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I think something else is bothering her. It can't just be the question about the bed. It almost feels like she's trying to find a reason to fight with you. Maybe (I hope this doesn't sound awful) she feels you two made a mistake moving in together and she's trying to ruin it so you "undo" what you've done and live separately again.
From your second post, she sounds like an ignorant know it all lol. Those are the worst type to date/be friends with because every coversation turns into some debate they have to win, even if it means they're wrong.
If that's the case, get used to that "feeling in your gut."
That's the price you pay for being a doormat.
Yep.
You're setting a bad pattern by accepting her behavior. As you're already seeing, you're reinforcing it by acquiescing, and it's escalating accordingly. No surprise there. That's how behavior works.
Did you follow the advice last time you asked a question?
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We communicated well enough before the move in. she hadnt done the silent treatment before. However, she does have an ego and challenges a lot of things in conversation even if she doesnt know a lot of what is being discussed. I do kind of let things go in order to not argue. However, she doesnt seem to let things go very well.
Also, she doesnt follow her own rules very well. She has made it very clear on what is unacceptable behavior by me while having already done/ or winds up doing some of those same things.
She does like to be in control and make a lot of decisions, but we usually find a way to work together/compromise. I'm not going to lie, sometimes that means I defer to her comment or just give her the last word, even if i dont agree.
The problem is that this is not a true compromise, nor is it the recipe for a successful relationship and life together. Can you imagine just deferring to her for the next 50 years?
I have a strong personality too, and lots of opinions -- but I am able to admit what I DON'T know and consider others' perspectives, especially my husband's. And I have no need to have the last word. What is that about? This is not a mature nor healthy way to communicate.
Sounds like she might be having second thoughts on moving in together and this is her way of expressing it. You aren't getting off to a good start and before you get too invested, like moving in together after only 5 months, you might want to reconsider the relationship. She sounds like a piece of work and I can't imagine how you'll handle a real argument.
Send her a text with something like "if this is all we are fighting about, we are lucky "
Brilliant! What can she say to that? If she continues to push her point and beat it into the ground, she'll be coming across like a person whose agenda is NOT reconciliation and building a good relationship. She won't have a leg to stand on, then. If she actually does fail to back down, she'll leave you with no choice but to say "this isn't working, we need to rethink this relationship". The problem is, she gave up her own place to share one with you. Someone will have to find her an apartment and a deposit will have to be paid, first and last month's rent all over again, etc.
My husband and I have had the "I like my bed, not yours" fight before. We also moved in with each other fast, like you two did. It's going to take getting used to. If you two fight "right", you'll be fine. If you communicate and make progress with every disagreement, that's the key.
Talk to each other. Figure out how to fix what went wrong and tell each other how you feel about EVERYTHING. TALK. Talk. Get it?
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