Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm not the type to let things bother me, I respect myself. I think this is hard because I really do still love him and care about him. I mean I know this may sound like bs, but he and I seemed to have had a great relationship. It lasted 3 years. He didn't change until he started talking more with this woman friend, then everything went to **** from there.
Well we did go no contact for the last 3 months, I had no interest in talking to him after what he did. I was very surprised to see he texted me yesterday. And throughout our conversation I couldn't tell whether he really did care or had some disturbing intention by wanting to be friends. I had to come for advice because I really just don't understand what's going on.
He's not the 'trolling' type so I don't think he's doing it just to be a dick, I think he's very confused or possibly some issues with the new gf. He falls in love very easily and is a very open person...which now I see isn't a good thing.
I would stop responding to him.
Then wait and see what happens next.
In the meantime just busy yourself with other activities.
The problems he is having he needs to deal with them without you in the picture.
I'm not the type to let things bother me, I respect myself. I think this is hard because I really do still love him and care about him. I mean I know this may sound like bs, but he and I seemed to have had a great relationship. It lasted 3 years. He didn't change until he started talking more with this woman friend, then everything went to **** from there.
It's not her.
There will always be someone else out there for people like him. You want a life where you cannot trust your BF to have female friends? Want to worry when he is working late with female co-workers?
And guess what? Just like this time, it will be with no warning and when you think you are in a wonderful relationship. Except maybe that time you will have kids.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Talk about wanting to eat your cake and have things go your way as well. The guy is an idiot. I can almost guarantee you that he would have been devastated and very offended if the shoe were on the other foot. Add him to your blocked number list and don't even entertain the idea of a friendship with him.
He's looking for a side dish after declaring his appetite for the main course.
There's possibly 'trouble in paradise' with his new gf, ergo, the text message.
Exactly what I was thinking.
OP... do you want to put yourself through this all over again? If you agree to be his friend, it will be painful for you.
If you get back with him, he WILL do this again. No doubt. He did it to you once & if he gets back with you, he will keep doing it. It doesn't matter if he is or seems sorry or realizes his mistake. You are no longer concerned with what his actions did to him... Your concern is your future. And it's only going to be good if he's not in it. Trust me. I've been there. Run from this guy.
@snugglegirl05 He did not ever tell me he was unhappy, or I would have tried to fix it. I thought everything was ok. I'm being completely honest when I say he gave me about 5 different reasons for our break up. (and changed his mind about some/took it back).
I know he may sound like a jerk or whatever, but he was honestly a great boyfriend. He is obviously confused, but I don't feel as if that's an excuse to do what he did. I cannot sit back and watch him be with the woman he left me for...but he turns around and says something like "Well if you don't want to be friends I can't force you just know I care about you" just weird things, almost as if he is trying to manipulate me into feeling bad over not wanting a friendship.
Ummm, no.
As great boyfriend is someone who doesn't cheat on his gf. Period, end of discussion. He can be the best lover in the world, he can shower you with gifts and romantic gestures, but if he can't keep it zipped, he's not a great boyfriend.
I get it that you're sad, and still healing, and he now comes back with this and leave you wondering. Take it from a middle aged woman who's been in her
Fair share of crappy relationships. This guy is playing you. He's hedging has some guesses and my guess is that the happy couple probably had some collosal fight and he called you.
Thank you to everyone for your advice, it helped me a lot. I really do appreciate it. Sorry if I sound nutty or dumb...but this has all really messed with my head, badly.
It was so hard to not reply to his text message, because I wanted to remind him of every little thing he did that hurt him. I wanted to get it through his head that he hurt me. I wanted to 'defend' myself, for lack of a better word.
I know what he did was wrong, but in some twisted way he tries to convince me he did the 'right' thing. He swears up and down he did not leave me for her...I'm serious. He says he did not plan to get with her when he ended things with me...but he started dating her a week later. He says he's sorry and cries over me and feels guilty...so he feels guilty that's why he jumped into a relationship with her? Man I really just don't get it.
The way he words things, and expresses himself, is very convincing. The sad part is I still believe some of the things he tells me. I know I sound dumb because of this, but I just don't know what to believe and not to believe.
I was with my boyfriend for 3 years, and our relationship ended about 3 months ago.
The reason our relationship ended is well...he started becoming more 'close' with another woman who was a mutual friend of ours. Within about a month of this, he ultimately ended our relationship in order to be with her. I knew about their friendship and had no issues with it, but I did not know they were falling in love. They started their relationship only a week after we broke up.
I was so crushed, and felt so betrayed by both of them. My boyfriend gave me multiple excuses as to why he did not want to be with me, and the whole situation was very heart wrenching, and very confusing. It all happened so fast I didn't really understand anything, so I just let them go live their new life together and that was that. I was of course very mad and hurt, but did not speak to them ever again.
I have been trying to heal and work on myself, but it's been hard. This has all been very overwhelming to say the least.
Last night, I received a text message from my ex boyfriend, (again, this is 3 months after our breakup). my heart sank. He just simply said "hey was wondering how you're doing hope you're ok.."
We got to talking a little (the conversation was obviously negative and a little bickering back and forth about what happened between us, but nothing crazy)
The point of this conversation he started is he wants me to continue to be in his life and still have a friendship.
He told me he still misses me and cries sometimes over me, that he never meant to hurt me but just loved this other woman more than me, but that he still cares a lot about me and always will, etc.
I was shocked that he expected me to be his friend again after everything that happened...Mind you, I feel that he cheated on me with the woman he left me for, because they started a deep emotional bond.
I told him as nice as I could, that basically I'm not interested in a friendship and that I can't understand how he could want me to be friends with the man whose in a relationship with the woman he left me for out of nowhere.
I mean come on now, I'm still in the process of healing and meanwhile he immediately got together with the woman he hurt me with, and is mad at me now because I don't want to be friends?
He left our relationship to be with her...he says he's in love with her but still loves me and I guess he just doesn't know what he wants. But I don't want to be apart of this drama honestly.
The sad part is I really do think he still cares about me. I probably sound crazy but this whole situation really confuses me and I'm so upset and just...lost. I don't get it.
Can you guys help me understand what's going on here? I really can't think straight.
Your ex-boyfriend is up to no good. He is a user. Do not respond to any more contact from him. Period.
You'd be setting yourself for years of misery.
He ultimately ended our relationship in order to be with her.
My boyfriend gave me multiple excuses as to why he did not want to be with me.
Last night, I received a text message from my ex boyfriend.
He just simply said "hey was wondering how you're doing hope you're ok.."
We got to talking a little
...he wants me to continue to be in his life and still have a friendship.
He told me he still misses me and cries sometimes over me, that he never meant to hurt me but just loved this other woman more than me, but that he still cares a lot about me and always will, etc.
...he says he's in love with her but still loves me and I guess he just doesn't know what he wants.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara442
...he turns around and says something like "Well if you don't want to be friends I can't force you just know I care about you" just weird things, almost as if he is trying to manipulate me into feeling bad over not wanting a friendship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara442
He hit me with all of this in about a 20 minute time frame, everything that happened in that month of their 'great and loving' bond they created with each other.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara442
Oh he's still texting me right now as we speak.
Just very briefly telling me he's sorry and "well if you hate me I understand" like why?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara442
I was very surprised to see he texted me yesterday.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara442
He swears up and down he did not leave me for her...I'm serious.
He says ...
He says ...
The sad part is I still believe some of the things he tells me. I know I sound dumb because of this...
Yes, that is the sad part.
Well, the saddest part is that you somehow are still "confused" about any of this, that you don't know to be incredibly pissed off at his behavior.
Or are you enjoying being in contact with him again?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
