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Okay, so apply your definition to the OP..... You think he qualifies obviously (based on your previous response)....
I mean testing with the silence thing and making her apologize for how she treats him and complaining about how she treats him just doesn't sound like emotional abuse to me...... It just sounds whiny and petty.
Sounds like both parties in this relationship could use a little self-esteem therapy....
ok, here's my take which will also reveal my character....pretty much cut and dry...but...if lets say, you and I were living together, and I was winey and short fused with you...does that give you excuse to go onto the internet and solicide partners?
Thats like saying, ok, you did me wrong so now I'm gonna get even, or do something wrong...
I believe, and maybe I didn't make myself clear....my ex was a real poop....it wasn't only about infidelity, but also, his manipulative and calculating behavior....controlling, etc. So, would it have been ok for me to say....well, that's it, I'm going to go on some dating internet site and find myself a little something on the side.
I don't think so....morally, that isn't me...and no matter how someone treats me, I'm not going to retaliate with negative behavior...especially negative behavior that is going to cost others heartache as well, simply out of anger and spite. Wrong.....
What she did was wrong...but what he has done, speaks volumns about his character.
I've heard women say, that upon catching their husbands cheating, they say, well, you did this and you did that, so I cheated...where is the logic, not to mention, once again I will say...if it isn't in a persons character to do...no matter what she would have done, he wouldn't have retaliated by attempting to cheat....he would have instead, said, we have a problem that needs to have us sit down with an unbiased counselor and get to the bottom of things. Two wrongs, do not make it right.
To the OP's query, yes, this qualifies as emotional abuse. Any behavior that makes the other person feel off balance or in the one-down position qualifies. Emotional abusers can't feel good about themselves without belittling their partner. What's happening in the car may seem small and insignificant now, but it isn't. It will escalate unless she puts her foot down now. My ex was emotionally abusive, and it got so bad that I didn't trust my own judgment about things. If I hadn't gotten away from him, I don't know if I'd be here today. These people are "crazy makers", because they'll nitpick at you, and then when you call them on it, they'll retaliate with, "Oh, I was just joking" or "Why are you so sensitive?" You can never win.
One of many examples from my marriage: My now ex-husband told me once, "You're cutting the spam in the wrong direction." What?!
ok, here's my take which will also reveal my character....pretty much cut and dry...but...if lets say, you and I were living together, and I was winey and short fused with you...does that give you excuse to go onto the internet and solicide partners?
Thats like saying, ok, you did me wrong so now I'm gonna get even, or do something wrong...
I believe, and maybe I didn't make myself clear....my ex was a real poop....it wasn't only about infidelity, but also, his manipulative and calculating behavior....controlling, etc. So, would it have been ok for me to say....well, that's it, I'm going to go on some dating internet site and find myself a little something on the side.
I don't think so....morally, that isn't me...and no matter how someone treats me, I'm not going to retaliate with negative behavior...especially negative behavior that is going to cost others heartache as well, simply out of anger and spite. Wrong.....
What she did was wrong...but what he has done, speaks volumns about his character.
I've heard women say, that upon catching their husbands cheating, they say, well, you did this and you did that, so I cheated...where is the logic, not to mention, once again I will say...if it isn't in a persons character to do...no matter what she would have done, he wouldn't have retaliated by attempting to cheat....he would have instead, said, we have a problem that needs to have us sit down with an unbiased counselor and get to the bottom of things. Two wrongs, do not make it right.
Creme
Did we just combine two different threads or was this response meant for the other???..... The guy who cheated on the internet was in the OTHER thread... This dude here just appears to be an insecure dork who seeks validation from his wife WAY too often.
To the OP's query, yes, this qualifies as emotional abuse. Any behavior that makes the other person feel off balance or in the one-down position qualifies.
You realize you've basically said that "Anytime the man disagrees with the woman it's emotional abuse.", right???
To me SOME of this "emotional abuse" stuff is women that are perpetuating the stereo-type of the 1950's subservient woman.
I don't mean to ruffle feathers, but instead of, "Yes dear.... I'll cut the spam in the other direction. My mistake. Go put your feet up and watch football.", maybe a "Oh get bent, what difference does it make??? Get out of the kitchen and let me do this!!!"
At what point does the woman have some responsibility for her own self-esteem here??? It seems to me that "emotional abuse" happens when women marry a man that they thought they knew but didn't and attempt to stay with him even though they grow to dislike him more and more every day and just agree with him to shut him up......
Where is the line between the guy "emotionally abusing" an otherwise perfectly happy woman and a woman that really needs to be a little more assertive in the relationship and responsible for her own happiness to some extent???
<ducking and shielding head with hands and arms to defend against upcoming barrage...>
To me SOME of this "emotional abuse" stuff is women that are perpetuating the stereo-type of the 1950's subservient woman.
I don't mean to ruffle feathers, but instead of, "Yes dear.... I'll cut the spam in the other direction. My mistake. Go put your feet up and watch football.", maybe a "Oh get bent, what difference does it make??? Get out of the kitchen and let me do this!!!"
At what point does the woman have some responsibility for her own self-esteem here??? It seems to me that "emotional abuse" happens when women marry a man that they thought they knew but didn't and attempt to stay with him even though they grow to dislike him more and more every day and just agree with him to shut him up......
Where is the line between the guy "emotionally abusing" an otherwise perfectly happy woman and a woman that really needs to be a little more assertive in the relationship and responsible for her own happiness to some extent???
Well, I have to say that you make some valid points. It goes both ways, though. Women can be just as emotionally abusive - or whatever you want to call it - as men can.
However, even, and perhaps especially, the "1950s subservient woman" does not deserve to be talked to in a way that intends to demean her and empower him. No one does.
Well, I have to say that you make some valid points. It goes both ways, though. Women can be just as emotionally abusive - or whatever you want to call it - as men can.
However, even, and perhaps especially, the "1950s subservient woman" does not deserve to be talked to in a way that intends to demean her and empower him. No one does.
Of course not. I'd think in this day and age a woman should be more than aware of this fact as well....
My point is that I can see where a woman can feel there is nothing they can do about physical abuse. A man is physically stronger and there is a definate fear factor involved there.
Emotional abuse though.... A woman really has to LET this happen for it to get to that point I would think. Of course they don't deserve to be talked to that way and that's my point..... Nip that ***** in the butt. If a woman doesn't stand up for herself would it stand to reason that there is some enabling going on there by a woman with some self-esteem issues???
To the OP's query, yes, this qualifies as emotional abuse. Any behavior that makes the other person feel off balance or in the one-down position qualifies............. These people are "crazy makers", because they'll nitpick at you, and then when you call them on it, they'll retaliate with, "Oh, I was just joking" or "Why are you so sensitive?" You can never win.
Quote:
An emotional abuser, will pick apart anything you do, like making dinner, it's always wrong, now, here is the way I would do it, they say....or you can't fold laundry right, you clean wrong, you put the dishes away wrong, .................... sometimes quit active in communities, as it helps them feel as if they are making a contribution.
Welcome to my world - and Happy Valentine's Day (which BTW is a STUPID holiday because, you know, it isn't important, why would someone NEED a card or a kind word)
Edited to add - check out the books of Melody Beatty - she gives great advice for dealing with emotional abuse and verbal infliction of emotional distress:
Melody Beattie -- The Library (http://www.melodybeattie.com/library/library.htm - broken link)
To the OP's query, yes, this qualifies as emotional abuse. Any behavior that makes the other person feel off balance or in the one-down position qualifies. Emotional abusers can't feel good about themselves without belittling their partner. What's happening in the car may seem small and insignificant now, but it isn't. It will escalate unless she puts her foot down now. My ex was emotionally abusive, and it got so bad that I didn't trust my own judgment about things. If I hadn't gotten away from him, I don't know if I'd be here today. These people are "crazy makers", because they'll nitpick at you, and then when you call them on it, they'll retaliate with, "Oh, I was just joking" or "Why are you so sensitive?" You can never win.
One of many examples from my marriage: My now ex-husband told me once, "You're cutting the spam in the wrong direction." What?!
no matter what you do its wrong . Now in my case we had kids together
i just found out he verbally abused the kids 2 out of 4 won't see him anymore. also are in therapy now ! This is serious no joke .
It hurts families .
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my bad....
thats right
