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Maybe it's not about the exes. Maybe the issue is the amount of contact he wants to have with people outside of his relationship. As in he communicates so much outside the relationship that he has nothing left to communicate within the relationship. Relationships often times get into routines and sometimes they're boring routines, so it's easy to look outside the relationship for communication fun.
All the details matters not at all. What matters is if they are friends, or if they are just exes / ex lovers. That's it.
They are EX LOVERS and now FRIENDS. He was single for 12 years so No. 2 became a FWB for several years because they were both lonely and depressed. Every time she had a bf, she stopped talking to him. Now that he has gf, he didn't stop talking to her. But she is in a different state and he is not the kind of person who sends dirty pictures so there really is nothing going on.
I saw their texts, very superficial. he showed me texts and emails from them without reading them first because he was 100% sure there is nothing bad to it but I just couldn't stand the bond he has with these women. I wanted to be the only woman in his life. I would probably be just as annoyed if they wouldn't have a sexual history.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
I wanted to be the only woman in his life. I would probably be just as annoyed if they wouldn't have a sexual history.
Well that is an issue, for people with a social life. I don't know many people my age that are getting rid of friends for anyone.
And even if they are willing, most everyone would tell someone that if someone is asking you to get rid of friends (unless they're an unhealthy influence) then that is a major red flag. It's controlling, and it reeks of insecurity. That unhealthiness will come out in other ways later on.
All the details matters not at all. What matters is if they are friends, or if they are just exes / ex lovers. That's it.
It seems like though that you see any person someone has had an intimate relationship with as an ex... and as an ex forever. That will make things difficult. You're going to have to date people that think the same way. It would never work for me or for people I date or are friends with. It would make socializing impossible.
It's impossible to find people to socialize with who you haven't already had sex with?
They are EX LOVERS and now FRIENDS. He was single for 12 years so No. 2 became a FWB for several years because they were both lonely and depressed. Every time she had a bf, she stopped talking to him. Now that he has gf, he didn't stop talking to her. But she is in a different state and he is not the kind of person who sends dirty pictures so there really is nothing going on.
I saw their texts, very superficial. he showed me texts and emails from them without reading them first because he was 100% sure there is nothing bad to it but I just couldn't stand the bond he has with these women. I wanted to be the only woman in his life. I would probably be just as annoyed if they wouldn't have a sexual history.
If you want to be the sole person your so has a relationship of any kind with, yeah, that's going to cause problems across the board.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
It's impossible to find people to socialize with who you haven't already had sex with?
Never said that, or anything like it. But as I understand it, you don't really have a social group or a community, so this might be tough to understand.
If I go to a party at my friends, or to an event where friends are at, or at one (like two Sundays ago for St Paddys Day) that I went to a party held by someone I'm dating, there is going to be people that we're friends with there (obviously), and there is a good chance one of us has been intimate with one of them sometime in the past (communities/tribes, even in big cities are pretty small). I knew of at least one guy she dated in the past that was there (she gave me a heads up for whatever reason), but they're friends and have been for ages. I'm the newcomer... getting vetted of course, that's fine. Its part of a relationship progressing.
People date people they like as people. People they enjoy being with. Usually it doesn't work out, and very often people become good friends with these people (work with these people, be in bands with them, create art with them, etc). It's just part of life. It's healthy. It's not healthy to date people you couldn't or wouldn't want to be friends with.
Last edited by timberline742; 03-30-2016 at 09:04 AM..
I am not "mature" enough to be in a relationship with a woman that is in regular contact with her exs. I do not see that as my problem.
I have a male friend that is a 'phone person' constantly texting and phoning when I am with him. It is annoying beyond a certain point, I could not tolerate being in arelationship with a woman that was similar.
I don't see it as a problem that he was friends with his exes. I don't see it as a problem that he didn't just drop them when he entered into a relationship. I would be a little wary of him if he had done that. What I do see as a problem is that he wouldn't let YOU keep your friends. That's just wrong.
I don't think this is only your fault. Being friends with people you have loved, shared intimate details with and had sex with (unless you share children) is a no for me too. What's the point of keeping exes as friends? These women knows how he look naked and they have seen his O face. I am sorry you are hurting. <3
I have to work on myself for me and the next guy that comes along.
Wise words that show self-awareness.
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