Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
As she's noted, being an "older" female in a city that skews much younger can presents a challenge (much different than the challenges faced by a male in the same position.
How so, she's my age. I don't consider us older. I don't feel older in Portland, or in Boston, etc.
What are the different challenges? I wish women my age would show more interest in me, we have more in common, but they don't. The ones that message me are almost universally younger, so that's who I tend to hang out with. I don't know any of my peers that aren't into or aren't open to dating people our own age. That claim is pretty much all on CD from the dudes and ladies I know in the dating world, and just as many women I know date dudes 5-10 years younger as guys do; its all about meeting the right individual.
How so, she's my age. I don't consider us older. I don't feel older in Portland, or in Boston, etc.
That's great. But generally speaking, there are more younger women open to dating older men than the reverse. If the single men she comes into contact with regularly are much younger, looking elsewhere makes more sense. Even if she did want to date younger men, there is less likelihood that the younger population would be interested than if she were a guy. We can all pretend that's not true, but that doesn't make it less so.
I had the reverse issue back in the day when I did that very rural stint in my twenties. Singles were QUITE rare...and the few who existed and who were interested (mostly divorcees at a minimum of 15 years older)were MUCH older than I was interested in. So, I looked elsewhere, which involved some travel.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
That's great. But generally speaking, there are more younger women looking to date older men than the reverse. If the single men she comes into contact with regularly are much younger, looking elsewhere makes more sense. Even if she did want to date younger men, there is less likelihood that the younger population would be interested than if she were a guy. We can all pretend that's not true, but that doesn't make it less so.
If you say so. I don't see it. I don't have many women my age that interested in me and I see equal numbers of dudes and ladies date younger. Up until this past two years almost everyone I dated was older. I'm not saying you're wrong, I just don't see it. People want to date cool people they have chemistry with, it generally all boils down to this.
This. As I've said many times, I meet a lot of people in my incredibly active social life. However, I meet a lot of women, and men who are in their 20's and 50's, but very rarely one in their 30's or 40's.
My BFF and his roommate were talking recently - she's 31 and said the same thing about either meeting younger or older but very few in the middle, and her hobbies and activities are different than mine. Another friend went back to someone who is madly in love with her who she only views as a FWB because for the time being, it's easier than trying to meet someone else. And another friend is dating someone they are admittedly settling for. I actually met one I found attractive recently and would have liked to get to know better but he wasn't interested.
It just gets frustrating to have people who are in relationships-and have been forever, who don't struggle with dating, or have watched one too many episodes of "Portlandia" to try to explain to me, who is in the social scene, that if I really wanted to meet someone, all I have to do is leave my house and an age appropriate, single man will magically appear, when I've been running myself ragged with an overactive social life for the last 5 years with hopes of meeting someone. My co-worker is the worst offender of this. I'm tempted to have her manage an OKC profile for me so she can see what it's really like...
However, I need to work on not seeing love as a negative right now so I'm not trying to meet anyone until I can see love as a positive thing. Which is good since as I said, chances are slim I'm going to anyway.
Timberline, I am curious, with you having friends here if any of them are single and what they say about the singles scene for themselves or friends they have who are single?
If you say so. I don't see it. I don't have many women my age that interested in me and I see equal numbers of dudes and ladies date younger. Up until this past two years almost everyone I dated was older. I'm not saying you're wrong, I just don't see it. People want to date cool people they have chemistry with, it generally all boils down to this.
When I was starting to think about dating again, I was afraid being widowed would be a stumbling block for me. I was told most men won't care about but rather my biggest stumbling block in this area would be that I was over 35.
If you say so. I don't see it. I don't have many women my age that interested in me and I see equal numbers of dudes and ladies date younger. Up until this past two years almost everyone I dated was older. I'm not saying you're wrong, I just don't see it. People want to date cool people they have chemistry with, it generally all boils down to this.
You don't see a lot of things that others commonly experience, though, per your posts. It is what it is. *shrug*
My only point is, sometimes you DO have to look elsewhere to access what you're looking for, if it's not readily found where you're at.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74
Timberline, I am curious, with you having friends here if any of them are single and what they say about the singles scene for themselves or friends they have who are single?
A few are, my best friend isn't, he's married. I would call three guys and one lady friends (as opposed to acquaintances) and they view Portland as a gold mine. They love it there, including dating. Though one of the dudes complains about it being a bit of a sausage party, not enough women. And the lady friend likes it, but finds it a bit incestuous, as in she's banging bandmates and not even realizing it (that they were bandmates, but so many people are in 3-4 bands), but you know... The people I know there though (and honestly most places) are really into the craft brew scene (Breakside is rather awesome out there) and punk/hardcore/etc, so they're probably not your people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
You don't see a lot of things that others commonly experience, though, per your posts. It is what it is. *shrug*
My only point is, sometimes you DO have to look elsewhere to access what you're looking for, if it's not readily found where you're at.
True enough I guess. If CD was a place for "the truth" I, being an average looking dude with a weak paycheck wouldn't be having any luck on OLD never mind having cute women message me first. Good think CD isn't reality.
When you feel like you've over-fished your local pond, there's less options (even I 'recognize' the same OKC profiles from more than year ago), you increase the search radius.
My dream is, to find someone within a 20 min drive. Because I like this town, its vibe, its lifestyle features. I settled here. Would be nice to find a nice girl that already feels the same. Negative, Captain.
Maybe I'd drive an hour... for a winnar winnar chicken dinner
Aw shoot, still cant get it... OK I'll go 2.5+ hours out.
You can have your "number 1 2 3" "nice to have" & "must have" & "must NOT haves" but your filters and preferences dont mean much if you cant find local candidates that qualify for second-round callbacks.
So you get something started with someone, who lives far away (because they responded to you). But because your #1 was somebody close by, so you could come over on weeknights, to Netflix and Chill, and make din at home, and then one person now discovers what the commute is like back to work from THEIR house.
Also, in my experience somebody real close by is less likely to cheat on you, because the other person could show up randomly at either place ("its Tuesday, so I brought you Tacos!"). Them scandalous, shameless hoes *look for* the ones who have to telegraph their movements, so they can shore up their stories & schedules.
But no - your long distance lover is all about 'coming up for the weekend', and burning a tankful of gas RT varies from $45 to $85, and coordinating weekends far in advance - like work, it is Less Fun.
I know why somebody within a 20 min drive is in my top three.
I thought NWGirl wasn't into the alternative scene. Tattoos, gauges, and the such. That's my impression of underground music scene. Am I wrong in the Portland area? Never been.
I have an idea for a tattoo but am not sure if I'll ever go through with getting it. No gauges, my only piercings are my ears. I support gay marriage, don't care whether or not marijuana is legalized, and if you read the other thread, I have no issues with public nudity. My music tastes do tend to be more mainstream however.
True enough I guess. If CD was a place for "the truth" I, being an average looking dude with a weak paycheck wouldn't be having any luck on OLD never mind having cute women message me first. Good think CD isn't reality.
I don't know that that's the case, I just don't think individual experiences are necessarily always reflective of overall norms.
I mean, I ended up suddenly single at 35. Despite living in a region of the country regarded by many, including yourself, as a dating wasteland for those who do not wish to marry young/don't adhere to conservative values, I found that dating was not problematic. But I also know that my experience is not the norm. So I'm not really motivated to call people whose experience has been that dating options are limited for women approaching 40 or older liars, simply because my personal experience was different.
What's reality for you (or me) isn't necessarily reality for everyone.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
