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When I ask girls how to get a girlfriend they always say be yourself. But whenever I am myself they don't seem impressed. But I still haven't given up hope. I truly believe that women give the best dating advice which is why I would like some advice please.
Women have given me the very best advice over the years mate so you are not wrong there
I agree infact with regard to being yourself, simply because if you lie and do something false ( or pretend to like something you don't to get in a girls good books etc ) it will only cause trouble down the line mate .
Keep trying and one will appear and I wouldn't be at all surprised if she found you! LOL. The plus to take from this is that you are at least trying with the ladies a lot would shut up shop and then start blaming the world for their misfortune ( a few CD members are a classic example ).
Mr. Tallywacker? That's problem number one right there. Grow up.
That was my first thought as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
Be yourself? What if you're shy, antisocial /fearful of rejection?
Then you should be someone else. Preferably someone really hot, rich, funny, and talented.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30
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I agree infact with regard to being yourself, simply because if you lie and do something false ( or pretend to like something you don't to get in a girls good books etc ) it will only cause trouble down the line mate .
I think the confusion around "being yourself" is that people interpret it as "don't change anything." And that's not really what it means. It means that you should stay true to who you are in terms of what you want out of life, your hobbies, what makes you happy, what you want out of a relationship, etc. It doesn't mean that you should continue to shower once a week, continue being rude to people for no reason, continue only eating fast food and being overweight, continue dressing like a slob, etc. I mean, if you absolutely feel that those things are your true self and you aren't willing to change anything - then I guess you've made your decision. But those things aren't usually your true self - those are things that people get used to and find it hard to snap out of. Most people can improve on themselves - whether it be appearances, confidence, some parts of their personality, etc. I used to be a bit of a know-it-all. When I was in middle school or high school, I realized that people were reacting negatively to me. So I did my best to stop being that way. I can also be very controlling. So I try to let go of things more than I necessarily feel comfortable with. Overall, it's made me a happier person. I can also get really insecure - so I try to remind myself of all the things I have going for me and of the insignificance of things like 10 pounds or an imperfect nose in the grand scheme of my life.
Personally, I'm attracted to confidence, intelligence without pretentiousness, and a shared sense of humor. I'm also really attracted to talent - however that might manifest itself. . That in addition to someone who isn't dirty, sloppy, or smelly!
Then you should be someone else. Preferably someone really hot, rich, funny, and talented.
I think the confusion around "being yourself" is that people interpret it as "don't change anything." And that's not really what it means. It means that you should stay true to who you are in terms of what you want out of life, your hobbies, what makes you happy, what you want out of a relationship, etc. It doesn't mean that you should continue to shower once a week, continue being rude to people for no reason, continue only eating fast food and being overweight, continue dressing like a slob, etc. I mean, if you absolutely feel that those things are your true self and you aren't willing to change anything - then I guess you've made your decision. But those things aren't usually your true self - those are things that people get used to and find it hard to snap out of. Most people can improve on themselves - whether it be appearances, confidence, some parts of their personality, etc. I used to be a bit of a know-it-all. When I was in middle school or high school, I realized that people were reacting negatively to me. So I did my best to stop being that way. I can also be very controlling. So I try to let go of things more than I necessarily feel comfortable with. Overall, it's made me a happier person. I can also get really insecure - so I try to remind myself of all the things I have going for me and of the insignificance of things like 10 pounds or an imperfect nose in the grand scheme of my life.
Personally, I'm attracted to confidence, intelligence without pretentiousness, and a shared sense of humor. I'm also really attracted to talent - however that might manifest itself. . That in addition to someone who isn't dirty, sloppy, or smelly!
Good post
Yes the bolded part is what I was referring to myself dew . A few people make the mistake you highlighted which is quite funny if honest ( ) but nevertheless it does happen.
also " just be yourself "........ I would encourage them to share their sense of humour more than anything as for me it's a great indication of ones true personality and as you say about sharing a sense of humour it would
help anyone no end into finding someone
Yes the bolded part is what I was referring to myself dew . A few people make the mistake you highlighted which is quite funny if honest ( ) but nevertheless it does happen.
also " just be yourself "........ I would encourage them to share their sense of humour more than anything as for me it's a great indication of ones true personality and as you say about sharing a sense of humour it would
help anyone no end into finding someone
I completely agree about the humor. My husband and I laugh together all the time. Making him laugh makes me so happy. And I purposely said "shared sense of humor" as opposed to just a sense of humor - because then you get all these guys saying that they make jokes all the time and still don't get dates. It's not just about being funny - it's about a shared sense of what is funny. The bad news about that is that you can't really change what you find funny or what someone else finds funny - so if you don't share a sense of humor, it's not going to work in your favor. The good news is that when you do find someone with a shared sense of humor - it can be like magic!
I completely agree about the humor. My husband and I laugh together all the time. Making him laugh makes me so happy. And I purposely said "shared sense of humor" as opposed to just a sense of humor - because then you get all these guys saying that they make jokes all the time and still don't get dates. It's not just about being funny - it's about a shared sense of what is funny. The bad news about that is that you can't really change what you find funny or what someone else finds funny - so if you don't share a sense of humor, it's not going to work in your favor. The good news is that when you do find someone with a shared sense of humor - it can be like magic!
Yep that's actually a GREAT point dew!!!!
I've got mates that are hilarious when out with but they complain that their partners don't laugh at their jokes/banter etc.
Me personally that's been my best way to meeting women and above all seeing if we have a future or not just by being myself and letting my sense of humour run wild LOL , no but seriously within minutes of meeting one and either just by talking or having a laugh I'll know if we are compatible or not
Don't get me wrong I think at times opposites can attract ( and they do ) but with the above its HUGELY important.
Be yourself? What if you're shy, antisocial /fearful of rejection?
Fear of rejection is learned and therefore, working on reducing it is not being untrue to oneself. In fact, in this case the fearfulness is what's unnatural to the person.
If one is truly naturally anti-social then one does not desire company in a give-and-take capacity; therefore, one does not desire a mate - ergo, advice on how to obtain a mate is moot.
Shyness can be natural unless it's crippling. If it's crippling, again, chances are very low that this is simply a natural condition but rather, is connected to fear - which again brings this to: you're NOT "being yourself" when this shy, unless "yourself" is hesitant to an extent not normally found in human beings. This being the case, debilitating, hurtful shyness that causes pain and distress is as natural as nearsightedness. Not all "natural" conditions are desirable, some hurt the person and correcting them doesn't make for fakery or lack of truthfuless to one's core. Does the fact that I wear glasses make me "not me" and a fraud? If someone advises me to be myself on a date, does that mean I should take my glasses off? Of course not. The fact that shyness ties into emotion doesn't make it more or less an indicator of how genuine or false it may be. These are all just various parts of "ourselves" and as such, you can see that "ourselves" change all the time...depending upon the circumstance, depending upon a lot of things. And we strive to improve all the time. That desire for self-improvement may be more "genuine" than the learned shyness, who knows.
"Shyness" (as perceived) can also be misinterpreted when a natural inborn condition does exist - autism, for example. In this case it's often social awkwardness is the actual problem and rejection due to this causes the anxiety, which causes fear of dealing with other people, which "reads" (perhaps inaccurately) as shyness. In such a case it can help tremendously to join like-minded groups, but learning to show other people you are interested in them isn't non-genuineness, it's communication.
*Some* shyness can be very natural indeed (and fine, healthy and non-hurtful to the experienced) and as somewhat to moderately shy people can and do find mates - often, shy people like themselves - then yes, a within normal ranges shy person can be him/herself and attract a mate.
FTR, feeling anxiety about doing something and then doing it anyway isn't unnatural or non-genuine. It is, in fact, something every conscious creature does frequently in a variety of contexts...i.e. entirely natural.
My number one advice to guys who want to get the "girls", LEARN TO DANCE!!!!
I know a lot of you might be laughing at that but it is true. Women LOVE to dance and there are very few guys out there who are willing to dance with them. That is why you see a lot of women dancing with other women because men don't want to dance. You go to places where there is dancing and asking a woman to dance is the best way to break the ice. Women love to be swept off their feet and this is one way to do it. And if you REALLY want to sweep a woman off her feet, learn to waltz. It really isn't that hard. If you can count to 3, you can waltz. BTW, that is how my husband swept me off my feet-he waltzed with me on our 3rd (?) date.
Then it would be time to have a microwave burrito and a capri sun and be somebody else.....
Seriously, it would be time to work on ones self to improve those traits.
Yes be a stoner. Also the ones who object to being called girls aren't ones you want to waste time on anyways.
My number one advice to guys who want to get the "girls", LEARN TO DANCE!!!!
I know a lot of you might be laughing at that but it is true. Women LOVE to dance and there are very few guys out there who are willing to dance with them. That is why you see a lot of women dancing with other women because men don't want to dance. You go to places where there is dancing and asking a woman to dance is the best way to break the ice. Women love to be swept off their feet and this is one way to do it. And if you REALLY want to sweep a woman off her feet, learn to waltz. It really isn't that hard. If you can count to 3, you can waltz. BTW, that is how my husband swept me off my feet-he waltzed with me on our 3rd (?) date.
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