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Old 03-28-2016, 03:18 PM
 
9 posts, read 9,526 times
Reputation: 17

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I just had a question...This is based on my experience, and it has been irking me.

Why is it that when a man rejects a woman because he doesn't like how she looks or isn't attracted, no one thinks less of him for it...

But when a woman rejects a man because she doesn't like how he looks or isn't attracted, she's labeled shallow or immature or something negative?

It's like women are always supposed to look past those things and see only a man's heart or success, but that requirement is never put on men except as an afterthought ("Are you attracted to her?" always comes first). They're allowed to just like what they like visually, with personality traits being an afterthought.

Granted, a lot of women AREN'T as fixated on appearances as men are to begin with, but it kind of bugs me that I'm not allowed to be that way if I want to without being judged so negatively.

No one thinks less of a man for only liking girls he thinks are pretty, but if a girl only likes "pretty boys", seldom is she labeled positively. It's not just men doing the labeling, it's women, too.

I just hate having the feeling that I can't say what I really want without being ostracized or looked at funny because I said "A nice body, good hair, and pretty blue eyes" and didn't say "A good job and stability" or something. They're not mutually exclusive...

Whereas a man is perfectly fine to express he likes petite women with long hair or something (whatever he likes).

I am just trying to understand the reasoning of why a woman who wants a man she's actually attracted to is viewed as immature, while it's not so for a man?

I could be wrong, I don't think it's shallow or immature though. I don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't make me want it - otherwise it's just a duty, not a passion.
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Old 03-28-2016, 03:27 PM
 
Location: New York
147 posts, read 83,123 times
Reputation: 134
All humans are shallow. Men want the best looking women, women want the most socially dominant men. This is how biology works. It's shallow but all humans are.
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Old 03-28-2016, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Mableton, GA USA (NW Atlanta suburb, 4 miles OTP)
11,333 posts, read 24,057,157 times
Reputation: 3956
Who is doing this labeling?

To me, the reasons for people liking or not liking other people is their own business. I don't pretend to understand it. Believe me, I've tried, and it doesn't work. So I've just given up. :-)
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Old 03-28-2016, 03:29 PM
 
8,780 posts, read 8,474,607 times
Reputation: 9505
It totally depends on "why" not that you happen to have a preference at all
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Old 03-28-2016, 03:31 PM
 
6,804 posts, read 4,290,642 times
Reputation: 8566
Looks and chemistry are important to a degree for both men and women. In that respect, it is not any shallower than anything else, such as intelligence, charm, or integrity. It is just one of a variety of things that lead to attraction. The problem becomes self-defeating if one is so focused on just one or two things at the exclusion of others that are equally important to a relationship. This applies to both men and women
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Old 03-28-2016, 03:32 PM
 
9 posts, read 9,526 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
It totally depends on "why" not that you happen to have a preference at all
Could you explain this a bit more? I've never heard a man being asked "why" he likes thin or curvy women...it seems like it would be just raw attraction in most cases anyway.
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Old 03-28-2016, 03:35 PM
 
9 posts, read 9,526 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by HabsFanMTL88 View Post
All humans are shallow. Men want the best looking women, women want the most socially dominant men. This is how biology works. It's shallow but all humans are.
So...the problem arises when a woman goes against the grain and wants the best looking man instead of the most "socially dominant"? Is that what you're saying?
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Old 03-28-2016, 03:37 PM
 
Location: New York
147 posts, read 83,123 times
Reputation: 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by Water Dancer View Post
So...the problem arises when a woman goes against the grain and wants the best looking man instead of the most "socially dominant"? Is that what you're saying?

No. The best looking guy usually is the most socially dominant. But if there's two guys and the less physically attractive is more dominant, he gets the women. Biology will never change. All humans are shallow.
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Old 03-28-2016, 03:51 PM
 
Location: PNW, CPSouth, JacksonHole, Southampton
3,444 posts, read 4,875,758 times
Reputation: 13398
I don't think that anybody ever labeled my daughter as 'shallow', because she had physical preferences in men (over 6'-4", blond-to-the-roots, with a substantial nose, and built). And I don't recall ANYBODY whom you'd consider socially acceptable criticizing women for having physical preferences in men.

Yes, there are certain low-class/primitive/low-IQ subcultures where women are supposed to be packaged as sex objects, while the men are only required to be thuggish. But, here in AMERICA, those are mere subcultures.
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Old 03-28-2016, 03:59 PM
 
9 posts, read 9,526 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrandviewGloria View Post
I don't think that anybody ever labeled my daughter as 'shallow', because she had physical preferences in men (over 6'-4", blond-to-the-roots, with a substantial nose, and built). And I don't recall ANYBODY whom you'd consider socially acceptable criticizing women for having physical preferences in men.

Yes, there are certain low-class/primitive/low-IQ subcultures where women are supposed to be packaged as sex objects, while the men are only required to be thuggish. But, here in AMERICA, those are mere subcultures.
Maybe I've just had bad luck, but I have totally been called shallow for it.
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