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Oh he definitely has some mental issues going on... But I home we were together it worked out way better that he did not have kids prior and he treated my daughter like his own. Now he does not even want his bio child, so we know mentally he ain't right. That is a given. I would not mind emulating that relationship just with a sane individual this time.
That's the point.
You shouldn't pick and choose based upon whether or not someone has kids (or whatever), but on how GOOD, trustworthy and responsible people are. Don't get me wrong, when I dated I had a list of requirements too, and couple got shot out the window with my husband, but that's because he made those things unimportant with other wonderful traits. People are complex, you need to pay attention to what they say and do.
I don't think you get that, or ever will.
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These conversations are so depressing it's not a wonder why people stay single.....no offense to the OP but, the more I hear this kind of thing the more depressing it seems the single mom/dad life has become.....if someone doesn't want to date someone else because of their kids, there should be NO criticism...it's a choice.
It goes both ways...if a man does not want to date a woman because of her all too common two kids from different fathers, I get it...it's HIS choice.....seems to me, the single parent (mom or dad) should be glad anyone wants to date them at all? Not like an honor but, it does have it's challenges....no judgment, just reality.
Part of the problem is that you're looking for a dad for your kids and there aren't a lot of men who are looking to become the dad your children don't or never had. A man may fall in love with you and over time grow to care for and maybe even love your children, but that process isn't instantaneous, nor what someone is primarily looking for when dating.
It can take years of knowing each other before a stepparent and stepchild can truly bond and you can't rush it, force it, make it occur at the same time as you're getting to know each other on a romantic level.
I really don't think it was just he kids. The first way she told the story was kids don't want to come to her house, Grand dad says he won't watch the kids, and BF doesn't want her and kids at his house.
I really let him have it last week. He said he can't come over because his kids did not want to come over. His dad was giving him grief for leaving his kids with the grandfather because they are disrespectful and don't listen. He and his dad live together in a tiny house. It is tight with 4 of them. Another 3 people there makes a difference. Plus add in an old man that is out of patience for kids. Yeah I don't fit at his house.
Part of the problem is that you're looking for a dad for your kids and there aren't a lot of men who are looking to become the dad your children don't or never had. A man may fall in love with you and over time grow to care for and maybe even love your children, but that process isn't instantaneous, nor what someone is primarily looking for when dating.
It can take years of knowing each other before a stepparent and stepchild can truly bond and you can't rush it, force it, make it occur at the same time as you're getting to know each other on a romantic level.
It literally took years with DH's kids. Don't get me wrong, always polite and friendly, but not close.
My husband wanted to me be more active in making it work, but I told him I wasn't going to push to be all buddy-buddy, more of an organic approach. All but one were teens.
His step daughter (from previous marriage) told him that's why she liked me, I never played that "I want to be your friend" falseness. My stance was, we may become friends, I don't know, we don't know each other. But we will nice to each other and make get togethers pleasant, because we all love your Dad.
The kids never dislike me as a person, but they were mad at DH for getting married again, because he said he wouldn't.
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It literally took years with DH's kids. Don't get me wrong, always polite and friendly, but not close.
My husband wanted to me be more active in making it work, but I told him I wasn't going to push to be all buddy-buddy, more of an organic approach. All but one were teens.
His step daughter (from previous marriage) told him that's why she liked me, I never played that "I want to be your friend" falseness. My stance was, we may become friends, I don't know, we don't know each other. But we will nice to each other and make get togethers pleasant, because we all love your Dad.
The kids never dislike me as a person, but they were mad at DH for getting married again, because he said he wouldn't.
Prior ex'a kids think the world of me, and I see and talk to them often. They very much wanted their dad to stay with me. Bonding and loving them was very easy. They are incredible kids.
Last boyfriends kids like me and I like them. They just want nothing to do with my kids. So they say. But don't know. I can say if I walked into their house with my kids, the hid. If I came alone, they came out of their rooms to see me.
Kids generally like me. The kids mothers generally like me. The bonding part is easy for me, but I also volunteer through a state program that works with kids. I am good with taking care of others peoples kids.
All kids involved have no recollection of their parents being together, and have no grandiose ideas about their parents reuniting, so maybe that makes the bonding different?
I would not be interested in dating a woman with children. Doesn't matter how hot she is children = deal breaker.
I was in the same boat, but then got swept off my feet by an amazing woman who happens to have a daughter. What can I say? The heart wants what it wants.
Fortunately, the daughter is a pre-teen and her father is very much involved in her life so there's no "raising" obligations that fall on me. And I get along with her, so it's all good.
I do know it complicates things long-term; for example if we want to live together at some point. Yeah, it's not the ideal situation...but the older you get, the more compromises you have to make, as everyone on the market in their late 30s/early 40s comes with some type of baggage.
Initially when I started dating I was looking for a man without kids. Everyone here said that was ridiculous and be open to dating single dads.
So I did...it has been disastrous. Well now I am still attached to the kids from the first man and have visitation, even though him and I broke up.
The second dad's kids disliked my kids, without even being able to give valid reasons, so it prevented us from moving forward.
I shared the news of the latest breakup with three friends. None of them know one another and it was three separate conversations. One is a teacher with a masters in early child hood development and psychology. She is married and her husband is the father of both her children. The other two were single moms, that found child free men that were happy to raise their kids but fine without having their own.
All three said that I need to be dating men with no kids, that are willing to raise mine and don't want any of their own.
My friend with the degree in psychology says my kids really should not have to compete with bio kids for attention. This makes sense and I did see this as an issue. My children do not really have fathers in their lives. The bio kids always took precedence over my kids in my previous relationships as far as the men were concerned. Which is understandable. You love your own kids more.
Looking at other couples, it does appear that these situations work out more so than trying to blend 4 kids into a family. So I will be looking for that type of situation. Relationships are already hard without adding in the stress of making kids happy that have no connection. I am sure If my sons father had kids prior to him and I getting together, we would have never stayed together as long as we did. Although he is weird and thinks that he should parent whatever kids live with him only. He thinks that since he no longer lives with our son and I that he should not have to support or parent the child we have together. But he takes great care of his girlfriends, two kids. I am not sure mentally where he gets that idea from, but whatever.
What situations do you see working out best for single moms back in the dating world? Blending kids or just having a single man entering the established family?
Your best bet is a single guy who is old enough to have his kid or kids raised and doesn't mind raising another set. Someone of that age will most likely not want more kids of his own, thus solving the problem of him wanting to have kids with you. Your problem is going to be finding a guy who can't handle all the baby daddy drama in your life and all the problems you have with your exes.
I married a woman who had a two year old and a 5 year old, when my own daughter from my first marriage was already 22. Yes, new wife was twenty years younger than me, but the age difference didn't matter. It created no problems with my daughter as she loved having younger sisters. The new wife's kids looked at her like an older sister. I had no problems raising more kids as I felt they needed a good role model, as their father was a real piece of work. He had no problems with me raising them as he started his own "new" family and his kids felt like they weren't part of his life. I loved them as much as my own and it was one of the hardest things to get over when their mother and I divorced. The kids are still in my life and they still get along just fine with my daughter. The only one out of the picture is their mother. Of course, the ex-wife hates it the kids still care about and talk to me like nothing happened.
Your BIGGEST problem is going to be meeting someone OUTSIDE your small little town. I have only worked where you live and been in a local bar or two once or twice so I really can't judge the people in the area, but as you have said, they all seem to know each other. It was a novelty for them to come talk to me while I drank my beer, because they immediately picked me out as a stranger and they all knew each other. Not a good situation when everyone knows everybody, as that means they all know each others business.
You have at least taken a step in the right direction by ending it with the go-nowhere guy. No you need to lay low a while and not get hooked right back up with another loser. Take some time for yourself and see what happens. I have found that if you are not looking is when you sometimes meet someone without trying.
Wonder what bar you were in? Lol when you coming down again?
But you are right. Most everyone knows each other. Add in the fact, I grew up here.
I am not really looking, unless someone happens to drop right in front of my face. My schedule is pretty tight anyway with daughters baseball practice and games for the forseeable future.
Wargo's and Firehouse. Just came back thru there from Waldorf yesterday. Work down there frequently.
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