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Who the said anything about sex?! I consider dating a serious investment of my limited resources of time and money. I'm looking for companionship. I get p$&@ed when a date goes nowhere like any other time I invest something dear to me only to have it not work out. I don't see why that makes me such a b$&tard.
Although you may have said nothing about sex personally, several posters here have and indeed have outright stated that if no sex occurs, the "dating" and "spending" are cut off, no questions asked...and Dissenter, you are not the only person here.
So yes. Several posters have indeed said something about sex. Quite a bit about sex, actually. Indeed that appears to often be the specific cutoff - whether sex has occurred and within what time frame.
HTH.
Now. As for "getting pizzed when a date goes nowhere," that is dating. That is the dating world. SHE is disappointed too. Not all dates work out. In fact MANY do not. That is life. If your "limited time and resources" can't account for that then I am very sorry but I don't know what to tell you. You not having enough "time" (what else were you doing with that time, BTW? Or I, or anyone else for that matter? On call for open heart surgery? Working for Greenpeace? Or realistically...sitting at home watching Netflix? Come on, Dissenter) or money isn't going to change human nature nor the fact that most people have to date A LOT of people, often into the dozens, in order to meet the "right" one...both men and women experience this.
When she is disappointed too, very disappointed, have you considered that you've "wasted" her time too? What about her valuable time, are you accountable for that? What do you have to say for yourself in that regard? Don't you owe her? She'll never get those several hours of her life back. Nor will she get back the prep time, the money she spent on a new outfit just to impress you, or her hopes and dreams that you'd be "the one". So. What do you owe her for entirely letting her down and wasting an entire night of her life? Just curious.
Paragraph #1: Yes. Correct. This goes both ways for both sexes as I stated in the post you've quoted part of.
Paragraph #2: No, the absence of a second date would reveal that she didn't enjoy the first date. You'll never know that she wouldn't have refused a second date even if you'd "paid for" the first date. Not all dates work out. That's life, and that's dating.
Paragraph 1: That's why that was the part I underlined!
I phrased it poorly, but the point of the reference I was making in paragraph 2 wasn't that "not paying = no date", but rather, you would discover that there wouldn't be a second date by nature of, well...there not being a second date . Or put another way, there's no need to worry about whether or not your actions would influence a second date once you discover that there isn't going to be one.
Edit: pretend I said, "Not that you'd need to sense it. If she was upset by it, you'd find out eventually anyway by the lack of a second date". It's just commentary on why a guy sensing that particular frustration is useless, because the outcome would be the same whether he sensed it or not (if it existed).
I can see your point. If I'm having an amazing time with this person and feel that I want to see them more, I'm not gonna mind paying. If the date sucks, having to pay her check just adds insult to injury in addition to just wanting to get the hell away from her.
I understand that probably sucks as well.
I said earlier that people can save themselves the trouble by getting to know the person BEFORE they date them, that way they can decide whether they want to ask the other person out. OLD let's you do that to a extent but it doesn't substitute an actual face to face conversation.
Which leads me to this question...Diss, do you view dating as a way to meet women or do you view dating as spending time with someone you know you already like?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
Although you may have said nothing about sex personally, several posters here have and indeed have outright stated that if no sex occurs, the "dating" and "spending" are cut off, no questions asked...and Dissenter, you are not the only person here.
So yes. Several posters have indeed said something about sex. Quite a bit about sex, actually. Indeed that appears to often be the specific cutoff - whether sex has occurred and within what time frame.
HTH.
Now. As for "getting pizzed when a date goes nowhere," that is dating. That is the dating world. SHE is disappointed too. Not all dates work out. In fact MANY do not. That is life. If your "limited time and resources" can't account for that then I am very sorry but I don't know what to tell you. You not having enough "time" (what else were you doing with that time, BTW? Or I, or anyone else for that matter? On call for open heart surgery? Working for Greenpeace? Or realistically...sitting at home watching Netflix? Come on, Dissenter) or money isn't going to change human nature nor the fact that most people have to date A LOT of people, often into the dozens, in order to meet the "right" one...both men and women experience this.
When she is disappointed too, very disappointed, have you considered that you've "wasted" her time too? What about her valuable time, are you accountable for that? What do you have to say for yourself in that regard? Don't you owe her? She'll never get those several hours of her life back. Nor will she get back the prep time, the money she spent on a new outfit just to impress you, or her hopes and dreams that you'd be "the one". So. What do you owe her for entirely letting her down and wasting an entire night of her life? Just curious.
Pfft. While she is disappointed, she got something TANGIBLE out of the little disappointment, so I suspect she won't give a . I'm not much to lose anyway.
I usually ask women to pay for their half of the meal if we are in the early stages of dating. I have only had one girl in the past throw a bit of a fit over that, but otherwise, they have gone along. So, ladies and gentlemen, what are your habits in the early pre-sex stages of dating someone?
No. The guy should be a gentleman and pay for the date unless she explicitly insists upon paying. Some of the cats here are a bit too cheap. Women pay crazy sums of cash just to prep themselves for dates...some of you guys have no idea. Suck it up and pay for the woman. Treat her well and you may actually get a second date.
Pfft. While she is disappointed, she got something TANGIBLE out of the little disappointment, so I suspect she won't give a . I'm not much to lose anyway.
She got $10 Endless Apps plus tip?
In exchange for the $60 she spent on the new outfit (super-budget shopping at Kohl's, soup to nuts), $35 for the blowout, and $15 for the nails plus if she's a parent, $50 for the babysitter, and so on?
To impress you? To make you think she's pretty? To make you like her? To make the date "work out"?
Not to mention the hours she spent on the phone with her friends excitedly asking what she should wear, what she should say, do they think you really like her...her hopes, her expectations...maybe this time..............
Oh for sure she got something.
Gypped!
"Something tangible"...a coffee (since you all are too cheap even to spring for a dinner)...I mean...my goodness. The comedy around here.
Oh well, keep smilin', Dissenter. I mean if it's working out for you...all good. As for that last part...I'm sorry, but it just doesn't seem genuine. But if that's how you really feel, maybe, until you get yourself together, you should hold off dating...just saying. Nothing wrong with stepping back and figuring things out. BUT in the meantime blaming women and accusing them of basically stealing free meals from you isn't really getting you anywhere...right? Maybe, just maybe it's time for a different attitude? Just a suggestion...for whatever it's worth.
And also I don't date just to have a good time. I'm goal oriented and I want to find a girlfriend. I could care less about having a good time if I just spent an hour and $20 on someone only to get the let's just be friends talk.
Maybe you can help me with this. Why do you want a girlfriend?
Admittedly, Im getting a little long in the tooth so out of touch with the new dating culture and expectations, who pays for a date seems to be quite the controversy. So back in the day a guy wanted a girlfriend because he wanted sex, companionship, a friend, to get married, have a partner to raise kids with, combine incomes and/or have a domestic goddess. Expectations were basically she be attractive, feminine, demur and pure of character, would take his name, defer to him, quit her job or go part-time to take care of the kids, cook, clean, etc. etc. he would be the breadwinner, make major decisions and basically take care of the family so she could devote more time to raising the kids and helping him reach his goals.
Dating was a way to find that person. He to see if she was suitable for above stated expectations and she to see if he was suitable to fulfill his role as provider. Along the way many men dated women who would not necessarily meet those expectations but would put out, a woman he could have a good time with just like the boys but with benefits. This woman was however not the one that would become his girlfriend and wife.
Now seems guys are hung up on dating but not wanting to fulfill that aspect of the expectation of provider. Seems feelings are women want to be equal so they need to pick up the tab, blah blah. So what about the rest of it. Are the expectations in dating and finding a girlfriend the same still or are men content with dropping those along with the counter expectation of you being a provider. Do guys no longer find the feminine, demur woman that will defer to her mate and be content having and rearing children, keeping a home and contributing to the income a positive aspect. Is it now just being able to match finances and provide a house, car, food, vacations, etc. Are men cool with a woman who puts her career over family, her job above yours, makes the major decisions, asks you to take her surname and would rather hire a nanny, housekeeper and cook to advance her earning potential and be an equal provider?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
She got $10 Endless Apps plus tip?
In exchange for the $60 she spent on the new outfit, $35 for the blowout, and $15 for the nails plus if she's a parent, $50 for the babysitter, and so on?
To impress you? To make you think she's pretty? To make you like her? To make the date "work out"?
Not to mention the hours she spent on the phone with her friends excitedly asking what she should wear, what she should say, do they think you really like her...her hopes, her expectations...maybe this time..............
Oh for sure she got something.
Gypped!
"Something tangible"...a coffee (since you all are too cheap even to spring for a dinner)...I mean...my goodness. The comedy around here.
Oh well, keep smilin', Dissenter. I mean if it's working out for you...all good.
Please, on the dates I've been on, it has been plainly obvious that the woman didn't put a lot of time or money into her appearance. Personally I wouldn't want to have a woman make a big deal out of a date with me. If she showered and her hair doesn't look like she stuck her finger into a socket, I'm straight.
Babysitter? You obviously don't know me. If you have kids, forget about dating me.
I spend money for prep for dates too. $20 to get my hair lined up. $15 to dry clean my clothes. Gas to get to the venue. And I have to pay for her to consume crap only to reject me? You just don't understand.
Please, on the dates I've been on, it has been plainly obvious that the woman didn't put a lot of time or money into her appearance. Personally I wouldn't want to have a woman make a big deal out of a date with me. If she showered and her hair doesn't look like she stuck her finger into a socket, I'm straight.
Babysitter? You obviously don't know me. If you have kids, forget about dating me.
I spend money for prep for dates too. $20 to get my hair lined up. $15 to dry clean my clothes. Gas to get to the venue. And I have to pay for her to consume crap only to reject me? You just don't understand.
Now seems guys are hung up on dating but not wanting to fulfill that aspect of the expectation of provider. Seems feelings are women want to be equal so they need to pick up the tab, blah blah. So what about the rest of it. Are the expectations in dating and finding a girlfriend the same still or are men content with dropping those along with the counter expectation of you being a provider. Do guys no longer find the feminine, demur woman that will defer to her mate and be content having and rearing children, keeping a home and contributing to the income a positive aspect.
I can't speak for other guys, but that sounds horrible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
Are men cool with a woman who puts her career over family, her job above yours, makes the major decisions, asks you to take her surname and would rather hire a nanny, housekeeper and cook to advance her earning potential and be an equal provider?
Just because one option doesn't appear preferable doesn't mean the opposite is required.
But to tone down your post a bit, I'd prefer a sharing of major decisions, am indifferent on surnames, and otherwise yes....all of that sounds great.
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said anything about sex?! I consider dating a serious investment of my limited resources of time and money. I'm looking for companionship. I get p$&@ed when a date goes nowhere like any other time I invest something dear to me only to have it not work out. I don't see why that makes me such a b$&tard.
Expectations were basically she be attractive, feminine, demur and pure of character, would take his name, defer to him, quit her job or go part-time to take care of the kids, cook, clean, etc. etc. he would be the breadwinner, make major decisions and basically take care of the family so she could devote more time to raising the kids and helping him reach his goals. 
