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Yes, it matters. IMO, a wide deviation between spouses who are both career minded can be a stressor. It's not always the case of course but in general and for most, I think it causes dissatisfaction due to a gap in the ability to relate to one another.
I wanted to marry a professional white collar man in a suit but I fell desperately in love with a man in a uniform. I knew it would be a hard life full of worry. I also knew that I would have to be independent and would have to go a lot of places on my own. Holidays included.
That was not the life I had planned for myself, but there it was. I loved him too much not to grab the bulls by the horn and go with it.
Money comes and goes. Being madly in love with someone for thirty years and counting is far more rare, and worth it.
Not important. What was important was that she have one in which she was stable and happy and it was legal. As it turned out, my wife and I had the same profession - political and legislative analysis - which is how we met. As the manager of an office of legislation I was the bigger earner but that wasn't important either except for the bottom line. A mere 20 years later and counting it's still fun to have been in the same "business," especially in an election year and even more especially as we're often on opposite sides of the fence.
It was important to me to marry someone who had basically the same education (or better) and the same or better white-collar job prospects. It's worked out well, because we both work but have a lot of flexibility in our current schedules which has been great for having kids (we both worked and made more early in our careers but when we had kids we decided to take career ambition back a notch but not a drastic change). If I lose my job, we'd be ok for a while because of his job, and if he lost his, the same. Marriage is about love of course, but it's also a financial partnership. The less stress and conflict you can have about money the better, and some of that is knowing what you want in a partner and what's important to you. For us both, it wasn't about becoming millionaires at age 35, but definitely having enough not to worry about it or penny pinch.
I thought it was important. I always wanted to be with a pilot. There's just something about being able to put a big jet engine up into the sky that I thought was sexy. Love the uniform, too. I finally met and married him. He's a Captain with a legacy airline and flies all over the country. It's not as important to him as it could have been after all the bankruptcies and buy outs. He just treats it as a good job, not much more. Meanwhile, my career was always important to me; I worked long hours and didn't know how to relax, rarely took time off and had never even had a pet.
I found out our time together is a lot more important than what he does. He had a major heart scare and heart surgery 3 weeks after we got married. It could have been a career ending event but he was lucky and is doing well now. He was off work for the entire first year of our marriage and we really had our trials that year and since, but it made our relationship strong. He took me out on the river on a boat as often as he could. I got a tan, learned to ride a jet ski and had lots of fun. I think I became a better person because of my husband.
Our best times are out on the river when he serves as Captain of our houseboat. He taught me how to relax and forget about work. As for me, I'm not even working anymore; I am caring for my mom who is living with us and fighting cancer. I didn't mind leaving my career by the wayside. I may go back to work someday but it will never be the end-all-be-all that it once was.
Soon he will leave the airline behind in his retirement but he will always be the Captain of our boat! So what I thought was important really wasn't. I am just lucky I got a good husband.
I found out our time together is a lot more important than what he does.
Finally ... someone mentions this.
As a newlywed, I thought we had it made when I found out my husband made $100K. It was more money than I had ever thought about either of us making.
Until I learned that he was at the office 60-70 hours a week, and every Saturday. It was a horrible situation that I was completely unprepared for, intellectually and emotionally.
It took us quite a few years to recover from that initial bad start. Trust me ... money doesn't buy everything.
When we first got married nearly 40 years ago I made significantly more than she did but now the roles are reversed and she makes more than I do. You know what, I love her as much now as then and money has never played a role in that. Our happiness isn't based on who makes what.
My late H and I always earned about the same amount of money, since we were both well established in our careers when we met. I always admired his incredible technical skills and loved to hang out at the TV station with him on weekends. On the other hand, when he went on travel with me, he thought it was cool that my name was always posted prominently on the main gate billboard at whatever installation I was visiting. I had to tell him that they were warning everyone rather than welcoming me.
I only care that he has a job that gets a roof over our heads and insurance for us and doesn't make him have to be away often or for long periods of time. He doesn't even have to have a career, just a job.
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