Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yep. Unrequited love seems great but all relationships lose their shine once the new wears off.
It's time to put some distance between yourself and the other couple. You can be friendly, but don't encourage more interaction. Tell your wife that you're concerned that your ex still has feelings for you and you want to focus on your marriage and family. Tell her she's your priority and that you want to strengthen your relationship. Keep that foremost in your conversations. Don't let her become jealous or insecure, especially since you're taking the initiative to nip the problem in the bud. It happens to the best of couples...
Take a short family vacation or enroll in a couple's retreat. That is a subtle signal to others that you're working on something and need privacy.
I'm sure your new friend, the husband, senses something's off. He'll appreciate your respecting their marriage, as well.
I'm not going to judge you nor will I label you for the decisions you've made so far. However, if I could offer up one piece of advice, I'd advise you to think of your children first. They need to be your highest priority regardless of how you feel about your wife or this other woman.
In reading through the threads, I saw no indication of any sort of abuse or malicious action taking place in your home. What I saw was a man making choices based on hormones and not logic. That doesn't make you an evil man. Just one with misplaced priorities.
Your children need to be raised in a loving, caring home by both parents. Your priority right now is to provide them with that caring, loving environment. Whatever feelings you have for your wife need to stay between you and your wife. Your kids need their dad AND their mom.
You may think you're in love with this other woman. However, she has not had children with you. What memories you and this other woman have created together pale in comparison the the road you've traveled with your wife. You need to be looking forward to being your kids' daily lives, cherishing the memories of their growing up. In the long run, those memories will mean more to you than this other woman.
Yep. Unrequited love seems great but all relationships lose their shine once the new wears off.
It's time to put some distance between yourself and the other couple. You can be friendly, but don't encourage more interaction. Tell your wife that you're concerned that your ex still has feelings for you and you want to focus on your marriage and family. Tell her she's your priority and that you want to strengthen your relationship. Keep that foremost in your conversations. Don't let her become jealous or insecure, especially since you're taking the initiative to nip the problem in the bud. It happens to the best of couples...
Take a short family vacation or enroll in a couple's retreat. That is a subtle signal to others that you're working on something and need privacy.
I'm sure your new friend, the husband, senses something's off. He'll appreciate your respecting their marriage, as well.
Your ex will be fine. Just remain aloof.
great advice here. over the weekend I focused all my attention on my wife. I took inventory of all the reasons I married her in the first place. I really have no complaints. I don't think I'm going to tell my wife at this point, but spending less time with the other couple is crucial. thanks for the advice.
I'm not going to judge you nor will I label you for the decisions you've made so far. However, if I could offer up one piece of advice, I'd advise you to think of your children first. They need to be your highest priority regardless of how you feel about your wife or this other woman.
In reading through the threads, I saw no indication of any sort of abuse or malicious action taking place in your home. What I saw was a man making choices based on hormones and not logic. That doesn't make you an evil man. Just one with misplaced priorities.
Your children need to be raised in a loving, caring home by both parents. Your priority right now is to provide them with that caring, loving environment. Whatever feelings you have for your wife need to stay between you and your wife. Your kids need their dad AND their mom.
You may think you're in love with this other woman. However, she has not had children with you. What memories you and this other woman have created together pale in comparison the the road you've traveled with your wife. You need to be looking forward to being your kids' daily lives, cherishing the memories of their growing up. In the long run, those memories will mean more to you than this other woman.
I couldn't agree more.. I've never been a forum person, but I knew I had to hear all this somehow or another. This has been really helpful to me in so many ways. I feel like keeping it bottled up only makes my decisions worse and worse while believing they're better and better. Crazy how that works. thanks
Ok on a serious note, you're married and you need to forget about your old flame. You owe it out of respect to your family and yourself.
You both have moved on and some things in life are just not meant to be. Don't go screwing around even if it's mutual, nothing good will happen from it and you won't be able to look at yourself in a mirror without shame.
It is tempting but leave the past where it belongs.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-11-2016 at 08:51 AM..
Reason: Not PG-13.
Like a lot of people here have said, you will probably find out sooner or later that the fantasy is much better than the reality. The girl you're having an affair with is "the one who got away." That is her allure. Your relationship was never "completed." Before I met my current boyfriend, he was in a relationship with someone he had known since high school. Just like you, they never really got together in high school, but she remained in his mind for years. When they met again 15 years later, he thought it was fate. It seemed like a fairy tale. Then after a one-and-a-half-year relationship, they broke up. He said that through the course of the relationship, he learned that the cool girl from high school was now a pothead who complained about everything, every day, to anybody who would listen. He also realized she was very self-centered and used people for her convenience. If you leave your wife and get together with this girl and embark on a real relationship with her - with all the realities of a real relationship, and not the movie-like drama of an affair - you'll probably learn things about her that will make you question why you gave up your marriage for a fantasy.
That said, I think you should tell your wife the truth, so she has the option to divorce you. She doesn't deserve the lies and the deception.
Given that you were a 21-year-old getting with a 15-year-old, I'd say maturity has never been your strong suit. Pair that with the strong whiff of narcissism in this post, and wow.... WINNING!
Honestly when we were younger I did not pursue her. I was around a lot because I was friends with the older brother. We got a long really well and she was attractive of course. Sure we flirted, but it wasn't like I was after her back then and trying to get in her pants. She got pretty aggressive in her pursuit and I caved in one night. Like I said before, I felt bad about the age thing, but she looked like and acted much older than her age. Everyone knows someone like that. 6 yrs is nothing once you're both past 18.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
