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Old 02-29-2016, 03:14 PM
 
24,526 posts, read 18,059,777 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IowaGirl144 View Post
I don't think so. I'm an engineer but I'm not very engineery. I'm just good at math. I am pretty frugal so it's not like I'm flashing my success around. My house is probably a little nicer than most peoples in my demographic but not considerably.
Most men won't admit it but they're very aware of where they fit on the socioeconomic scale. I'm a successful engineer-type. No problem with a long-term relationship with another engineer. I think I'd struggle with a 1%er investment banker or surgeon. I need to feel like I'm pulling my weight and that I'm an intellectual equal.

The good news is that engineer is smart & successful but there are still 5% to 10% of the population out there who are at least your peers though maybe not Iowa if that's where you are. If you live somewhere with lots of professionals like the Bay Area or Boston, the percentages are even higher. I was having this conversation with a woman surgeon recently who dates a friend of mine. There are a bunch of divorced women physicians out there who are having a tough time finding a next relationship because they intimidate most men.
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Old 02-29-2016, 03:18 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
2,089 posts, read 3,888,979 times
Reputation: 2695
Most men don't want to go home to the obsessively-driven, self-absorbed, "doesn't-care-about-anyone-else", attitude that goes with her success. Gesis, who needs it? I'll take a pretty, sweet, generous, endearing kindergarten teacher any day.
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Old 02-29-2016, 03:20 PM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,885,392 times
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As with the guys who have trouble with women, it's most likely you and not them, even though you probably don't want to admit that. It's either your personality, your looks, or the type of guy you are picking. It's not your career. Millions of successful women have relationships with men who are not threatened by their work.

Most guys will have no problem with a successful woman. They will have problems with a high-maintenance, full-of-herself woman who is not available for a caring, intimate relationship.

So, either there is something wrong with you, personally, or your "guy picker" is broken.
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Old 02-29-2016, 03:20 PM
 
24,834 posts, read 37,242,570 times
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My husband LOVES it when I call him in the end of the year and tell him I was looking at our taxes..........and he needs it go by a truck or, at least an expensive quad.
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Old 02-29-2016, 03:25 PM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,885,392 times
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Women who have trouble maintaining or establishing relationships usually have some kind of dysfunction that was occuring when they were growing up... usually some kind of bad role modeling from their parents in terms of modeling intimate relationships.
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Old 02-29-2016, 03:30 PM
 
5,051 posts, read 3,556,282 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IowaGirl144 View Post
I can’t help but think that it must be men’s insecurity as to why I am still single. I have had several short relationships where the guy has told me that I am exactly what they are looking for. Once things start to get serious they are out the door, sometimes I get a lame excuse most of the time I get silence. I am a smart successful woman who is above average looks-wise and many of my hobbies are male friendly (gym rat). I just don’t get it and I don’t know how to make it better in the future. I don’t like to talk about work away from work, so I highly doubt I’m rubbing my profession in anyone’s face. I have had long term relationships that have ended for numerous reasons. I have a large circle of friends. I just can’t find someone to love me. I always get 2nd and third dates. It’s around that 6th week that they just drop off.

This may be presumptuous but maybe since I am what a lot of guys are looking for they get scared and bail first? Like they don't want to deal with the disappointment of me eventually dumping them. The last one stated that there was no chemistry after a month of dates. I have a hard time believing that. There were some awkwardness but a lot of late nights lost in conversations, stolen kisses and just generally a lot of fun. Then randomly he called me to tell me that he doesn't want to see me again. I'm really just confused.
Since this is the Internet I can speculate without limit.

IMHO, your "success" is not the problem. Remember to take what guys say with a grain of salt - it really has no bearing on your actual attributes (or lack thereof). It sounds from your limited description and tone that it may be a catch-22 familiar to many guys - that is when you are desperate for a serious relationship it is kind of like being radioactive and no one wants to get too close.

How are you meeting guys ? Are they the ones approaching you ? If yes, try to make the first move yourself - perhaps on a guy(s) who are not your type at first blush. Also try to put yourself in a setting where you are having fun without any pressure to date - like some meetup, or runner's group or social outing , etc. That way the pressure is off. Also (I know this doesn't help) try to relax and not push things with anyone you meet - if you are goal driven sometimes you will try to push your dates through a series of milestones and no one like that. If it is there it will happen naturally.

Good luck.
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Old 02-29-2016, 03:31 PM
 
22,768 posts, read 30,640,276 times
Reputation: 14737
Quote:
Originally Posted by IowaGirl144 View Post
I can’t help but think that it must be men’s insecurity as to why I am still single. I have had several short relationships where the guy has told me that I am exactly what they are looking for. Once things start to get serious they are out the door, sometimes I get a lame excuse most of the time I get silence. I am a smart successful woman who is above average looks-wise and many of my hobbies are male friendly (gym rat). I just don’t get it and I don’t know how to make it better in the future. I don’t like to talk about work away from work, so I highly doubt I’m rubbing my profession in anyone’s face. I have had long term relationships that have ended for numerous reasons. I have a large circle of friends. I just can’t find someone to love me. I always get 2nd and third dates. It’s around that 6th week that they just drop off.

This may be presumptuous but maybe since I am what a lot of guys are looking for they get scared and bail first? Like they don't want to deal with the disappointment of me eventually dumping them. The last one stated that there was no chemistry after a month of dates. I have a hard time believing that. There were some awkwardness but a lot of late nights lost in conversations, stolen kisses and just generally a lot of fun. Then randomly he called me to tell me that he doesn't want to see me again. I'm really just confused.
Personally, when I meet a woman, her professional success is generally viewed as a positive. I don't think I've ever thought to myself, "This person is too successful for me."

But at the same time, I can't deny that the typical personality traits that lead women to success in the workplace are very unappealing in a relationship. Female lawyers are notorious for this.

At first you say "I can't believe they're single" but then after a few dates you say, "Yeah I can see why you're still single."
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Old 02-29-2016, 03:34 PM
 
Location: NNJ
15,048 posts, read 10,018,046 times
Reputation: 17196
These days, I think many men would love a successful independent women. In particular the younger generation.

What I think is unappealing is when a woman goes day by day like they have something to prove.
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Old 02-29-2016, 03:42 PM
 
1,881 posts, read 1,477,440 times
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Are some men intimidated by Harvard med, brain surgeon, or Yale law, made partner at 30, easily making a mill a year? Yes, some men are.

An engineer? No. It's not your career. It's something else.
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Old 02-29-2016, 03:43 PM
 
785 posts, read 950,031 times
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Some women price themselves out of the dating market because they cannot find anyone comparable in a male. I think this happens more with women as men will settle in the success department.

I could see your success intimidating men and that's unfortunate. You shouldn't bother with those men either. It doesn't seem you have unrealistic standards either in a man. Luck of the draw.
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