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I have been with my fiance for about 4 years, we live together and am recently engaged to him. I am in my mid 30's, divorced with a teenage daughter. I got pregnant young and married the father before she was born. That didnt last but a year and a half. In and out of LTR's since then but nothing has stuck. Until I met my fiance about 4 years ago. I fell for him real hard. He is a good man, a few years older than me. Good stable job, life in order, gets along with my daughter. Also good in bed, treats me so well. I never lack for sex or emotional support from him.
Recently I got a facebook friend request from an old boyfriend who I was dating when I got pregnant. To back up, I was dating two guys at the same time but they did not know about each other. I was pretty sure he was not the father because he had been out of town for work a couple weeks before I discovered I was pregnant. He is an african american guy and I am white, when my daughter was born, I knew it was not his too.
Anyway, after I divorced my ex, we got back together briefly, I fell for him real hard as well. He was the best sex I have ever had, very endowed too, and stamina for days. His job however made him move out of state halfway across the country and I could not follow him. We kept in touch over the years, reuniting for a few quickies if our paths crossed. Then he got married, and I did not hear from him for several years.
Anyway, about 6 months after I started dating my fiance, I facebook friend request from him out of the blue. We caught up a little, and I found out he lives not far from me. When he found out, he wanted to meet up to catch up. I wanted to, but was kind of uncomfortable with it because I had suspicions that I might fall for him again. Especially when I learned his marriage was on the rocks. I thought he might have been looking for a back up plan. I broke off contact and unfriended him on facebook.
Flash forward about 3 years. He sends me a Facebook message and friend request saying he has to talk to me. He tells me his divorce was just finalized and he wanted to catch up with me. I told him I was engaged and in love with my man. He wouldnt take no for an answer, so I just chatted with him. Initially just catching up, but within a week, it escalated to him hitting on me, telling me his feelings. Telling me the things he missed doing to me, that he wanted to do to me again. This caught me completely off guard and I was getting turned on by our chat sessions. This went on for a month or so, and he started insisting to see me in person. My fiance would probably question this, as he should. He knows nothing about this guy or what I have been doing. To satisfy him, I sent him some pics of myself. Just head shots initially. He sent pictures of himself. NAKED. ERECT. I was turned on even more by this, so I sent him a pic of myself in a bra. The longer this went on, eventually I had sent him several fully nude pictures of myself.
In January, my fiance was going to be out of town for a week. I knew I would have an opportunity to meet up with him without any questioning. My daughter had been asking to stay over at a friends house for a while, so I arranged for it to happen one night while my fiance was gone.
We met up at an Applebees approximately halfway between his house and mine. We sat next to each other and he couldn't keep his hands off of me. I was getting so turned on. I had to have him that night. After a couple drinks and dinner, there was no way I could say no. He came back to my house and we had some absolutely amazing sex. It felt so good, he professed his love to me, saying he should have never let me go back then, that he was so upset when my daughter was born and it wasnt his, but still loved me all this time.
I told him he could not stay the night, so he left, asking when we could get together again. I told him enthusiastically SOON!
After he left, I cleaned up and was laying in bed and guilt and regret washed over me.
I love my fiance. He is everything I have looked for in my life as a partner, however I still have feelings for this other man. It's tearing me apart.
It's been about a month since this happened. I continue to chat with him, it makes me feel good for a few minutes, but again with the guilt. My fiance has no clue what happened or what is going on. The ex-boyfriend has been pushing to get together again, but I have been putting him off. He seems impatient at times. Insulting my fiance, even though he does not know him.
I think I have to break it off completely with the ex-boyfriend, but part of me does not want to.
Part of me wants to keep him around just to talk dirty to me on chat, I feel that if I just do that, it's not being unfaithful to my fiance / husband to be. But at the same time, I know my fiance, if he found out, he would consider such things cheating.
Get off Facebook and only deal with the people in "real life" make the people who influence you in this way have to actually "work" to find you.
Lastly...now that you are being honest with yourself, start being honest with others.
You're unfaithful no matter how you want to make this work in to your favor. The incidentals of why this other man is still around to influence you don't matter to the bottom line.
Last edited by rego00123; 02-22-2016 at 03:18 PM..
I divorced my ex-husband because he was abusive and not good with money, most of the other men I was with over the years I was never truly in love with, or they did not truly love me. There were episodes of cheating on the other partners side, not mine.
For the first time in my life, I feel I have found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life, and that is my fiance. He's almost perfect. He could stand to lose a few pounds, but pretty much everyone closing in on 40 could say that. It does not affect our love life or sex life at all.
I just don't know what's wrong with me, why these feelings I have for someone I knew 15 years ago could cause me to throw away everything I have. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!
I divorced my ex-husband because he was abusive and not good with money, most of the other men I was with over the years I was never truly in love with, or they did not truly love me. There were episodes of cheating on the other partners side, not mine.
For the first time in my life, I feel I have found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life, and that is my fiance. He's almost perfect. He could stand to lose a few pounds, but pretty much everyone closing in on 40 could say that. It does not affect our love life or sex life at all.
I just don't know what's wrong with me, why these feelings I have for someone I knew 15 years ago could cause me to throw away everything I have. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!
OP:
Regarding the bolded part in pink...
That is something you need to find out without either guy in the picture.
Time to tell your fiance everything so he can decide whether or not to continue with the engagement.
Going by your behavior, you do not want to be engaged so why continue with the engagement after cheating on him?
If I told him, he would leave me.
I still want to be with my fiance.
I have always heard that people cheat because they are looking for a need to be filled, or are somehow wanting or lacking of something in their lifes.
I have been searching and I dont have any needs or wants, he gives me everything I need mentally and physically. But the old boyfriend does something for me, it's almost like he has a spell over me, because when we chat, I melt into a pool.
I have always heard that people cheat because they are looking for a need to be filled, or are somehow wanting or lacking of something in their lives.
I have been searching and I don't have any needs or wants, he gives me everything I need mentally and physically. But the old boyfriend does something for me, it's almost like he has a spell over me, because when we chat, I melt into a pool.
So you want to be with your fiance whom you cheated on.
If your fiance cheated on you, what would you do?
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