Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yes, together for 12 years and married for 9. I wasn't repulsed by my husband when I first met him but I didn't feel an instant attraction. We hung out in the same circle and he asked me out twice and I said no but we continued to run into each other and after a while I started to see him differently. Once we got together it was like fireworks though and our sexual chemistry was amazing.
Happened to me at least once (were friends for many years before anything romantic happened between us). I also usually need to get to know somebody's personality before I feel truly attracted to them. Sure, some guys are really good looking and I might feel physically attracted to them straight away (rarely happens though mind you), but I need to get to know them more before I develop a crush!
This is how I am, usually. The few times I've ever felt instant sparks were with guys that turned out to be horrible matches for me, and the sparks faded as rapidly as they appeared.
I mostly develop attraction to someone after I observe their behavior in different situations. If I see them doing something really well, for instance handle an awkward/difficult situation with poise or being good a good public speaker, or excel at a sport, that is always a turn on for me. Attraction for a man who handles himself well can absolutely simmer and eventually burst into a spark and a crush.
For me, demonstrations of competence and capability always wins over a pretty face/body.
By that I mean at first meet, he or she is, well, just another person. You've most likely never looked at them a second time - even if you did, you friend-zoned the person..
But as time passes, you find yourself becoming interested in him or her. slowly. Before you realize it, you're striking up a conversation, getting to know them better. Eventually, you're asking them out to coffee, lunch, or even dinner.
Experiences?
Of course. And there is no such thing as a "friend zone". That's just a silly term someone came up with to deal with their rejection.
Yeah, over 5 years I began to gain weight slowly. My ex wife was very understanding, saying I looked great, that it was my imagination. But at year five, I had to seek help. After diagnosing my problem as having a 120 lb. tumor stuck to my wallet, I had a team of attorneys forever remove it from my life.
Seriously, typically you meet someone and date for awhile, and in time you realize that They are growing on you, or going the opposite way. Isn't that how things work? It seemed to be the case for every relationship traditional, and non traditional, I've every had. I really don't get how any fulfilling relationship can survive without some form of growth. It's as if people here expect to meet the perfect soulmate, who is perfect right from the get go. It's impossible to learn about anyone, in that short of time.
Since it is CD, I guess I must think outside the box, and wonder if this question was fishing for something else. If you meet someone who isn't your type, is it possible to have them grow into something special? Sure it's possible, and will happen more often then not, if your mind is open and you begin to date for fun, instead of specific agenda.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by vigueur2014
Yeah, over 5 years I began to gain weight slowly. My ex wife was very understanding, saying I looked great, that it was my imagination. But at year five, I had to seek help. After diagnosing my problem as having a 120 lb. tumor stuck to my wallet, I had a team of attorneys forever remove it from my life.
Seriously, typically you meet someone and date for awhile, and in time you realize that They are growing on you, or going the opposite way. Isn't that how things work? It seemed to be the case for every relationship traditional, and non traditional, I've every had. I really don't get how any fulfilling relationship can survive without some form of growth. It's as if people here expect to meet the perfect soulmate, who is perfect right from the get go. It's impossible to learn about anyone, in that short of time.
Since it is CD, I guess I must think outside the box, and wonder if this question was fishing for something else. If you meet someone who isn't your type, is it possible to have them grow into something special? Sure it's possible, and will happen more often then not, if your mind is open and you begin to date for fun, instead of specific agenda.
Sure, of course that is the way it works. But generally (for me anyway) there needs to be some chemistry and attraction to even want to date to see if that growth occurs. I'm just not going to go out with or keep going out with someone I have no chemistry or attraction to in the hopes that it develops.
But, its happened plenty of times where I like the person, I find them attractive, and we spend a bunch of time together and the emotional attachment never comes. And there are times it does. That is why I date, not only to make connections with cool people that I like as people and have chemistry with, but to form (hopefully) emotional connections with.
Is that a problem? You aren't supposed to give every single human that crosses your path a date and being single is not like having a deadly disease.
No, you're not supposed to date everyone, but why not go on dates simply for the fun of it and to meet new people? I went on dates with plenty of guys simply based on them asking me and seeming nice enough, not based on a prescribed list of physical traits I wanted.
Dating is supposed to be fun and an adventure, learning about yourself and what you want out of lifw along the way, not something you go into with a specific agenda or you don't bother at all.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
No, you're not supposed to date everyone, but why not go on dates simply for the fun of it and to meet new people? I went on dates with plenty of guys simply based on them asking me and seeming nice enough, not based on a prescribed list of physical traits I wanted.
Dating is supposed to be fun and an adventure, learning about yourself and what you want out of lifw along the way, not something you go into with a specific agenda or you don't bother at all.
Because if I'm going to be b@$&@?dized for complaining about having to pay for the first date as a guy, then I'm only going to take out people I'm attracted to and would not mind considering for a second date. I'm not going to take out someone who likes me I have no physical attraction for the sake to see if they will grow on me. Waste of money and time.
Because if I'm going to be b@$&@?dized for complaining about having to pay for the first date as a guy, then I'm only going to take out people I'm attracted to and would not mind considering for a second date. I'm not going to take out someone who likes me I have no physical attraction for the sake to see if they will grow on me. Waste of money and time.
Would you like to go on a date, Dissenter? I will pay but please don't order anything over $20.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Would you like to go on a date, Dissenter? I will pay but please don't order anything over $20.
This is a really poor attempt at an April Fools Day joke. I don't like being mocked. People are not getting my point. I just don't think, for me, you can grow more attractive to me physically. I have to see something I like at first glance for us to move forward.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You aren't supposed to give every single human that crosses your path a date and being single is not like having a deadly disease.
People are not getting my point. I just don't think, for me, you can grow more attractive to me physically. I have to see something I like at first glance for us to move forward.
