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Can you confirm that that was the reason they never came back, Hive?
Absolutely not. Could've been any number of things (like my "charming personality"!), of course. I'm talking the most general of generalities. I go on a lot of dates, and can say that there's a correlation. That's it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
It was my understanding that the major complaint here is that the woman DOES take the "free meal" and then disappears. Doesn't "give back" for the financial investment in the meal and so on. Haven't pages now been taken up on avoiding the apparently very common (if comments here are to be believed) phenomenon of the man having "wasted money" and the woman jetting anyway? Hmm.
The complaint differs. Personally, I'm fine with "whoever asks, pays"...I'm all for simplicity. As far as complaints go, put me in the "women don't ask men out" camp...which is a different topic
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
But again, I agree that I missed the posts on this thread from women saying they would leave if they offered to pay and the man said yes, so hopefully I will be directed to those, as I am curious.
Here's one, the only one in this thread, I think. If you really care, I can find others, but I'd have to go hunting in other threads....don't know if you're being facetious about it or not.
Edit: Also realizing that the below poster probably didn't offer, so possibly disregard. I initially went looking in response to a post that said (paraphrasing) "most women offer to pay".
Quote:
Originally Posted by melovescookies
If a man asked me to pay for half on the first date there wouldn't be a second date.
Besides, women being equal under the law doesn't necessarily track with what people want in their dating lives. Like, many people would think it's sexy if a guy picks a woman up and carries her into the bedroom. It's less sexy if a woman picks up a guy and carries him into the bedroom. Yeah, it's not equal, but them's the breaks.
Exactly.
That I opt to be in a relationship with more stereotypical gender roles does not negate the fact that I believe that anyone, regardless of gender, has the right to choose what path is right for them.
IMNVHO, someone who comes out with a statement like "if you're so interested in equality, you should be paying your way" has a lot to learn about life in general.
People can do what they want and find someone likeminded. Myself though, I gave one of these cheapos a chance and actually engaged in a relationship with a guy who made me pay the tip on a $25 bill on our first date. He turned out to be crazy, have incredibly bad social integration skills to the point I suspected undiagnosed Aspergers, so cheap and petty that he once refused to lend me a subway token and lectured me on "not being prepared" by having had one already, and eventually he turned violent.
So I would say that a guy who refuses to pay on the first few dates is an immediate dealbreaker. If I had listened to my friends who said they would never date a guy who couldn't even get that right I could have avoided 2 years of misery.
Even if I offer, the guy should have enough sense to refuse, dingbat (or perhaps the dingbat is me for not getting that guys who don't pay the full bill on a first date are weirdos!)
If you offer pay for it. Don't offer and then get mad that the guy didn't refuse your offer. I would pay for the first few dates after that I'll assume the woman is using me and end the rapport.
If you offer pay for it. Don't offer and then get mad that the guy didn't refuse your offer. I would pay for the first few dates after that I'll assume the woman is using me and end the rapport.
Who said anything about getting mad? If the guy fails the most basic of normal interaction tests, I simply would not go out with him again. There's nothing to be mad about from my perspective. There are other fish.
There's no set answer to this. There's the "the guy always pays" camp, the "split everything evenly" camp, the "the affluent person pays most of the time" camp, and the "alternate who pays" camp. If I know I earn far more than the other person, I try to pick up the expensive tabs and let them pick up the inexpensive ones. Otherwise, I usually alternate rather than splitting checks. Everybody is different.
I agree with this. I think this should be more like a poll on which camp a person is in lol.
I don't think it's a mandatory, but everyone has their own standards. It's not to say one is better than the other, but these kind of questions do not have one answer.
I have guy friends who pays for my meal, just cuz (not all the time). To them, it's just the gentleman thing to do. I have a friend who pays for his friend's meals on the regular, so I expect him to pay for his dates also, just cuz.
Would you mind pointing out one or two of these to me? Where the woman said she offered to pay for a meal, he agreed, and due to that, she refused to ever see him again?
I think I'm the only one who said that. I explained it in my post.
No apologies. And you can see why after reading the comments from the pay-half men in this thread. This is how I weed those kind of guys out.
I really hope people aren't so focused on who is paying the meal that they aren't paying attention to the person they are supposedly attracted too.
I mean seriously, if a person is that about wasting money on the date then why are you even dating them? WHY? Most people who are dating someone they like aren't really worried about the bill at least I hope not.
To me that shows that you aren't really into the person, AT ALL. Which defeats the purpose of the date entirely. That's definitely the message the guy would send to me.
Absolutely not. Could've been any number of things (like my "charming personality"!), of course. I'm talking the most general of generalities. I go on a lot of dates, and can say that there's a correlation. That's it.
The complaint differs. Personally, I'm fine with "whoever asks, pays"...I'm all for simplicity. As far as complaints go, put me in the "women don't ask men out" camp...which is a different topic
Here's one, the only one in this thread, I think. If you really care, I can find others, but I'd have to go hunting in other threads....don't know if you're being facetious about it or not.
Edit: Also realizing that the below poster probably didn't offer, so possibly disregard. I initially went looking in response to a post that said (paraphrasing) "most women offer to pay".
Yes, it matters that you took the time to try to find examples, so thank you.
True, that there are different camps and it's all about finding someone who is in the same camp. I think the complaint is that most people fall into one major camp. The ones who are in the smaller camps have a harder time finding like-minded people to date, so they want to convince more people to join their camp.
Nothing wrong with that, I guess. People do switch camps. I sure did. When I was younger I used to date 50/50 style, and my love life sucked. So I decided to go the traditional route and I found happiness there.
I think I'm the only one who said that. I explained it in my post.
No apologies. And you can see why after reading the comments from the pay-half men in this thread. This is how I weed those kind of guys out.
Yes, what you're saying here is that it's the entire attitude (that you've encountered), not literally that you were forced to spend a few bucks. Not that the date was fine, you had a rapport, you enjoyed the person but ZOMG OUT OF NOWHERE YOU ASKED HIM IF YOU COULD PAY AND HE SAID YES and therefore...oh forget that otherwise great guy!
This makes sense and I agree with it. When the attitude overall is hostile, suspicious, frightened and resentful, well...yeah. Probably no second date but then again why would there be? LOL. Who the hell would honestly want a repeat of that?
And yes, guys, even when you're hiding it, we can sense that this is your attitude. I'm sure you can sense it if you feel it in us too. It is what it is. People who are automatically suspicious and resentful (in this case, of the opposite sex) never really manage to hide it no matter how hard they try. And we back away, which IMO is the smart thing to do.
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