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Want to know something crazy too, something I beat myself over now.. before this girl mailed me last April and we got talking, I use to speak to another girl, I knew her personally for years really really nice girl, big heart, quiet type. She liked me, I liked her, we dated a few times and things kinda stopped but she would text every odd day chit chat.
When this girl came along, I was attracted to her right off, from years ago I always thought she was cute and smart etc .. so I went along with that. The other girl stopped texting once I had a gf. Think she was angry with me I did not try harder with her. Now I look back at it, seemed I had two options and I obviously chose the wrong one!
Got back speaking to that girl, told her what happened and she was sorry to hear it but she also said she met a guy herself and seems happy.. life eh! Happy for her though she is a good woman.
youre dealing with two major things here
1: feelings
2: reality
These two things are not nessarily indicative or exclusive of the other, you only know what she wants you to know and can guess at based on her actions towards you.
I would also add that you shouldn't buy in to damaged goods unless you intend to be the glue that holds it together.
True words buddy. I tried to be the glue.. some people just want a different type of glue it seems.
When this girl came along, I was attracted to her right off, from years ago I always thought she was cute and smart etc .. so I went along with that. The other girl stopped texting once I had a gf. Think she was angry with me I did not try harder with her. Now I look back at it, seemed I had two options and I obviously chose the wrong one! .
You picked the drama one, not the stable one. You can learn from that. Something in you is drawn to drama, or you have a savior complex that works against your best interests. OTOH, you said things fizzled with the stable one. Did she call it off? It sounds like you tried to make a go of it, but it didn't gel. Don't beat yourself up too much, but learn from the overall pattern here.
The other girl stopped texting once I had a gf. Think she was angry with me I did not try harder with her. Now I look back at it, seemed I had two options and I obviously chose the wrong one!
Or maybe she stopped texting you because she really is a quality woman and wasn't mad at all, but just respectful of your new relationship.
The fact that you would conclude that she was angry kind of shows your proclivity to gravitate towards women who have issues.
Want to know something crazy too, something I beat myself over now.. before this girl mailed me last April and we got talking, I use to speak to another girl, I knew her personally for years really really nice girl, big heart, quiet type. She liked me, I liked her, we dated a few times and things kinda stopped
But you weren't that attracted to her because she wasn't someone you had to come in and fix.
You also spoke of how you want to help people and understand where they are coming from. I would assume to try to be understanding and thoughtful and give everyone the benefit of the doubt and not judge based in surface detials.
While this is a respectable trait it comes with its fair share of issues...especially when looking for love or in dating another.
Being understanding of people and their plights is fine and dandy, but understanding what is right "for you" in a dating scenero is a whole different set of logic.
You're not just looking to help in these situations or take pity, you are looking to become part of that world.
This is something you have to stop and remind yourself if you are someone who is easily lured in by those who seem to be in need of helping hands or down on their luck.
It was a strange one, the stable one was perfect, I mean she was good looking, funny and smart. No drama. Just normal, we got on great, I had stuff going on in my life so was not a right time, but we did like each other.
Then the other girl just sort of appeared randomly one day and that was it, I was swept away in another direction. Maybe it was trying to be the hero, if I fix this girl it will be great etc .. its an interesting thing to learn about yourself too. My intentions are good and they were for this girl and anyone, I try to help, I listen to problems, its always been my way, too soft maybe yes, I do know this, I have a good group friends and they tell me the same thing, start worrying about yourself sometimes and work out what is best for you.
What is strange is, between both women I would want in my mind the stable one, the normal girl no drama etc, but I was more attracted to the other girl for some reason, psychical maybe? hindsight is wonderful but I don't want drama which makes it stranger, I don't get a kick out of it.
You picked the drama one, not the stable one. You can learn from that. Something in you is drawn to drama, or you have a savior complex that works against your best interests. OTOH, you said things fizzled with the stable one. Did she call it off? It sounds like you tried to make a go of it, but it didn't gel. Don't beat yourself up too much, but learn from the overall pattern here.
Without a doubt a lot to learn and I am rusty, I knew it would be hard and it proved to be. I have to take some responsibility too and I have, but I never once hurt the girl, I assumed I was doing right, but I know she needed more or wanted more, not a lot I can do about that either.
I will gain experience from it for sure and have learned a big lesson. She is not evil or some twisted monster, its why I never wish bad on her, she is doing right by her, which we all have to do, and hope that it works out.
You also spoke of how you want to help people and understand where they are coming from. I would assume to try to be understanding and thoughtful and give everyone the benefit of the doubt and not judge based in surface detials.
While this is a respectable trait it comes with its fair share of issues...especially when looking for love or in dating another.
Being understanding of people and their plights is fine and dandy, but understanding what is right "for you" in a dating scenero is a whole different set of logic.
You're not just looking to help in these situations or take pity, you are looking to become part of that world.
This is something you have to stop and remind yourself if you are someone who is easily lured in by those who seem to be in need of helping hands or down on their luck.
Well said. I would add that a romantic partnership is not and should not be a charity project or a psychotherapy internship. On the one hand, everyone has their ups and downs, and it's important to be able to offer support when the occasion arises. OTOH, the occasion should be arising chronically. If that's the case, someone isn't relationship material. They need to work on themselves to resolve their issues before they can be successful at initiating and sustaining a relationship.
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