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I'm guess what I'm asking is...how do I make the transition without second guessing myself with his good qualities and not feel guilty. I'm only 33. I deserve a shot at real love.
You'll make the transition without second guessing yourself if the reasons for leaving are stronger than the reasons for staying. You may feel a tad guilty, but that will go away with time. You do deserve a shot a real love. I think you'll really appreciate leaving. It will be very freeing.
Honestly, I'm just so riddled with guilt over the whole "your'e not supposed to get divorced" thing. I've always tried to fix things. Make it work. I would justify his actions...Is he really that bad? Am I being too needy? I try to look at the positive. But...I always revert back to. This isn't true love. True love isn't supposed to make you feel dirty. A man that truly loves his wife only wants her for himself. I feel pimped out and unloved. My self esteem has disappeared and now I'm scared that I am going to leave this marriage and get something worse.
I don't believe in "you are not suppose to get divorced." However, I simply don't think it should be taken lightly especially if there are children are involved, no abuse, and you say that there is still something in your marriage (your original post started that there is a lot of compatibility except for sex).
However, things seem a bit darker in this post... "you feel dirty", "pimped out and unloved", "self esteem disappeared".... You first post made it about your husband but this is about how you feel; it doesn't sound good. EIther way, you should seek professional help either as an invidual or as a couple.
I think you've already made your mind up..... just its understandably difficult to make the final leap. Could you leave the marriage knowing you did your best to save it and move on without regret?
Yes, I can leave and say I have done everything that I possibly could. I feel like I just can't breathe at the thought of putting anymore work into it. It is mentally exhausting.
This is a true situation dear...unfortunatley. I have offered counseling and the husband will not comply.
Do it for you, get yourself sorted out on an indivual basis and revisist your marriage issues when you have your head a little less cloudy, not only to help you make properly thought out choices moving forward but give you a better sense of self.
One step at a time...
Last edited by rego00123; 04-03-2016 at 05:46 PM..
I don't believe in "you are not suppose to get divorced." However, I simply don't think it should be taken lightly especially if there are children are involved, no abuse, and you say that there is still something in your marriage (your original post started that there is a lot of compatibility except for sex).
However, things seem a bit darker in this post... "you feel dirty", "pimped out and unloved", "self esteem disappeared".... You first post made it about your husband but this is about how you feel; it doesn't sound good. EIther way, you should seek professional help either as an invidual or as a couple.
I think you've already made your mind up..... just its understandably difficult to make the final leap. Could you leave the marriage knowing you did your best to save it and move on without regret?
@usayit Thank you so much for saying that. I appreciate your empathy and understanding for my position. I thought I could be okay with the sex stuff, but it kept getting deeper and deeper. It did get dark for me.
You should feel guilty in some respect. You married knowing the person was not the right one for you.
Now your situation is a confused mess that you're trying throw band aids on to stop the bleeding and save your own face.
You're marriage started on excuses, it's no wonder it's ending in them.
There comes a point where all the justification and excuses do not fix anything. Then it comes time to cut the cancer and take care of the matter.
I did that for years. All it did was prolong the misery. Nothing was ever fixed or solved. It was an instance of two vastly different people on different planes.
You are soooooo right. Just reading this, instantly made me feel better.
Yes, I can leave and say I have done everything that I possibly could. I feel like I just can't breathe at the thought of putting anymore work into it. It is mentally exhausting.
Understood.... i have no doubt it is mentally exhausting. Sorry...
Then I'm pretty sure you already know what you must do for your own well being. I would recommend seeking individual counseling first. In part because the divorce process is going to also be mentally and emotionally exhausting, you shouldn't be going through it alone. If there are any concerns for your children, then you must also be prepared for that as well.. a counselor can give you some direction.
As for guilt.... you have already admitted to yourself that you feel like you can leave the marriage and say honestly that you did everything you could. I know its not going to immediately absolve your feelings of guilt but you should recognize what you have tried to do... You shouldn't feel guilty about removing yourself from a extremely unhealthy situation.
Understood.... i have no doubt it is mentally exhausting. Sorry...
Then I'm pretty sure you already know what you must do for your own well being. I would recommend seeking individual counseling first. In part because the divorce process is going to also be mentally and emotionally exhausting, you shouldn't be going through it alone. If there are any concerns for your children, then you must also be prepared for that as well.. a counselor can give you some direction.
As for guilt.... you have already admitted to yourself that you feel like you can leave the marriage and say honestly that you did everything you could. I know its not going to immediately absolve your feelings of guilt but you should recognize what you have tried to do... You shouldn't feel guilty about removing yourself from a extremely unhealthy situation.
I wish you best of luck.
Thanks dear!
I'm going to be looking into individual counseling very soon. I just have to wrap my head around being on my own. Being married has made me in a way " kept". I'm not used to all the responsibility. Thanks for your encouraging words. I have 1 child. He's 8. Ill certainly be praying.
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