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Old 02-19-2016, 07:01 PM
 
4 posts, read 3,775 times
Reputation: 10

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Hello, this is really quite hopeless but I thought I'd give it a try asking here.

My problem is this: I'm 25 and I'm in a relationship for the first time.

5 months ago I found an amazing girl, we were an instant match and fell in love really fast. She's pretty much everything I'd want from a girl: she's sexy, funny, amazingly caring, I can open myself to her completely, we can talk about anything; and she truly loves me, and I absolutely love her.

This is also the first relationship for her, but unlike me, she's had many sexual partners before, pretty much one-night-stands. Now, I'm okay with that, I'm not self-conscious about her having quite a few past partners; I'm well endowed and I learned quickly how to pleasure her, she keeps saying how amazing I am and that I'm by far the best she's ever had and she wouldn't want anyone else except me.

But there's one thing I can't get over. She has slept twice with a guy who she doesn't even like in any way or form. Now, when she first talked about it, I thought that the guy was just a jerk, but at least a handsome one or had some other good qualities about him that would make him attractive. But I happened to meet the guy about 2 months ago, and as stupid as it sounds, my world pretty much shattered at that point. The guy was below-average looking, about 18 years older than her, and overall just...pointless, revolting even, there was absolutely NOTHING attractive about him; and it's not only my own subjective opinion, my GF said she thinks the same.

The reason why she slept with him was that she was going through a tough time, trying to find someone who'd love her but always ending up being exploited, used for sex; and that guy, as ugly and unattractive as he was, was the only one who seemed to pay attention to her at that time, so I guess it somewhat alleviated her pain...But that guy was just like all the others, he just exploited her desperate situation.

Now, I get it, I understand why she did it; she's also told me that she regrets sleeping with that guy. And I know that it shouldn't matter what she's done in the past as long as she's learned from her mistakes and she won't do it again. But as hard as I've tried for the past 2 months, I just can't, for the life of me, get over the fact that my sweet lovely girl has slept with someone as hideous and pointless as that guy, that she has given herself to a stupid jock like that to just use [bleep] her. I want to get over it, I really do, but I.just.can't.

I've read that guys who've had little previous sexual experience have a hard time coping with their GFs having a lot of sexual partners in their past, and something like this is probably happening with me too it seems. Or I'm not just mature enough to appreciate a wonderful woman for what she is now, rather than what she was before...But I get this thought almost every day: my lovely girl [bleep] by that worthless old bastard who shouldn't have any business near a girl like that (yes, I'm also jealous it seems); and it hurts, it hurts so [bleep] much, I can literally feel something cramp up in my chest. My love for her grows with every day, and the more I love her, the more that thought hurts...And I'm at a point where I feel I just can't go on, I can't get over this stupid thing, no matter how much I try to explain to myself that it doesn't matter what she's done in the past...Apparently it DOES matter, finding excuses and explanations doesn't change that fact that she's done it.

I've tried for the past 2 months to change my views on this matter, and nothing so far has worked. I just feel that she has ruined herself with her actions in the past and nothing can rewind the time. Every day I find myself wishing it was just a bad dream that she has done something like this...Am I a horrible and judgemental bastard for thinking like that? Is there any hope that this feeling will go away?

I really don't know what to do anymore. I can't leave a girl who I love and who loves me so dearly, but I also can't go on with this stupid thought tearing me up inside almost every single day...It's like some stupid kind of jealousy mixed with other emotions that I haven't managed to figure out yet - I feel that the fact that worthless bastard slept with my GF makes him comparable with me, which he clearly is not (he is not only an ugly looking and, for the lack of a better describing word - just a stupid jock, he also exploits other people around him and is just an overall worthless human being, again not only my own personal opinion, but others people's too).

Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-20-2016 at 02:52 PM.. Reason: Inappropriate language.

 
Old 02-19-2016, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 24,966,016 times
Reputation: 51106
I'm curious how you know that she had many partners, including many one-night-stands?


If it was because she told you, than she is the one who is not mature enough to know when to keep quiet.
 
Old 02-19-2016, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Middle of nowhere
24,261 posts, read 14,113,586 times
Reputation: 9895
" I just feel that she has ruined herself with her actions in the past and nothing can rewind the time."

Maybe try thinking about her as a person that has value that is not tied to her sexual past. Sorry, but a womans value is not kept between her legs.
 
Old 02-19-2016, 07:11 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,756 posts, read 11,946,202 times
Reputation: 30140
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I'm curious how you know that she had many partners, including many one-night-stands?
I'd like to know this too because it seems like every week there's a new guy posting this exact type of thread, the more experienced GF and he knows every last detail about her previous sexual encounters.
 
Old 02-19-2016, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,579,270 times
Reputation: 98359
Yes, once you begin to view her as a human woman instead of a perfect storybook princess, you'll get over it.
 
Old 02-19-2016, 07:18 PM
 
251 posts, read 167,883 times
Reputation: 337
You need to grow up dude,

What she did before she met you is none of your business,

she cares about you enough to confide in you (mistake)
and now you want to punish her for it ?

consider yourself lucky to have met such a wonderful
girl and move on
 
Old 02-19-2016, 07:29 PM
 
4 posts, read 3,775 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I'm curious how you know that she had many partners, including many one-night-stands?


If it was because she told you, than she is the one who is not mature enough to know when to keep quiet.
As I said, we talk about everything, and we've openly shared our past. It would've come out sooner or later.



Quote:
Originally Posted by jjrose View Post
" I just feel that she has ruined herself with her actions in the past and nothing can rewind the time."

Maybe try thinking about her as a person that has value that is not tied to her sexual past. Sorry, but a womans value is not kept between her legs.
Maybe I'm old-fashioned or I don't know what, but I think that sex is something you don't share with just about any random bloke, it should have at least some sort of meaning. Just my own opinion

Mod cut.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-20-2016 at 02:56 PM.. Reason: Orphaned (reply to post which has been deleted).
 
Old 02-19-2016, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,579,270 times
Reputation: 98359
You aren't in love with her.

You're in love with a fantasy you've cultivated. You aren't as much immature as you are insecure, as proven by your need to tell the Internet your penis size.

Just stop.
 
Old 02-19-2016, 07:36 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,069,663 times
Reputation: 22274
If you can't get past this, then she should be free to find someone who will love her for who she is instead of someone that thinks she "ruined" herself because of her past.
 
Old 02-19-2016, 07:40 PM
 
1,278 posts, read 1,107,889 times
Reputation: 4004
You need to get it into your brain that you have zero right to judge her based on what she did before you ever even knew she existed. It's not like you even had an inkling that she was out there somewhere while this was going on with that other dude. What exactly do you expect her to do now? Build a time machine and erase what happened? You're being totally unreasonable and you need to stop.

Either accept the fact that she had a life before you rambled along or else only date virgins. Good luck with finding one.
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