Online dating for men 40+

[RedWings18]

Originally Posted by timberline742

Oh my life was far from sedentary, I worked in the ecology field and I was hiking/climbing/cutting/burning, etc most of the year round. But no, it was a non factor.

30s were far easier because of the advent of online dating. It's that simple. I've met many of the most awesome people ever because of OLD.

You said it, not me man.

What sites do you use? I've only ever done pof and tinder and it's been mainly trash.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by RedWings18

You said it, not me man.

What sites do you use? I've only ever done pof and tinder and it's been mainly trash.

I never said I was sedentary, no, just that I didn't work out. Now I'm much more sedentary but I'm at the gym daily.

But for the other question, it depends on the era.

Now if I'm looking to date, OKC. This has been the best dating site I've ever used, hands down, the matching algorithm is gold. I've used bumble and tinder and they've been good to find people to go to shows with and hook up with, but not date. Not yet.

Late 00s Match I had luck on.

In mid 00s The Onion (satire newspaper) had a personals site that was gold.

Early 00s craigslist was great. Met my best friend there, and a person that was a lover for 8 years or so. Several other good ones, but that was 12 or so years ago.

The good people move over the years as the certain sites become too popular.

[NWGirl74]

Originally Posted by timberline742

The good people move over the years as the certain sites become too popular.

Here, for years, OKC was the #1 site to use and POF was considered a cesspool. Now OKC has really gone downhill and people are migrating more to POF.

Even with OLD, I found it A LOT easier to meet age-appropriate men and get dates in my 20's than I have in my late 30's and so far early 40's. Though, most of them I met through a local AOL singles chat room, so I guess that could technically be considered OLD. The mid to late 30's want younger; the men in their 40's I encountered on OLD for the most part look as though they had not taken care of themselves over the course of their 20+ year marriages they are recently out of.

[weezerfan84]

20's was a gold mine for me. I dated more women and I had more fun. Even into my mid to late 20's I still had luck with the women. When I hit 30, dating changed, but it's also because I changed. The going out all the time lost its lure and I had packed on too much weight too. One thing I can get down with about being in my 30s is that I am who I am and I overcame a lot of dumb things in my 20s to get here. On a personal level, the amount of success I've gained in my 30s professionally, was something I couldn't really fathom in my 20s. It was starting when I was 29, but I didn't really embrace it till I turned 30.


I'd say I'm a smarter dater now, but I'm also a worse dater in some ways too. In my 20s I was a bit more manipulative and found myself in situations saying all the right things to get what I wanted. Their needs mattered very little in my book during that time. Who knows if I'll still be dating in my 40s or not. I hope not, but I can't always control that.


I could probably stand to be a little more outgoing in my 30s in the bar scene, but I did it so much in my 20s, that I kinda got worn out on it. I go out quite a bit with friends now and I have an FWB for lonely times too. I think if I could do dating where she paid her way and I paid my way, I'd like it a lot more. It just seems in my 30s, I haven't met as many women who are looking for that kind of casual friendship/dating scenario. Honestly, I don't blame them. It's hard for me to get invested much when it's that casual too. I still live by the motto though that when you change things up and it doesn't work, change things up again.

[NWGirl74]

Originally Posted by weezerfan84

The going out all the time lost its lure and I had packed on too much weight too. One thing I can get down with about being in my 30s is that I am who I am and I overcame a lot of dumb things in my 20s to get here. On a personal level, the amount of success I've gained in my 30s professionally, was something I couldn't really fathom in my 20s. It was starting when I was 29, but I didn't really embrace it till I turned 30.

I was one of those "fat and happy" people - I gained weight in my late 20's and 30's when I was with LH and even more after he died. Now down 30 lbs since July, I'm only a few lbs heavier than I was and can wear the same size I did when I was 25.

However, I am a lot more secure in who I am and what I bring to the table than I was back then - again, when dating was easier for me. I'm also not as likely to settle for someone just for the sake of dating as I was back then either. Never say never, but I can't see myself doing the "Mr. Right Now" thing with someone I know deep down does not have long term potential like I see so many people around here do. Why keep us both from meeting someone who does have that potential?

[AlfredB1979]

Originally Posted by k374

How is it out there for men 40+ in the online dating scene? I have tried it a bit in my 30s and had some success, I met all my past girlfriends this way and had relationships which ranged from 1 year to 2.5 years. It was tough but with some persistence I was able to get a few good dates.

Is there a big shift for men between dating 35-40 vs 40-45? Is it better or worse?

I'm 36 and these days, when I have an OLD profile up, I get all sorts of hits from 40+. I put up an OKC profile last week just to doodle around on the long weekend and got messaged by a 51-year old woman ("Hi"). Meh. It's not like I am even trying...I rarely message anybody. I can only imagine how easy it gets for a 40+ guy, especially with the demographic for singles tilting the other way (as in more available women).

Originally Posted by grmi66

So I'm tall,

If your height starts with a 6', that certainly sets you apart.

Originally Posted by JerZ

Yes, I think most people I know would say the dating scene was like shooting fish in a barrel in their early 20s, but it may be different for some people.

The thing is, in your early 20s you are probably still in school, hence surrounded by literally hundreds of singles exactly your age every single day, but even if you're not in school, peers are still more likely single than not and you do not have kids, divorce, physical sgns oh aging and so on yet. I mean it was like a buffet and I'm not amazing or anything like that. Average looking woman, short (sure as hell not model-like), etc. And the guys I and my friends were going out with weren't rich, gorgeous, etc. They were regular guys. So it wasn't like they had to be stellar in order to get dates, they just had to be young and have peers. I mean we all wanted to date so...?

But as I said, perhaps it's different for some people.

Anyyway, the OP is in his 40s, not his 20s so I guess this is all moot. If he's in good shape and fun he should get dates.

It is. I didn't go to any colleges with any Greek life and they were also catering to "non-traditional" students, so I wasn't really up for dating single moms in my early 20s. After that, i was running a restaurant then later worked offshore and at a few chemical plants, so my 20s were quite uneventful as far as dating went. There was not much to set me apart for any other guy. That changed later on, though.

[rcsteiner]

Originally Posted by AlfredB1979

If your height starts with a 6', that certainly sets you apart.

I think this is funny. I'm 6' 1", but 2 of my 3 brothers and many of my friends are taller, so I felt about average until I moved from the Twin Cities to Atlanta. Here, there seem to be a lot of shorter people. And the women here come in all sorts of pretty colors.

[NWGirl74]

Originally Posted by AlfredB1979

I'm 36 and these days, when I have an OLD profile up, I get all sorts of hits from 40+.

I'm 42 and when I had a profile on OKC, my low end of the age range was 35. I knew that realistically, that was not likely to happen. However, the guy I met from there was 35 and was definitely interested seemed surprised when he asked my age and I said I was 41 (as I was at the time). So, while it's unlikely, it's not out of the realm of possibility. I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with him, however.