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I don't understand why people are still having this discussion. I believe it's bad manner for a woman not to ask, even when you know he's rich. Even if your deal breaker is having to go dutch on a date, offer to pay then see how it goes.
And I'm not sure how you missed that pretty much every woman here who commented on this aspect specifically said we DO offer to pay (income wasn't a factor in that) AND that if we do the asking we fully expect to pay AND that once the initial formalities are over we generally wind up switching off on the paying anyway as the relationship progresses, generally with exceptions entailing the man literally insisting, following a discussion on the matter.
Missed all that, did you? You could always try reading the thread, it will clear all this confusion up.
You can always tell generalized anger and resentment by just a few words, can't you?
Lose the hysteria, dude, nobody's screaming anything. Well, except you. There's no way this shrieky attitude is attractive to anybody.
Besides, women being equal under the law doesn't necessarily track with what people want in their dating lives. Like, many people would think it's sexy if a guy picks a woman up and carries her into the bedroom. It's less sexy if a woman picks up a guy and carries him into the bedroom. Yeah, it's not equal, but them's the breaks.
And I'm not sure how you missed that pretty much every woman here who commented on this aspect specifically said we DO offer to pay (income wasn't a factor in that) AND that if we do the asking we fully expect to pay AND that once the initial formalities are over we generally wind up switching off on the paying anyway as the relationship progresses, generally with exceptions entailing the man literally insisting, following a discussion on the matter.
Well most women also commented that if their generous offer to pay is accepted, this would be the last time they see the guy. And how many women do that asking in the first few dates? Based even on various comments on this board, very few.
So it seems that you have also missed quite a bit here.
Well most women also commented that if their generous offer to pay is accepted, this would be the last time they see the guy.
Yes, I did miss this. You are absolutely correct.
Would you mind pointing out one or two of these to me? Where the woman said she offered to pay for a meal, he agreed, and due to that, she refused to ever see him again?
Then don't pick an expensive restaurant that charges $50 for a piece of steak... Any mid tier restaurant like Olive Garden, Carrabas, Cheesecake Factory (probably the more expensive option here), would be a good choice. Come on, big city or not, I'm sure there's a chain resturant of that kind located somewhere. You shouldn't be going on some fancy dinner as a first date anyway. If the girl whines about the various cheaper options and pushes for a more expensive restaurant, well she's probably not worth your time anyway. But trust me, we don't take 2 hrs to get ready just for a free meal at your local Olive Garden. Hell, just go to TGI Fridays for your dates. They have Happy Hour Sun-Thurs. $5 apps and $3 drinks. If the girl has any common sense, she'll know not to order anything super expensive at any of those restaurants.
I think these chain restaurants are more acceptable in US suburbia. In Manhattan, these types of places are typically patronized by tourists who are afraid of more authentic restaurants.
Try inviting a professional and attractive young women in Manhattan or Boston to Applebee's or Olive Garden and that would be the last time you talk to her. At least from my experience...
Well most women also commented that if their generous offer to pay is accepted, this would be the last time they see the guy.
I can confirm that this is frequently the case.
Yes, women offer. Yes, they will generally pay a portion if the offer is accepted. No, you shouldn't really count on seeing them again after that.
Sure, there's a lot of variables that affect this...but I'm talking "bigger picture". One one hand, if a woman won't call you back because you made her pay a couple bucks for her own coffee, you're saving yourself a future headache. On the other, don't be the guy that drops a surprise $200 dinner on her and then makes her cough up half.
Can you confirm that that was the reason they never came back, Hive?
It was my understanding that the major complaint here is that the woman DOES take the "free meal" and then disappears. Doesn't "give back" for the financial investment in the meal and so on. Haven't pages now been taken up on avoiding the apparently very common (if comments here are to be believed) phenomenon of the man having "wasted money" and the woman jetting anyway? Hmm.
So I'm not sure the paying or not paying is necessarily the factor there, but rather that people flake. I mean we get about a thread a day around here on the general subject of flaking disappearing, blah blah.
But again, I agree that I missed the posts on this thread from women saying they would leave if they offered to pay and the man said yes, so hopefully I will be directed to those, as I am curious.
You can always tell generalized anger and resentment by just a few words, can't you?
Lose the hysteria, dude, nobody's screaming anything. Well, except you. There's no way this shrieky attitude is attractive to anybody.
Fact is a fact and your issue if you can't handle it. Who said truth was always attractive. Who said I was screaming? You don't even know so you assumed? outstanding
People can do what they want and find someone likeminded. Myself though, I gave one of these cheapos a chance and actually engaged in a relationship with a guy who made me pay the tip on a $25 bill on our first date. He turned out to be crazy, have incredibly bad social integration skills to the point I suspected undiagnosed Aspergers, so cheap and petty that he once refused to lend me a subway token and lectured me on "not being prepared" by having had one already, and eventually he turned violent.
So I would say that a guy who refuses to pay on the first few dates is an immediate dealbreaker. If I had listened to my friends who said they would never date a guy who couldn't even get that right I could have avoided 2 years of misery.
Even if I offer, the guy should have enough sense to refuse, dingbat (or perhaps the dingbat is me for not getting that guys who don't pay the full bill on a first date are weirdos!)
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