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I've noticed that I have a tendency to have sex quickly when a man makes clear that he will only have a casual relationship, but when a man wants long-term, I do things more slowly (so as not to be judged negatively - because many guys WILL judge you for having sex too soon). Many women do things differently, but that's generally my pattern.
A male pointed out that this is a bad strategy, because it "punishes" guys for being relationship material.
What strategy would be more fair, yet still work for the woman?
If you wait a certain amount of time ALL the time, you'll miss out on casual partners, who are often not willing to wait.
If you do it more quickly ALL the time, you'll put off many serious partners.
So it seems like you inherently cannot treat casual and serious men the same way.
To just say "don't have casual sex" is unrealistic. People always have and always will in any free society. People are just more open/less secretive about it now.
To clarify: I'm a big fan of weighing what works for the individual WAY more than what's "fair".
The easiest solution is to simply have sex when you want to have sex and let the serious partners who would be discouraged go pound sand. But if you're actively looking for a LTR and value that more highly than casual sex at the moment, I can see how it would feel like that might not work for you.
You ask an intriguing question, OP.
On one hand, I'd recommend the above. On the other, I wouldn't be concerned at all with "punishing" guys who are relationship material (though, to avoid rubbing salt in the wound, I wouldn't make mention of how quickly you've slept with other guys).
The shortest response I can give is: Do what feels appropriate for you, and don't worry about "punishing" others. If your needs/wants drastically change, and you feel that behavior adjustment makes a difference (personally, I don't agree, but that's a different topic), then adjust accordingly.
Have sex with guys whenever you feel you want it based on your own personal values, not on whether or not a potential LTR guy is going to judge you on that. A guy who will judge you on that is not going to be compatible with you in the long term anyway because you have different value systems.
No one has any input on when I decide not; or to, have sex. Fair does not enter the equation.
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It would make more sense to have sex faster with the guy that is going to stick around. No need to make him wait when Mr. No good can just get it asap. But whatever makes people happy is best.
It would make more sense to have sex faster with the guy that is going to stick around. No need to make him wait when Mr. No good can just get it asap. But whatever makes people happy is best.
How does a woman determine that a guy is going to stick around?
I've just always had sex when we both were ready. It's nobody's business but my own in terms of how long I waited or didn't wait to have sex with each person. It has nothing to do with punishing or fairness.
I see what you mean, but I'm with the others who feel it punishes the guy who is genuinely interested.
But on your end, there's no way to know what a man's intentions truly are. So, I can't blame ya either way. Do what you feel is best.
How is it punishing anyone?
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