Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't think It was ever his intention to marry or have children with me. He seems pretty content being alone. That is the way it has been for years after the divorce. I feel so betrayed, but I'm not bitter and I believe that is what is allowing me to remain calm. I dealing with all of these demons in private, within my home. I understand that this was something he must have been processing for some time before telling me he wanted to breakup. He is past the place that I'm in. I'm not happy at all and it seems like it wil be forever before I feel happy again. Im feeling very discouraged about my future. I'm just in a dark place. I keep saying it has already been a week. I'm in denial. It's like I keep thinking I'll receive another text from him. This decision was well thought out. He knew he wasn't going to have a future with me. Somehow things spiraled and time just kept passing. If I hadn't pressed the issue, I'm sure the relationship would have carried on. I'm so worried about making mistakes, sometimes I wonder if I sabatoge things for myself. Should have just let everything breathe. Look at me??? I don't even recognize myself. Nothing is going to make this better. The only thing that will make me feel better is if I hear from him.
We recently moved into a furnished home. We decided to change the furniture in the children's rooms. The furniture that was originally there is being stored in my parents house. after the first few days after the breakup I remembered it was there. I find it hard to believe he hasn't remembered this by now. He hasn't asked me about it and I haven't brought it up. I'm just not ready to take care of that. I don't want him coming to the house. I figure when I'm a little more stable I will address it unless he does so beforehand. I don't think he will ask for it. He's such a stubborn and prideful person, he won't ask. He will wait until I say something. The day before the breakup, I stayed at my parents house just to let things cool down. He said he would contact me the next day, he didn't. I waited the entire day, no call or even text. I waited until the following day and I called him. He said I made a decision. Meet me at home so you can get your things. We need to break up. Before leaving that day we had that talk. He wasn't going to call me to tell me anything. He said..I was just going to wait until you came to get your things. As if he knew I was going to leave him. Either way, i wasn't surprised. He doesn't take initiative to deal with any matters. I have always been the one to fix it. He will sit in silence until I surface.
This time, I don't think he wants to hear from me at all and if he does, he won't say a word until I come forward which isn't going to happen. I so hurt. He hurt me. He abandoned me. I don't know what is going to happen to me. I know I control my future. I need to snap out of this soon. There is sadness all over my face today.
Suppose that the average age of menopause is 51. Is 40 that old? For some women, yes, it is risky for some women to deliver a baby at the age of 37; especially those who experience menopause close to 40. For women who experience menopause after 55, 40 is perfectly healthy for delivering a viable baby - in my humble opinion, and it's not all that bad to be over 55 and have a healthy young adult at home.
Intelligent men are not generally excluded from caring for, and teaching, young children because they are intelligent. That's not how it works. Even intelligent women can raise children.
Sorry, Lieneke - you know nothing about female physiology. the average menopause may be 51 but menopause is the point at which a woman has not had a period for ONE YEAR. And that is after several years of irregular periods and up and down hormones. And before that is several years of rapidly decreasing fertility. And of course rapidly rising risk of various birth defects. So yeah....women KNOW this stuff....guys only make guesses.
Either way my chances of having healthy children is rapidly decreasing as the years pass by. I will be 32 in a few months. I've got a few years left to find a good mate to have children and marry. I don't doubt that I can find someone. I'm educated, I come from a good family, I'm attractive and in shape (at least I think so). I give my heart to the wrong men. I don't know when I will learn. The problem is that I grew so attached to this man and his children. I'm in love with them. I need to face reality. He isn't coming back and I will never get that life back.
Corgifreak, I agree with everything that you have said. From start to finish, this is how I feel about him and the situation. I found the silent treatments to be very childish. I've always known him to be this way. He is very quick to write someone off. I observed him do this with family and friends. Little did I know, my turn would soon come. If I didn't voice my concerns and make issues of things that he felt were of no importance, our relationship would have been perfect. Those were his words. He has always said, we have no serious problems. This to me was a serious problem. The relationship was very unbalanced. I was giving myself to him and his children. My intuition always told me something wasn't right. When I finally said what my goals were, I realized he wasn't saying certain things to assure me that he wasn't leading me down the wrong path. Maybe he didn't have an answer for me at that time. Who knows. I never left it alone. I was impatient and it was starting to drive me crazy. So here I am, lost and broken. I don't care what the circumstances are, all I want is to have them back. I'm standing still...cold, tired, and alone until these emotions pass. I'm trying to move on with my life. That's all I can do. Maybe he is waiting for me to fix this, maybe he isn't. That really doesn't matter. I don't see this going anywhere because I can't contact him. I just can't. i don't know how to get myself out of this mess I got myself into. Time heals all wounds. I'm trying to put my faith in that.
The bolded part speaks volumes about the kind of relationship you really had, not the one you wished you had. Complete disrespect for you as a person. Let me guess - if you brought up something that was important to you but not to him, he would punish you by getting mad then giving you the silent treatment. Then you would run after him begging forgiveness. Then he would forgive you until you next had the nerve to voice your opinion or express you needs. Lather, rinse, repeat.
You do realize that this is emotional abuse? You have been in an abusive relationship and you should not go back, even if he calls and begs you to come back. Abusive relationships are hard to detach from because you have been mentally beat down so far you don't even recognize what's been done to you. You might want to consider doing some reading on this and getting some help to keep you strong. Once he feels he's punished you enough and/or decides he wants a housekeeper/nanny again, he may very well call and ask you to come back. Please don't go back with him. You will be setting yourself up for a life of misery.
The bolded part speaks volumes about the kind of relationship you really had, not the one you wished you had. Complete disrespect for you as a person. Let me guess - if you brought up something that was important to you but not to him, he would punish you by getting mad then giving you the silent treatment. Then you would run after him begging forgiveness. Then he would forgive you until you next had the nerve to voice your opinion or express you needs. Lather, rinse, repeat.
You do realize that this is emotional abuse? You have been in an abusive relationship and you should not go back, even if he calls and begs you to come back. Abusive relationships are hard to detach from because you have been mentally beat down so far you don't even recognize what's been done to you. You might want to consider doing some reading on this and getting some help to keep you strong. Once he feels he's punished you enough and/or decides he wants a housekeeper/nanny again, he may very well call and ask you to come back. Please don't go back with him. You will be setting yourself up for a life of misery.
I am very familiar with abusive relationships and I thought if I were to ever find myself in one, I thought I'd be able to recognize it. My prior relationship, I was with a man for 3 years who abused me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I know all too well what silent treatments are, so when my recent bf would give me the silent treatment, I realized it was a form of punishment and control. That is why I always had to go running back. I was always wrong, he wasn't. He is no where close to being abusive like what I had experienced before, but there are some traits that always struck me as odd. There are few things he did that struck me as manipulative. I don't think what I am experiencing right now is punishment or a silent treatment. I think he left me and he isn't willing to talk until I come forward. If I come forward, it must be under his terms. If there are even terms. He just had to put the constant bickering to a stop. He didn't see a future for us. I could be all wrong, but in basing this off of my prior experience with him. I highly doubt he will come back asking me to go home. He's never done that and I think he has too much pride to do so.
Do you really think I could be dealing with another abusive man? I have to admit that it crossed my mind because of some of the things he did. He just seems manipulative and emotionally void but I disregarded my thoughts because I thought I was just overreacting because of what I went through. Every man is not abusive. Things happened just as they did in my previous relationship. Happened so quickly. He said he was in love with me within weeks. It felt too good to be true. I just don't know...I don't know. I don't think so. My abusive ex was possessive andcwouldnt let me go a day without talking. This guy will let me walk away and won't say a word. He's not possessive at all.
I don't think my ex was abusive. Maybe I'm in denial...I don't know. My emotions and thoughts are not exactly normal right now. They haven't been since this happened a week ago. At the moment, I feel like I just want to talk to him. I want to hear if he is certain about his decision. I have no patience whatsoever. I don't care what I've heard or what the odds are, I just want them back. I miss them so much. I'm sure by tomorrow I'll be feeling another way. I tried to be angry. It doesn't last long. No emotion lasts long. It just keeps cycling over and over. I literally feel like I'm losing my mind. I wonder if I will ever hear from him again?
Right now, I'm not interested in thinking rationally. I'm tired of pressuring myself to move on. I don't know why this has to be so difficult for me? He has move on with his life? Everyone else is happy. I am sad. I'm depressed. I'm alone. I keep thinking about how I pressured this man so much that he didn't want to continue the relationship. Having children was completely off the table. How could anyone try to make a commitment if I wasn't showing any effort in moving forward and making things work? Just as I am complaining about his stubborness and his unwillingness to Chang rot understand, I wasn't doing this either. Relationships are a 2 way street. He was blaming me and I was blaming him. Maybe I was to blame. I can't help but feel I ruined things and now it's too late.
Im afraid that I'll continue to feel this way and as time goes by without a word from him, I'll be tempted to contact him. This feels like such a game to me. I still have feelings for him, why shouldn't I tell him? I know the answer to that question. I know he made this decision. He wants to be alone right now. He doesn't want to be in a relationship. Who am I to try to change his mind? I am not looking to be rejected and then I will have to live through heart ache and pain again. It's best that I am patient. It's best that I wait for healing. It's best I work on myself. If he wants to continue the relationship, I will hear from him again. Maybe I. A few weeks, I won't have the desire the hear from or speak to him. I need to remind myself this has to be his decision.
Sorry for the rant. I'm not in my right senses. Heartbreak is such a strange thing.
I don't think my ex was abusive. Maybe I'm in denial...I don't know. My emotions and thoughts are not exactly normal right now. They haven't been since this happened a week ago. At the moment, I feel like I just want to talk to him. I want to hear if he is certain about his decision. I have no patience whatsoever. I don't care what I've heard or what the odds are, I just want them back. I miss them so much. I'm sure by tomorrow I'll be feeling another way. I tried to be angry. It doesn't last long. No emotion lasts long. It just keeps cycling over and over. I literally feel like I'm losing my mind. I wonder if I will ever hear from him again?
Right now, I'm not interested in thinking rationally. I'm tired of pressuring myself to move on. I don't know why this has to be so difficult for me? He has move on with his life? Everyone else is happy. I am sad. I'm depressed. I'm alone. I keep thinking about how I pressured this man so much that he didn't want to continue the relationship. Having children was completely off the table. How could anyone try to make a commitment if I wasn't showing any effort in moving forward and making things work? Just as I am complaining about his stubborness and his unwillingness to Chang rot understand, I wasn't doing this either. Relationships are a 2 way street. He was blaming me and I was blaming him. Maybe I was to blame. I can't help but feel I ruined things and now it's too late.
Im afraid that I'll continue to feel this way and as time goes by without a word from him, I'll be tempted to contact him. This feels like such a game to me. I still have feelings for him, why shouldn't I tell him? I know the answer to that question. I know he made this decision. He wants to be alone right now. He doesn't want to be in a relationship. Who am I to try to change his mind? I am not looking to be rejected and then I will have to live through heart ache and pain again. It's best that I am patient. It's best that I wait for healing. It's best I work on myself. If he wants to continue the relationship, I will hear from him again. Maybe I. A few weeks, I won't have the desire the hear from or speak to him. I need to remind myself this has to be his decision.
Sorry for the rant. I'm not in my right senses. Heartbreak is such a strange thing.
I'm sorry you're in pain right now, but again, try to hang in there and give it time. Things will make themselves more clear when you get a little time distance, that will give you more clarity on the whole thing.
He was disrespectful of his children by introducing you into their life so soon into the relationship. They've already been through the trauma of divorce. Now he's just put them through another "divorce" after letting them bond with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ksol90
When I finally said what my goals were, I realized he wasn't saying certain things to assure me that he wasn't leading me down the wrong path.
Right now you need to find something to occupy your mind so you stop talking yourself back into thinking this relationship was healthy.
He probably felt the pressure was just too much, knowing that you do want kids.
People can and do change their minds all the time, but many don't want to admit the uncomfortable truth.
I do understand his concern, being new 40, then child at 10, he would be 50, and 60 when child is grown, For my standard that is too old for kids, then, this in MY standard, which is not universal.
I had four children, first one at age 21, out of college, and the last one was when I was age 29.
I do understand his concern, being new 40, then child at 10, he would be 50, and 60 when child is grown, For my standard that is too old for kids, then, this in MY standard, which is not universal.
I had four children, first one at age 21, out of college, and the last one was when I was age 29.
Something that the OP really needs to think about in the future is the age of the guy she dates and if he has kids already or not. Men, and women for that matter, when they're late 30's and have a couple of kids that are way past the baby/toddler stage don't really want to go through again, especially if they're pushing 40. This stuff gets harder on people as they get older in general. While I never had kids myself, I have tremendous respect for parents that put in the hard work to try and raise good kids and I can only begin to imagine the difficulty that must be at times. I'm not the smartest man in the room, but I'm smart enough to get that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So yeah....women KNOW this stuff....guys only make guesses.
