Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 03-28-2016, 11:17 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,842,621 times
Reputation: 40634

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
I would really like for him to know that I am not nuts.


I don't want to be remembered as "THE CRAZY EX"
The more you try to make that happen, the worse off you'll be. Let it go.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-28-2016, 11:17 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,707 posts, read 19,883,738 times
Reputation: 43045
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrowningPoeFrost View Post
Eve, IMO you might get off of C-D for a little bit and take a some time for yourself offline. Maybe you could talk to some friends, family, or your counselor if you need to. There's just a lot of negativity reading people, who have opposing points of view, have disagreements on relationship threads when you just had a bad break-up and appear to simply need a break and to blow off steam. Threads are great and all, but I'm just saying watching people go back in forth over who is right and who is wrong may not really be helping you personally. Feel better


It has helped me to post here and see unbiased views.


Of course my friends are all on my side. The counselors all agree with me.


Except the one who turned. I still wonder why.


But yes, I got all my answers here, and should get off CD before JUST A GUY shows up and makes me feel even worse.


Thanks for all the kind wishes.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2016, 11:20 AM
 
Location: In the bee-loud glade
5,573 posts, read 3,334,536 times
Reputation: 12295
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
I would really like for him to know that I am not nuts.




I don't want to be remembered as "THE CRAZY EX"


The new partner hanging out with the old partner is not what people usually do. I want him to know that I was one out of 100 who would have done it for him.

That's something (what he thinks) that you don't have control over, though. You seem to be setting yourself up for more pain with this approach.


Even if you made a great case that it's not you or entirely you responsible for the break-up, do you think he's see that? Not likely.


Really, I'll double down on suggesting you get off-line and talk to your counselor about how you're feeling and thinking right now. Because you're hurting and confused about what you want, you need more help than we can give. That in no way is a comment on your mental health, just an acknowledgement that you're getting in over your head, and all any of us can do is jump in with you or yell at you to swim from the dry shore, neither of which will help.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2016, 11:21 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,707 posts, read 19,883,738 times
Reputation: 43045
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
I would really like for him to know that I am not nuts.




I don't want to be remembered as "THE CRAZY EX"


The new partner hanging out with the old partner is not what people usually do. I want him to know that I was one out of 100 who would have done it for him.
Last thing: This is something I really would like him to know. Any suggestions how to make it happen?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2016, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,636,835 times
Reputation: 73585
Stop with the blame/fault game, and don't tell him anything. It's not like he is going to change his mind.

Just go with the two of you are not compatible and walk off with your dignity.
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2016, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,692,733 times
Reputation: 13170
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Could you please elaborate?


I usually always look at myself when I have a break up but this is the first time I take the blame.


I want to improve and be a better person every time I am single again. I am not the kind of person who thinks she is awesome and if people don't like me, it is on them. I want to learn and grow and are open to criticizm.
1. We often don't know ourselves as well as we think.
2. We all tell ourselves stories about who we are to get some kind of self-reinforcement.
3. Often these views actually don't jibe with how others observe us.
4. These stories are sometimes self-destructive, or at the very least don't sync with reality, but we stick with them?
5. Why? We often don't know the answer.

I think you really did a job on yourself in your post. You were very self-assured and relied on your own view of your "history" to come to the solution of why you two broke up. But you weren't very kind to yourself in doing so.

I hope that makes some sense. I don't mean to be critical at all. You are one of the most helpful and insightful people here.

Best of luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2016, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,290,577 times
Reputation: 30257
Im so sorry to hear about this, Eve

Can the relationship be salvageable? Is it possible the two of you can work through this?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2016, 11:27 AM
 
20 posts, read 13,205 times
Reputation: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
I would really like for him to know that I am not nuts.




I don't want to be remembered as "THE CRAZY EX"


The new partner hanging out with the old partner is not what people usually do. I want him to know that I was one out of 100 who would have done it for him.
Why is it important to you to prove him wrong? YOU cannot change HIM or his opinion of you, you don't have to prove anything to anyone/ My ex spread so much rumors and lies about me and I felt compelled to explain to people and one friend said, if your friends really know who you are they will not believe the lies, and if they do then they are not your friends. The opinions of others specially the one you have not met should not matter to you. Truth will come out, one way or the other, you are better off working on how to finalize your divorce than trying to convince him that you are worthy, at least you can get something accomplished faster. You are hurt and frustrated, you are desperate almost to tell him he is wrong, this is not a matter of who is wrong or right, it is just not meant to be, TIME is your friend and give it a chance to heal you, process the pain and mourn the loss, its all you can truly do, whatever he says or think its not important anymore, You are more important and your well being...
Pick up your stuff bring a friend with you and do not say a word if he is there, then drop off his key or mail it registered mail. Find a quiet place where you can just think and find peace...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2016, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,692,733 times
Reputation: 13170
Quote:
Originally Posted by GKelly View Post
I think it's harder to let it go when you feel like it's your fault.
Not in all cases. Some really good people - not all, by any means - use this as a way to escape from their true selves. I know this sounds contradictory, but it's really not.

I used to have a really awful inner story about my childhood, and I always took the blame for all kinds of stuff (for which I really wasn't to blame) Why? It was really quite happy, as i later learned from boyhood friends with whom I reconnected later in life and from family picture books my wife gathered up after my mom died and then showed me.

I never found out where this case from. I never searched because the truth was obvious.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2016, 11:39 AM
 
426 posts, read 369,805 times
Reputation: 222
So it didn't happen and work out.
Im sorry.
But why do you want to still remain in contact?
It's better to just not see him.
There are other guys out there.

It seems like you want him back since you still want to talk to him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:53 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top