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Don't dwell on him. Time will help to ease things. There isn't a magic bullet to fix this. Remind yourself that if he dumped you that you can tell yourself that he lost out on a good thing. This just very may well be true.
To be more specific, he actually loved me a lot. He was the one more obsessed with me at first. Before that we were just friends. I did find him cute, but I didn't have feelings for him. He made a "move" on me, started calling me, said he wants me, etc. So I gave him a go and I noticed that two months later I became so in love with him!
I feel like our relationship was a lie. All these kisses, huge compliments, intimate moments...were NOTHING. How could he forget all this? Where did I go wrong?
I hear that exes come back a lot of times (yeah, wishful thinking I guess). I am waiting for that day, even though, at the same time, I really do want to move on.
No. I wish it was. Because it's easier forgetting eulogistic and intimate text messages than physical contact (kissing, making love, etc).
Ohoh. You were friends, he wanted more, you took another look, you fell in love with him, and then he was emotionally gone? That's not a good sign. I think you should stay away from this man, and you should probably look at him without the rose colored glasses. Not all men, and perhaps not this man, but some men ...
Some men go after a woman but can't get anywhere, so they end up in the "friend" category. Sometimes it becomes a challenge to get the girl to change her mind. Sometimes women revisit the man's early infatuation, they take a chance, enter into a relationship, but for the man, it was just a challenge, a game, and winning the game means it's time to move on. This is not to say that your man is like that, but if that is the scenario, close the door behind you and don't look back. You were never friends.
This is what happens when you put a guy off but he keeps pursuing you. This is the kind of guy who likes a challenge and the chase. These kinds of guys will move on once they have you. That's why you don't want to play games and make a guy "work" to get you. A decent guys will move on, but the guys who want the challenge will keep working until they have you. And they will leave.
I started to yearn (and mourn) for him so much. I also see him in my dreams almost every night. It's like our love didn't take its course and was cut short unfairly.
What love? In what way did he express his "love" for you? By cheating on you? By dumping you for another woman?
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Originally Posted by Ethereal
Whilst I want him back so much (let's be real, I am still dizzily in love with him and depressed over him), I just want to know if there is a way to "erase" your ex? What kind of therapy would help with this?
If you want to get over him, stop misleading yourself. You are not in love. You are hopelessly infatuated/addicted.
This is what happens when you put a guy off but he keeps pursuing you. This is the kind of guy who likes a challenge and the chase. These kinds of guys will move on once they have you. That's why you don't want to play games and make a guy "work" to get you. A decent guys will move on, but the guys who want the challenge will keep working until they have you. And they will leave.
This is a good theory. Got me thinking.
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Originally Posted by IntentionsRGood
What love? In what way did he express his "love" for you? By cheating on you? By dumping you for another woman?
Okay, I have to clear something out and be honest. We're a gay couple. We're both men. He left me for another man. I left my gender ambiguous because of bias and stereotypes that people have on homosexuals (that we're promiscuous, cheaters, etc). So I didn't want to deal with that.
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If you want to get over him, stop misleading yourself. You are not in love. You are hopelessly infatuated/addicted.
As I said a couple of posts above, he was in love with me first. But our love for each other went the "other way round" - As in, at first, I wasn't that much into him, whilst he was deeply obsessed with me. Only later I become very much into him, whilst he got "colder". If anything, I was probably his "infatuation". I, like any normal person, gradually started to fall in love with him. This clearly wasn't infatuation, especially when I felt deep love.
The page you linked, whilst meaningful here and there, doesn't apply to every human on earth.
P.S. If you want, I was actually infatuated once with a guy that I never "met" - Well I knew him in my childhood, but then he moved away. I came across with him through FB pictures (family are mutual friends) and saw him all grown up. I had a huge crush on him. I used to be a bit "blue" over him (never depressed though) and would wish that we'd meet someday again. This little obsession went for like 2-3 years tops. And this is what I call "infatuation" - Usually happens with people you haven't met or seen face-to-face. NOT with those you slept with, shared intimate moments, etc.
The one thing I know, in my experience here and with friends who are gay, is that because they think that finding an acceptable gay partner is difficult, they often feel intense pressure to make coupling with a person who checks off those initial "pro" boxes into LOVE.
You can call that a stereotype if you want, but I have seen it multiple times.
That makes them over invest themselves into a person who may or may not be The One.
As I said a couple of posts above, he was in love with me first. But our love for each other went the "other way round" - As in, at first, I wasn't that much into him, whilst he was deeply obsessed with me. Only later I become very much into him, whilst he got "colder". If anything, I was probably his "infatuation". I, like any normal person, gradually started to fall in love with him. This clearly wasn't infatuation, especially when I felt deep love.
This is the 2nd time you used the words "obsessed" or "obsession" to describe love. They are not the same. If you understood the difference between love and infatuation, you would know that infatuation is based on intense emotions and feelings. Love grows from a foundation of responsibility and respect for each other. Nothing you wrote sounds like he was responsible or respectful to you.
Infatuation is a temporary crush. Love is mature, is free from hormonal fluctuations, and lasts a lifetime.
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