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Well, it kind of sounds to me like you are just wondering if this guy is a player, and just using you. And some of these guys who really are players, are some pretty good con-men as well. As a man, one thing I can tell you about this type of man is this: They are quite extroverted, and they do know how to talk a good line to the ladies. But while they are pretty good at making booty-calls, it seems to me that they can invent a lot of ways to NOT spend any money on their women. So, thats one clue. Is he generous with money related things you two do together, OR, does he always seem short on money, where you end up paying for the meal, or what-ever. There is no one single answer to this situation really. Men and women alike have to cull out a few turds, before they end up with the right person. But, who knows? You two may do well together. If not, then at least, you're putting yourself out there a little, and thats what it takes in the dating game. There are some pretty decent books on these subjects, and also, advice from your girlfriends will help too. Players tend to make a reputation for themselfs, and it doesn't hurt to ask around a little about people we meet. I hope this helps a little, and good luck to you!!
It doesn't sound like you two are in that serious of a relationship yet so judgments aside, I'd say be cautious with him. If he was really into you, it'd show over time, as all things do. As for whether or not he's in it just for the sex---that's hard to say, honey. Each guy is different. We haven't spent the time that you did with him and even if we have, it's hard to tell what people are holding back. Try to get to know him on less of a sexual level and more on a friend level and see if he opens up. Sometimes you hit the jackpot, sometimes you miss and get played. That's the risk of dating and sexual relationships.
I was in a situation very similar to your's when I first met my current boyfriend of 5 years. I'd only known him for 3 weeks before we had sex (oh lord, yes don't get me started--I was a horny little 17 year old -_- ) and if I could go back in time to talk to my 17 year old self, I'd take a bat to my own head and scream "WTF ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?!"...but I lucked out and my sweetie has stuck with me through thick and thin for the last 5 years. So no, its not always a bad ending and it can definitely turn out to be the fairytale you wish for. Just be cautious and get to know him as a human being first...only then can you decide if you are in it for the long run.
thank u all for the advice, lol, a majority of it is pretty much what i've been getting from myself and my other friends. This is just all new for me, and I'm not good with people, or emotions, so I appreciate an outside perspective.
It's probably not going to make me stop over analyzing things, but i might do it less often
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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Originally Posted by alteran
thank u all for the advice, lol, a majority of it is pretty much what i've been getting from myself and my other friends. This is just all new for me, and I'm not good with people, or emotions, so I appreciate an outside perspective.
It's probably not going to make me stop over analyzing things, but i might do it less often
As an over analyzer myself and a mother who remembers the emotions of my own college years; my advise to you...strive for the best, don't sell out by hoping to please. You'll look back at this time and wonder "What the heck was I thinking?! As long as you agree to sex with very little courtship, you'll get just that. So I would be more worried about keeping your head and emotions in check and less about his motives.
Seems to me like you were in an enviornment (sp?) where you should have had no need to post an ad on a dating site. There must have been many available young men who you could have got to know casually in your day to day activities that might have led to you having a special relationship with.
I guess I'm kinda old fashioned but I think these things come to a person in good time and you can miss seeing a diamond while you are looking for a rose.
Personaly, I don't see any need in dating sites. There is someone out there somewhere that you will meet and click with when you least expect it.
As far as if the guy is just interested in sex, that is not for me to say. Your instincts would be the better judge of that.
Yeah, I read that and was like, huh? I also just find it a little weird to talk about sex that happened a few weeks before, especially about it hurting or how much and how long. Maybe he is a little awkward when it comes to relationships too?
I think she is saying she was a virgin..... that is the only thing I can figure and it fit in with her awkwardness and the fact she kept her nose in a book.... or it means that it had been a long time since she has done anything .... it can hurt when it has been awhile
Other than the meeting online part, your relationship sounds pretty much like one (or more) everyone I knew in college had. This "hook up" interaction is extremely common and if it works for you then no problem. Since you do seem really emotionally involved, I would suggest you test the boundaries to see what he will do (vs what he says). Even though you say you don't want to go on a date, if he doesn't want to be seen with you in public now, then it will never become a real relationship later. If the relationship doesn't move anywhere beyond just "hooking up," then that's what you have, but if he wants to take you out then you could be going somewhere.
I think she is saying she was a virgin..... that is the only thing I can figure and it fit in with her awkwardness and the fact she kept her nose in a book.... or it means that it had been a long time since she has done anything .... it can hurt when it has been awhile
OK just to clarify, I am aware that for some women who are virgins, sex can be painful. I just thought it odd, that several weeks after, the guy was asking her details about it. I just found that odd.
To the OP, you know, just try to enjoy what ever you have going. Just make sure you have the confidence in yourself to walk away if you are not getting what you want and deserve. There are plenty of guys out there, and this is not the only one who will want to be with you.
OK just to clarify, I am aware that for some women who are virgins, sex can be painful. I just thought it odd, that several weeks after, the guy was asking her details about it. I just found that odd.
To the OP, you know, just try to enjoy what ever you have going. Just make sure you have the confidence in yourself to walk away if you are not getting what you want and deserve. There are plenty of guys out there, and this is not the only one who will want to be with you.
In the moment, yes the question would have been sweet. Weeks later, with "how long did it hurt"? Something is wrong.
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thank u all for the advice, lol, a majority of it is pretty much what i've been getting from myself and my other friends. This is just all new for me, and I'm not good with people, or emotions, so I appreciate an outside perspective.
