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Wow, interesting that you say that, because I do ask what their type is and most of the time, I get the, "I don't have a type" answer. Hmm, i didn't actually think of it that way. Thank you very much! Now at least my confidence doesn't take as much of hit..I guess its really NOT PERSONAL. Even though it is that way, an explanation would do wonders, I wouldn't take it personally, or beg for another chance, heck at least i would know, instead of feeling like I am doing something wrong!
Wow, I actually had the SAME THING happen to me! Haha, had a girl text me this weekend, my response, who is this? Funny thing was I met her through meetup which you would think would be better considering that its face to face, but NOPE, same wierdos on there too!
Yeah you are right, but these are women that are sometimes in their early, mid, to late 30s and 40s and STILL act this way..its appalling..one girl ROYALLY f'ed up..we had a good time, i got to know her, she has a sucky job...well guess what I was going to do? I was going to get her a job making $5 more per hour t at my work and so I called her...1, 2, 3 times..she refused to take my calls...i guess she got what she wanted. She has lost the opportunity now, hope this serves as a reminder, to NOT BURN BRIDGES.
As for the skin thing, you are right, but I work in customer service, so my skin is a little worn out by now, funny thing is, that i could never understand how guys could flake on women. I just don't get it.
Another frustration I have is that I learned that I am Demi sexual(only sexually attracted to those with a emotional/romantic interest), I am a decent looking guy, but i can count on one hand how many one night stands that I have ever had. I do love sex and I have a high drive, but I can't just do it the first time when I meet someone, its always awkward to me. The reason that I say this, is because I get tired of having to explain how I am to women. There are so many thirsty guys out there and like i tell them, you can't value something that you just give away. This is why men are NOT respected in relationships because i feel sometimes because they just give it up and let themselves be walked all over and most women know that they are simple. I am not, believe it or not, that came up one time, and the woman actually told me, "I like simple guys.", I don't know if you have any insight onto this, but if you do, please share.
This is just my honest opinion, most ppl really do have a type. When they say I don't have 1, it's because you aren't it. That's what I do. When you're not their usual type they're 'trying something new' which equals much higher chance of being flaked on
Now when someone is my type, I tell them straight up my type is them
I'm currently dating someone, but when I was looking I stopped responding to anyone who wasn't my type physically because I knew I'd either flake on them, waste their time or never truly be satisfied
It sounds like you have two problems in my opinion.
The first is you are having trouble closing and getting the date to actually happen. You should get a book on closing/texting and game in general. There is nothing wrong with this.There are tons out there. I have a book called "Text That Girl" with tons of content on texting and communication. I definitely recommend you stop what you are doing and get something like this immediately. You are just burning potential partners right now.
The second problem is you are listening to what the woman says on the profile. You should completely ignore that. Women are sexual creatures and just put they don't want "FWB" because they don't want to seem like a ****. This is called “**** shaming”. This theory is also in a lot of the books out there. You need to watch what she does and not listen to what she says.
I recommend that you read about game and picking up women in general. There are tons of sites out there. I found this guys site and he actually has a review for the "Text That Girl" book I mentioned. The site is "ModernMack.com". Minus the quotes of course.
Good Luck man. I hope everything gets better for you.
The first girl, is caucasian, I am hispanic. I don't think that that really matters, but I know that it does to some which is why I stopped messaging caucasian girls all together. Things that I noticed that stand out are if they say that they are into "country guys" or into "mudding, hunting and fishing". I take "country guys" as a eupherism for "white guys" because how many asians, blacks, and hispanics do you know that are "country"?
So looking at her profile, it said that she was actively seeking a relationship, she says that she is not here to hook up or be a fwb(which the majority of profiles say for some reason). Says she is a lady and deserves to go out on a date...says that she is looking for someone serious and if you are going to "ghost" then its better to just move along. I didn't detect anything out of the ordinary on that profile.
The second profile was very short..after you get past the "I FOUND MY SOULMATE!" part, you says that you should message her if you are nice respectful and have a big heart(which I do) and to keep it real or don't contact her at all.
The third profile, we messaged back and forth, asked for her number, she stopped responding, i asked if it was too forward, and she said no, then I asked if she wanted to text and she stopped responding AGAIN. Her profile the only thing i saw was that she says that she is into tall guys with tattoos(I have none), she says shes plus size, meaning she is fat(her words not mine) and you should message her if you want to talk..basically profile was short as well..other than that. I have nothing.
Oh had 1 more..a girl and I were talking...asked for her number and she gives me her FACEBOOK. I don't have FACEBOOK, and if I did, i wouldn't give it to some girl I just met online. I am a very private person. Also her profile was clean as well, no red flags, said that she moved to my state two years ago, likes her job and has a positive outlook on life.
At this point, I have no idea what I am doing..is it too forward to ask for a number? Should I let the woman just suggest it or give it to me?
Wait! Stop discounting yourself. One of my best boyfriends was Puerto Rican and he was very country.
Want to prevent flaking ruining your plans? Double book your nights. That way, if one flakes, there's a fallback option for that evening.
The milder version of this is to schedule with multiple girls on back to back nights. One on Monday, one on Tuesday, one on Wednesday.
Also best to avoid meeting girls on sites/apps and go meet them in real life. They'll have more respect for you and less likely to flake, though female flakiness is a huge problem in general.
Online dating is like the bar that has 20 dudes for every woman. When women have too many options it makes a lot of them flakey. That's why I call Plenty of Fish...Plenty of Flakes. Combine this with the simple fact that the women that use OLD were already overly picky to begin with, you end up with a recipe for disaster.
Quote:
Originally Posted by YaFace
Lettuce be honest here, people who use online dating are socially awkward to begin with, or else they would've met someone in real life. OLD is the laziest method of dating known to man, of course people are going to flake.
I don't think it's just socially awkward people... a lot of it is people that are ultra picky. I mean cmon when you see the same attractive woman on Match for a year strasight, you know something is up. She's either dating and banging a hell a lot of guys, or she's a serial dater that never puts out, or 3. She's waiting for a perfect 10 to come along.
Last edited by wanderlust76; 02-28-2016 at 05:02 PM..
So I have been doing online dating for a while, too long as a matter of fact. I feel like the longer you do it, the worse that it gets. It is better to get on and get off as soon as you can. Anyways...
So my issue is this, I have been dating off and on and I keep coming across several issues. One of them is that girls flake. I had a girl cancel on me the day of the date, stating that she was just too tired when the date was her idea and she picked the time, when I spoke to her later that day, and I asked her when she would like to meet, she said..idk...yeah next.
Anyways, flaking like really annoys me, I take it as a waste of my time. My time is valuable and I work a full time job, at the gym, and doing other things. So if a person wants to see me, I can make time for them, but I expect them to show up when they say that they are going to, is that too much to ask for? I looked up some websites on the issue and I couldn't find much except to "not take it personally" and that we as men shouldn't get upset. I think that is total bs, again my time is valuable.
Another thing that I have an issue with is that I will have women post stuff like, "I dont' want to get hurt again" "Not looking for a fwb, or want to deal with mental/emotional games" That's fine, but then they turn around and either ghost on me, or end up playing the same games that they just complained about. I have no idea how to avoid these women. A friend of mine gave me a tip, he said that when a woman says they don't want to get hurt again, this means that they are not over their ex or what their ex did to them. I am a very literal person so I just thought that mean they didn't want to get hurt again and that they are looking for someone that will not do that. I told him that I never thought of it that way.
So is there a way to avoid these people/issues? Its really starting to bum me out. I moved to a new city last year and this seems to be the only way that most people are meeting nowadays. I tried meetup and that did not work either.
This is par for the course in online dating. There is not much you can do to avoid (or screen for) flaky people. I even had a girl flake after what appeared to be a great first date (that lasted hours).
You're correct -- time is valuable and not something you want to waste. A lot of people go back and forth on how much to communicate/interact (email, text, phone, etc.) before meeting the first time. Based on my experience, I'd suggest trying to arrange a first date sooner rather than later and not to spend too much time before that first date texting, talking on the phone, etc. With that approach, you've achieved a short term objective (arranging to meet in person) without having invested too much time. If they cancel last minute, your response should be something along the lines of 'It's OK. Let me know when you have come up with a better time.' and not initiate any contact unless she reaches out with a better time to meet (which, at this stage, is quite unlikely).
Think of it this way: OLD has some flakiness by nature. If you're planning to go on a date with someone for, say, a certain block (let's say Friday 8-11 PM), there shouldn't be too much opportunity cost if they cancel b/c you didn't have anything else scheduled. Even though it's annoying, at least you didn't have to spend the time and money on a date with said flaky person and you got that time back to spend as you desired.
Another point -- do not let these frustrations deter you from continuing OLD. I've had more than my share of frustrations and have returned to OLD every time I stopped. When you think about it, OLD is one of the best options especially if you're in a new city and don't have many people to make introductions. It's much better than Meetup.
Those lines you mention ('I don't want to get hurt. Not looking for FWB') are throwaway lines. If, after viewing someone's profile, I wanted to reach out to her, I would not let those lines deter me from doing so.
One caveat is that, while OLD tends to be flaky, last minute cancellations should not represent a high % of your total scheduled and agreed to first dates. Since moving to my current city (3.5 months), I've been on 7 first dates, none of which cancelled. In my previous locale, I can't think of too many cancellations or no shows though there are the ones you talk to and feel have promise but fade over time. If a non-trivial percentage of your scheduled first dates are cancelling, I'd consider that an anomaly -- maybe you can ask your friends why that might be (based on your profile, approach, their knowledge of your behavior, etc.).
Ok, I will respond to everyones replies when I get back from the gym. FYI tho, I am talking to someone RIGHT NOW. She is close to my age and we are having a good conversation. We have 44 message already texted through today. I have asked her for her number and she said not yet as some guy that we she was talking to would not take no for an answer this weekend. What does that has to do with me? I don't know. Her posts were lengthy at first and now they are starting to become statements.
She has asked me NO QUESTIONS at all at this point, which is started to get annoying. I feel like im on "interview mode" and it takes TWO to have a conversation. What do you guys think?
Ok, I will respond to everyones replies when I get back from the gym. FYI tho, I am talking to someone RIGHT NOW. She is close to my age and we are having a good conversation. We have 44 message already texted through today. I have asked her for her number and she said not yet as some guy that we she was talking to would not take no for an answer this weekend. What does that has to do with me? I don't know. Her posts were lengthy at first and now they are starting to become statements.
She has asked me NO QUESTIONS at all at this point, which is started to get annoying. I feel like im on "interview mode" and it takes TWO to have a conversation. What do you guys think?
It sounds like the issue you're having with online, which is a similar issue with many people (men and women), is that people have been on it so long they've lost faith in the practice. On the flip side, their life has become so routine, because quite frankly most of our lives are, they're not finding themselves in the right places to meet the right kind of person for them. So they go back to their online dating profile for the 100th time, searching the same profiles, and reading the same dribble.
Sure, we can take that extra step to separate us from the pack in our profiles, but isn't that what everyone is essentially doing, so everyone's profile still reads somewhat similar. Just as you mentioned with the no cheaters, druggies, alcoholics, or FWBs. I don't think it's the people, but I think the medium of online dating has reached a point to where it doesn't work for a large majority of people outside of casual talking and casual dates here and there.
I stopped using online dating, because it just seemed like I kept ending up in the same place. A few messages back and forth and then nothing. A date or two and then nothing. An exchange of numbers, yet never leading to a date. Also, I started to feel that online dating was causing me to have a very lazy approach. I found myself being less involved out in public where single women would be, and more focused on if the woman I was chatting with on OKC was going to message me back. That was the problem. I was more interested in the digital than the physical, so it was a good thing that I abandoned the process for a while, if not for good.
Ok, I will respond to everyones replies when I get back from the gym. FYI tho, I am talking to someone RIGHT NOW. She is close to my age and we are having a good conversation. We have 44 message already texted through today. I have asked her for her number and she said not yet as some guy that we she was talking to would not take no for an answer this weekend. What does that has to do with me? I don't know. Her posts were lengthy at first and now they are starting to become statements.
She has asked me NO QUESTIONS at all at this point, which is started to get annoying. I feel like im on "interview mode" and it takes TWO to have a conversation. What do you guys think?
I would play this very calmly and cool and it depends on how much you are into her. She thinks you're obsessed with her and she's going into defense mode. You need to back off and relax, and cut the 40 text messages in one day.
Ok, I will respond to everyones replies when I get back from the gym. FYI tho, I am talking to someone RIGHT NOW. She is close to my age and we are having a good conversation. We have 44 message already texted through today. I have asked her for her number and she said not yet as some guy that we she was talking to would not take no for an answer this weekend. What does that has to do with me? I don't know. Her posts were lengthy at first and now they are starting to become statements.
She has asked me NO QUESTIONS at all at this point, which is started to get annoying. I feel like im on "interview mode" and it takes TWO to have a conversation. What do you guys think?
If her messages have decreased in length and she's not asking questions, she is losing interest and is simply responding to your questions/comments. Remember that your goal is to generate attraction not obtain information or get responses. By obtaining information or responses to your inquiries, you're not generating attraction so much as exchanging information. Exchange of too many messages/too much info becomes mundane and time consuming, which actually detracts from attraction.
With OLD, you should never ask directly for a girl's phone numbers. If she wants you to have her phone number, she'll give it to you without you having to ask for it. I usually ask if we can communicate via direct/personal email as it's a lot more convenient than messaging through the site and offer my email address when making this request. It's very rare for this request to be rejected. Once I get an email address, it's pretty common for the girl to offer her phone number (though some don't). If you have an email address and have traded a few messages without receiving her number (but would like it), you could offer your number and say something like 'Btw, I can be reached via text as well, if that's more convenient for you. My number is...' I don't take this approach very often but it's about the most directly I would ask for a number or recommend that you ask for one.
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