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Old 02-23-2016, 06:31 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,671,004 times
Reputation: 98359

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Quote:
Originally Posted by CowGrrl View Post
Maybe what I was looking for in posting this was to see if anyone thought my actions short of physically being with him would be acceptable if I staid with my fiance. Although I admit the attraction would eventually grow too strong and he has made it clear he wants to see me again soon

last night he texted me right before bed, which was dangerous, my fiance could have seen it
You're having an affair.

Pick one or the other. This kind of situation is impossible to sustain, and it makes you miserable. You are spending emotional energy on this person who, frankly, doesn't deserve it, and robbing your fiance and your daughter of the attention and love they should be getting. If you don't think that's true, then go back and think about how much time you've spent thinking about this dude just so you can get those tingly feelings in your nether region all over again.

Take charge of your life for once, lady, and start learning how to operate like a grown-up.
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Old 02-23-2016, 06:37 AM
 
1,278 posts, read 1,109,880 times
Reputation: 4004
Quote:
Originally Posted by CowGrrl View Post
Maybe what I was looking for in posting this was to see if anyone thought my actions short of physically being with him would be acceptable if I staid with my fiance.
On what planet do you think you're living? Seriously, how could you think that anyone here would approve or encourage you to continue cheating on your fiance? It's highly likely that a large number of folks here in the relationship forum have been cheated on themselves so the chances of anyone here being in favor of you cheating are pretty much zero.
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Old 02-23-2016, 08:00 AM
 
2,163 posts, read 1,540,903 times
Reputation: 6027
Quote:
Originally Posted by CowGrrl View Post
That's not exactly true, at the time I got pregnant, I was not exclusive and both guys knew and accepted that.
You said in the first post that neither of them knew of one another.

'Recently I got a facebook friend request from an old boyfriend who I was dating when I got pregnant. To back up, I was dating two guys at the same time but they did not know about each other. I was pretty sure he was not the father because he had been out of town for work a couple weeks before I discovered I was pregnant. He is an african american guy and I am white, when my daughter was born, I knew it was not his too.'
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Old 02-23-2016, 08:05 AM
 
2,163 posts, read 1,540,903 times
Reputation: 6027
Quote:
Originally Posted by CowGrrl View Post
Maybe what I was looking for in posting this was to see if anyone thought my actions short of physically being with him would be acceptable if I staid with my fiance. Although I admit the attraction would eventually grow too strong and he has made it clear he wants to see me again soon

last night he texted me right before bed, which was dangerous, my fiance could have seen it
What would happen if the situation were reversed and your (poor misled) fiance were the one cheating? Oh, you'd hit the roof, wouldn't you?

What keeps you from just going to be with the 'good man who truly loves' you? Lower income bracket?
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Old 02-23-2016, 08:06 AM
 
Location: In the bee-loud glade
5,573 posts, read 3,328,761 times
Reputation: 12295
Quote:
Originally Posted by CowGrrl View Post
I have been with my fiance for about 4 years, we live together and am recently engaged to him. I am in my mid 30's, divorced with a teenage daughter. I got pregnant young and married the father before she was born. That didnt last but a year and a half. In and out of LTR's since then but nothing has stuck. Until I met my fiance about 4 years ago. I fell for him real hard. He is a good man, a few years older than me. Good stable job, life in order, gets along with my daughter. Also good in bed, treats me so well. I never lack for sex or emotional support from him.

Recently I got a facebook friend request from an old boyfriend who I was dating when I got pregnant. To back up, I was dating two guys at the same time but they did not know about each other. I was pretty sure he was not the father because he had been out of town for work a couple weeks before I discovered I was pregnant. He is an african american guy and I am white, when my daughter was born, I knew it was not his too.

Anyway, after I divorced my ex, we got back together briefly, I fell for him real hard as well. He was the best sex I have ever had, very endowed too, and stamina for days. His job however made him move out of state halfway across the country and I could not follow him. We kept in touch over the years, reuniting for a few quickies if our paths crossed. Then he got married, and I did not hear from him for several years.

Anyway, about 6 months after I started dating my fiance, I facebook friend request from him out of the blue. We caught up a little, and I found out he lives not far from me. When he found out, he wanted to meet up to catch up. I wanted to, but was kind of uncomfortable with it because I had suspicions that I might fall for him again. Especially when I learned his marriage was on the rocks. I thought he might have been looking for a back up plan. I broke off contact and unfriended him on facebook.

Flash forward about 3 years. He sends me a Facebook message and friend request saying he has to talk to me. He tells me his divorce was just finalized and he wanted to catch up with me. I told him I was engaged and in love with my man. He wouldnt take no for an answer, so I just chatted with him. Initially just catching up, but within a week, it escalated to him hitting on me, telling me his feelings. Telling me the things he missed doing to me, that he wanted to do to me again. This caught me completely off guard and I was getting turned on by our chat sessions. This went on for a month or so, and he started insisting to see me in person. My fiance would probably question this, as he should. He knows nothing about this guy or what I have been doing. To satisfy him, I sent him some pics of myself. Just head shots initially. He sent pictures of himself. NAKED. ERECT. I was turned on even more by this, so I sent him a pic of myself in a bra. The longer this went on, eventually I had sent him several fully nude pictures of myself.

In January, my fiance was going to be out of town for a week. I knew I would have an opportunity to meet up with him without any questioning. My daughter had been asking to stay over at a friends house for a while, so I arranged for it to happen one night while my fiance was gone.

We met up at an Applebees approximately halfway between his house and mine. We sat next to each other and he couldn't keep his hands off of me. I was getting so turned on. I had to have him that night. After a couple drinks and dinner, there was no way I could say no. He came back to my house and we had some absolutely amazing sex. It felt so good, he professed his love to me, saying he should have never let me go back then, that he was so upset when my daughter was born and it wasnt his, but still loved me all this time.

I told him he could not stay the night, so he left, asking when we could get together again. I told him enthusiastically SOON!

After he left, I cleaned up and was laying in bed and guilt and regret washed over me.

I love my fiance. He is everything I have looked for in my life as a partner, however I still have feelings for this other man. It's tearing me apart.

It's been about a month since this happened. I continue to chat with him, it makes me feel good for a few minutes, but again with the guilt. My fiance has no clue what happened or what is going on. The ex-boyfriend has been pushing to get together again, but I have been putting him off. He seems impatient at times. Insulting my fiance, even though he does not know him.

I think I have to break it off completely with the ex-boyfriend, but part of me does not want to.

Part of me wants to keep him around just to talk dirty to me on chat, I feel that if I just do that, it's not being unfaithful to my fiance / husband to be. But at the same time, I know my fiance, if he found out, he would consider such things cheating.

What do I do?
Quote:
Originally Posted by CowGrrl View Post
That's not exactly true, at the time I got pregnant, I was not exclusive and both guys knew and accepted that.

Me thinks thou dost jerk us around. Pretty good read, though.
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Old 02-23-2016, 08:08 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,896,323 times
Reputation: 15255
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobCaldwell View Post
What would happen if the situation were reversed and your (poor misled) fiance were the one cheating? Oh, you'd hit the roof, wouldn't you?

What keeps you from just going to be with the 'good man who truly loves' you? Lower income bracket?
Maybe he was knocking boots while he was out of town? Lol!
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Old 02-23-2016, 08:22 AM
 
27 posts, read 17,301 times
Reputation: 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobCaldwell View Post
You said in the first post that neither of them knew of one another.

'Recently I got a facebook friend request from an old boyfriend who I was dating when I got pregnant. To back up, I was dating two guys at the same time but they did not know about each other. I was pretty sure he was not the father because he had been out of town for work a couple weeks before I discovered I was pregnant. He is an african american guy and I am white, when my daughter was born, I knew it was not his too.'
They both knew I was not exclusive with them, but they did not know each other. Once I got pregnant, I obviously had to tell the other one. But there was never the expectation that I was exclusive. They never knew the other. Or maybe I should have said there was never the expectation of exclusivity.
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Old 02-23-2016, 08:26 AM
 
3,063 posts, read 3,260,080 times
Reputation: 3641
Stereotypical endowed black male? Penthouse sex story? New poster?

Yeah right op.
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Old 02-23-2016, 08:37 AM
 
2,163 posts, read 1,540,903 times
Reputation: 6027
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
Stereotypical endowed black male? Penthouse sex story? New poster?

Yeah right op.
lol, I dunno, I tend to believe these types of threads. As we all know there are women in the world just that nasty, and there are just as many opportunistic 'men' waiting in the soup line to take advantage of them.

It's when they start getting late bill notices, eviction letters, and dining on corn flakes with water that they start regretting doing the 'good guy' wrong behind his back. If she straightens up at all it will be the reality of that scenario that scares her into it, and that's still an insincere reason to be with that poor, lied-to man.
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Old 02-23-2016, 10:10 AM
 
2,362 posts, read 1,911,882 times
Reputation: 4719
Quote:
Originally Posted by CowGrrl View Post
I have been with my fiance for about 4 years, we live together and am recently engaged to him. I am in my mid 30's, divorced with a teenage daughter. I got pregnant young and married the father before she was born. That didnt last but a year and a half. In and out of LTR's since then but nothing has stuck. Until I met my fiance about 4 years ago. I fell for him real hard. He is a good man, a few years older than me. Good stable job, life in order, gets along with my daughter. Also good in bed, treats me so well. I never lack for sex or emotional support from him.

Recently I got a facebook friend request from an old boyfriend who I was dating when I got pregnant. To back up, I was dating two guys at the same time but they did not know about each other. I was pretty sure he was not the father because he had been out of town for work a couple weeks before I discovered I was pregnant. He is an african american guy and I am white, when my daughter was born, I knew it was not his too.

Anyway, after I divorced my ex, we got back together briefly, I fell for him real hard as well. He was the best sex I have ever had, very endowed too, and stamina for days. His job however made him move out of state halfway across the country and I could not follow him. We kept in touch over the years, reuniting for a few quickies if our paths crossed. Then he got married, and I did not hear from him for several years.

Anyway, about 6 months after I started dating my fiance, I facebook friend request from him out of the blue. We caught up a little, and I found out he lives not far from me. When he found out, he wanted to meet up to catch up. I wanted to, but was kind of uncomfortable with it because I had suspicions that I might fall for him again. Especially when I learned his marriage was on the rocks. I thought he might have been looking for a back up plan. I broke off contact and unfriended him on facebook.

Flash forward about 3 years. He sends me a Facebook message and friend request saying he has to talk to me. He tells me his divorce was just finalized and he wanted to catch up with me. I told him I was engaged and in love with my man. He wouldnt take no for an answer, so I just chatted with him. Initially just catching up, but within a week, it escalated to him hitting on me, telling me his feelings. Telling me the things he missed doing to me, that he wanted to do to me again. This caught me completely off guard and I was getting turned on by our chat sessions. This went on for a month or so, and he started insisting to see me in person. My fiance would probably question this, as he should. He knows nothing about this guy or what I have been doing. To satisfy him, I sent him some pics of myself. Just head shots initially. He sent pictures of himself. NAKED. ERECT. I was turned on even more by this, so I sent him a pic of myself in a bra. The longer this went on, eventually I had sent him several fully nude pictures of myself...
?
Thats ALL I had to read...


Do your fiancé a favor and dump him, he deserves better
your ex boyfriend will eventually tire of a quick and easy lay, like he did last time, and you will have time to reflect on the bad decisions you make and hopefully not make them again
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