date one, or I could have known them for six months. I've been invited upstairs after a date and refused for a myriad of reasons, and with only a few exceptions that person moved on. This isn't a male vs female thing.
And if what you doing is working for you, then great. That's what is important. But I, and most all men and women I know would never even contemplate committing to someone if they don't know if there is the possibility of a LTR, for which knowing if sexual chemistry is there is critical.
And again, if I'm attracted to someone as a person, but the sexual chemistry isn't there, then we become friends. There is zero reason to force a romantic relationship with someone when that critical component of a relationship isn't there.
Oh, and BTW, I don't think men have sex with prostitutes all the time, I think a very small percentage of men go that route, and I don't consider that having "sex" with someone. That is using someone else's body that you've hired to get off. It's a very different thing. And sex isn't about "getting off", if all you think that a guy or girl needs to be happy with sex is to have an orgasm then I really don't know what to tell you.
I didn't mean most men have sex with prostitutes but rather some do...so if you already like this person on levels other than sex, why is it that sex would change that? Its like you're saying everything else about this person works for me but the sex wasn't perfect so I don't want them anymore...therefore the most important component in a relationship to you is sex above everything else.
I still don't understand sexual chemistry and what you were looking for? Is it a spark you feel when your penis is in her? Is it how experienced she is? Please elaborate. To me sexual chemistry would be an emotional connection I feel with a person during sex so I'm just curious.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glamgal198
I didn't mean most men have sex with prostitutes but rather some do...so if you already like this person on levels other than sex, why is it that sex would change that? Its like you're saying everything else about this person works for me but the sex wasn't perfect so I don't want them anymore...therefore the most important component in a relationship to you is sex above everything else.
I still don't understand sexual chemistry and what you were looking for? Is it a spark you feel when your penis is in her? Is it how experienced she is? Please elaborate. To me sexual chemistry would be an emotional connection I feel with a person during sex so I'm just curious.
I never said anything about perfection. I said if sexual chemistry and compatibility isn't there then there is no hope for a romantic relationship. It isn't that it is the most important thing in a romantic relationship, but it is critical to have a romantic relationship. Otherwise you're going to have a romantic relationship with subpar sex or even no sex.
If I had chemistry with them that will still be there, that wouldn't change, and the person may become an amazing friend... but why date someone that you don't want to have sex with and doesn't want to have sex with you, or where you both don't really enjoy it? That doesn't make any sense. You can like people and care about them, and enjoy spending time with them and not want to be romantically involved with them.
And what is this focus on "penis insertion" crud on this board lately? Is that all there is to sex to some people? I swear, it seems like so many people here think sex is just a mechanical thing that is same by the numbers with each person and that the only variable is how you feel about that person. That is so far from the truth it isn't funny. It's just sad. It's sexual chemistry and compatibility... that is what it is. It isn't something to be dissected. Just like chemistry with a person you first meet, it isn't something that has a checklist, or can be forced, and you have no way of knowing if it will be there or not... it just is or it is not.
I never said anything about perfection. I said if sexual chemistry and compatibility isn't there then there is no hope for a romantic relationship. It isn't that it is the most important thing in a romantic relationship, but it is critical to have a romantic relationship. Otherwise you're going to have a romantic relationship with subpar sex or even no sex.
If I had chemistry with them that will still be there, that wouldn't change, and the person may become an amazing friend... but why date someone that you don't want to have sex with and doesn't want to have sex with you, or where you both don't really enjoy it? That doesn't make any sense. You can like people and care about them, and enjoy spending time with them and not want to be romantically involved with them.
And what is this focus on "penis insertion" crud on this board lately? Is that all there is to sex to some people? I swear, it seems like so many people here think sex is just a mechanical thing that is same by the numbers with each person and that the only variable is how you feel about that person. That is so far from the truth it isn't funny. It's just sad. It's sexual chemistry and compatibility... that is what it is. It isn't something to be dissected. Just like chemistry with a person you first meet, it isn't something that has a checklist, or can be forced, and you have no way of knowing if it will be there or not... it just is or it is not.
Yes. Penis insertion=sex. Anything else leading up to or in addition to penis insertion is not sex. Otherwise, I'm not a virgin and I don't need therapy.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Yes. Penis insertion=sex. Anything else leading up to or in addition to penis insertion is not sex. Otherwise, I'm not a virgin and I don't need therapy.
That is what sexual intercourse is, but it is not what "having sex" is about. Having sex with someone is not a string of mechanical steps.
I anyone that thinks that it is well get the help they need or see the light.
That is what sexual intercourse is, but it is not what "having sex" is about. Having sex with someone is not a string of mechanical steps.
I anyone that thinks that it is well get the help they need or see the light.
The bolded part is so true!! Sex is the whole act. The foreplay, the things you do together and how they feel. Women talk all the time how bad sex with their partners is, because the guy has no imagination, and just gets on top, and he's done in like 3 minutes. And Women can be just as un imaginative in many cases. So yes there is a sexual chemistry. There can be sex so good that when you see that person you can't wait to tear their clothes off again, and sex so bad, that if you see that person again, you may stab them with a rusty butter knife
That is what sexual intercourse is, but it is not what "having sex" is about. Having sex with someone is not a string of mechanical steps.
I anyone that thinks that it is well get the help they need or see the light.
I'm not saying it is a string of mechanical steps, but stop acting like the penis insertion step isn't a big part of sex. Most people aren't just having outercourse.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
I'm not saying it is a string of mechanical steps, but stop acting like the penis insertion step isn't a big part of sex. Most people aren't just having outercourse.
Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't, and I don't care what "most people" do, especially since reading this forum and seeing all the bizarre notions people have. I get that you have a hang up, but that's your issue to deal with how you will. It's not something 99.999% ever need to face.
I'm not saying it is a string of mechanical steps, but stop acting like the penis insertion step isn't a big part of sex. Most people aren't just having outercourse.
Maybe, but this sounds like when religious people do "everything but" so that they can tell themselves that they're still virgins. I'm sorry, but if you've had your face in someone's crotch or your fingers in a variety of nooks and crannies, you can't really play the pure, innocent virgin card. It's all sex.
I'm not saying it is a string of mechanical steps, but stop acting like the penis insertion step isn't a big part of sex. Most people aren't just having outercourse.
The penis being inserted doesn't really have anything to do with good sex or bad sex. This is sort of like saying that putting your hand on someone's back is a big part of the massage. No - a good or bad massage doesn't really have anything to do with placing your hand on someone's back. How do you move that hand. How firm or gentle are you. Do you use your elbows, too? How fast or slow do you go? How do you breathe while giving the massage? How big or small are your strokes? I don't think that if someone merely placed their hand on your back that you would think that that was all that a massage was about any more than a penis merely being inserted is all there is to sex.
The penis being inserted doesn't really have anything to do with good sex or bad sex. This is sort of like saying that putting your hand on someone's back is a big part of the massage. No - a good or bad massage doesn't really have anything to do with placing your hand on someone's back. How do you move that hand. How firm or gentle are you. Do you use your elbows, too? How fast or slow do you go? How do you breathe while giving the massage? How big or small are your strokes? I don't think that if someone merely placed their hand on your back that you would think that that was all that a massage was about any more than a penis merely being inserted is all there is to sex.
Pretty much hit the nail on the head, I don't think it can be explained much better than this
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