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So I'm in college and have been dating my boyfriend for several months. He was a virgin when we met and a lot has happened in his life during our relationship. But, in short, he's relied on me for a lot of support and i'm the first person to really connect to him and be there when he needed it most.
Now, a new conflict has come up. It seems that he is being forced to be transfer universities. To be honest, I don't see the relationship working long distance. I'm going to be super busy next semester (trying to graduate early) and I won't have the time to travel to see him. I don't know how to tell him how I feel. I know he is further committed in the relationship than I am, and so many bad events have happened to him in the past few months that I don't want to see him hurt again (especially by me).
Should I end the relationship now that I know he has to transfer? Should I wait a few months to break-up? Or should I just let it die of natural causes? I'm worried that if I try to leave now that he will say that he is willing to do whatever it takes to stay together (drive to visit me on the weekends and such). And I guess there are ways that it theoretically COULD work long distance, but the truth is that i'm not "in love" right now and even though I think that love could grow over time if he lived here, he isn't going to be here. I don't see the relationship having much of a chance.
What do you want for now? Are you happy with the things that are happening now and into the short-term future before he leaves? If so, tell him you might have some concerns after he leaves, and you guys will have to discuss that later when the time comes. Other than that, if you are happy with everything else, then just continue on.
On the other hand, if you are kind of not satisfied with the relationship now, then the best thing to do is to end it now. Just tell him things aren't working for you now nor do you think they will in the future. It's not up to you to spare someone's feelings at the expense of your own personal integrity.
Truthfully tell him you're not in love with him. Do not include confusing comments like if you were not transferring etc to the mix.
Right now, today, you not crazy for him--tell him that....prolonging the relationship out of convenience is not nice.
I can't just tell him i'm not in love with him...i can't bring myself to do it. I do care for him greatly, that's why i'm trying to do this in the least painful way. I see why you think the transfer is an excuse, and it is and it's not. I wish things were different and we could stay together. But I am also realistic and know it can't work out.
I can't just tell him i'm not in love with him...i can't bring myself to do it. I do care for him greatly, that's why i'm trying to do this in the least painful way. I see why you think the transfer is an excuse, and it is and it's not really. I wish things were different and we could stay together. But I am also realistic and know it can't work out.
I really hate this situation...
This:
Quote:
Originally Posted by ak8080
To be honest, I don't see the relationship working long distance. I'm going to be super busy next semester (trying to graduate early) and I won't have the time to travel to see him....I guess there are ways that it theoretically COULD work long distance, but the truth is that i'm not "in love" right now and even though I think that love could grow over time if he lived here, he isn't going to be here. I don't see the relationship having much of a chance.
Talk to him about it. You can leave off the "not in love" part and simply discuss the difficulties of continuing the relationship. Be clear that you want to break up because it will be the best for both of you.
Then keep contact to a minimum so he doesn't have false hope.
Thank you guys for all the advice! It's really helpful to get unbiased feedback
It's not easy to break up with someone, but the truth is that there is no foolproof way to do it without saying things the other person probably won't want to hear.
Think about if YOU were hearing this news, how you probably wouldn't want the other person to take forever to get it out but to just cut to the chase. Once he hears that you want to break up, he may have heard enough and leave or he may begin to "plead his case." Or he may react in any number of ways.
The main thing is to remember WHY you're doing it and not to deviate from that. Knowing your purpose keeps you from being unnecessarily hurtful and gets you through a painful process.
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plus you will create more problems for yourself in the long run.
