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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angela0000
I just don't know what to do, I can choose not to tell him but that will just lead to me ignoring him instead and pushing him away and I will have lost a friend who will just be confused as to why I did that to him.
You don't know what to do? If you want him as a friend, be a friend. Don't ignore him, don't create drama, don't play games. It's actually quite simple.
You don't know what to do? If you want him as a friend, be a friend. Don't ignore him, don't create drama, don't play games. It's actually quite simple.
Well, I can't be friends with him knowing that he is all friendly to those people so I suppose i'll have to back out of this friendship and let it die and as usual be on my own and go about my days knowing that I am the only one who knows what lying pieace of **** those 2 people are and watch as everyone loves them and pretend as though I don't care and as though I am totally okay with carrying all this inside me with literally nobody on my side who knows anything about how much they hurt me. Because that's how it is now and that's the way it will stay. The only one who play games are my ex, he played games on me and he even admitted to me in our relationship that he play games with everyone, including his friends because it's fun to him. I was just stupid enough to think I was the only one he really cared about. He can go on with his games, I don't care. And if I tell this guy or not it doesn't matter, he's still getting manipulated by someone regardless but that's not my problem since he isn't my friend anymore. I'm sick of being a part of this mess anyway. I don't wanna run into my ex with him and act civil, I never wanna see my ex again but I have to everyday and I have to deal with him looking straight through me as if i'm a ****ing ghost. But yes I should just deal with that. So I will. Let him and everyone else live in their little bubble of lies. I don't need to be part of that **** anymore and I don't want to be.
Like I said, i'm not trying to get him to hate them, put him against them or end his friendship with them. He can do whatever he wants to but from the way he acts he really seem to like me. A lot, and I need a friend and I like him. If he doesn't care and wants to stay friends with them anyway, then he can but he won't ever hear from me again. I don't want any drama, I just want to see if he cares as much as he seem to do. I can't handle drama, I am way too sensitive and easily stressed.
You're not trying to get him to hate them, pit him against them or end his friendship with them, but if he wants to be friends with you, he can't be friends with them. Do you really not see the contradiction there?
Quote:
Originally Posted by angela0000
So, being friends with him means I cannot tell him that those 2 people have hurt me because telling him that equals manipulating him into not being friends with them anymore? Right..
Being friends with him means you can of course tell him they hurt you. Being friends does NOT mean telling him so, pick them or me? You are sabotaging this friendship.
You said he isn't really that good of friends with them which makes it sound like he isn't spending a lot of time with them. This doesn't have to be a huge production: just a "hey, just so you know, Joe is my ex and Sally is the one he cheated on me with. I know you are friends with them, but I'd appreciate it if you could not talk about them around me."
Because I'm pretty sure you've already made up your mind to tell him and are just waiting for some anonymous internet stranger to give you permission to do so.
You're not trying to get him to hate them, pit him against them or end his friendship with them, but if he wants to be friends with you, he can't be friends with them. Do you really not see the contradiction there?
Being friends with him means you can of course tell him they hurt you. Being friends does NOT mean telling him so, pick them or me? You are sabotaging this friendship.
You said he isn't really that good of friends with them which makes it sound like he isn't spending a lot of time with them. This doesn't have to be a huge production: just a "hey, just so you know, Joe is my ex and Sally is the one he cheated on me with. I know you are friends with them, but I'd appreciate it if you could not talk about them around me."
Because I'm pretty sure you've already made up your mind to tell him and are just waiting for some anonymous internet stranger to give you permission to do so.
Thanks for being the only one to actually give an advice on how to go about telling him this. You're right, that's a pretty simple way of telling him and he'll know what they did but that I am not forbidding him from talking to them. I just feel he should know, like if it was me and I happened to be friends with an ex of his and someone that ex had cheated with and at least if I talked about them and he didn't even tell me about his history with them, i'd thought it was weird. Then again he hasn't talked about them around me, not yet at least. But maybe if that moment comes, that would be a good opportunity to mention everything to him.
Then again he hasn't talked about them around me, not yet at least. But maybe if that moment comes, that would be a good opportunity to mention everything to him.
Exactly. In the meantime, just enjoy his friendship. And if it continues eating at you, then casually say something to get it off your chest.
This is a clear sign that you're still emotional about your ex...not saying you want him back but you really need to detach yourself. And if you can't handle this guy even hanging out with them, you'll have to detach from him as well. Your choice - either "handle it" or detach.
. So any advice, please? How do I bring it up? I'm not expecting him to just automatically hate both of them and "pick my side" or whatever, but I want him to know so I can see from his reaction if he is worth keeping as a friend or not.
If you want to drive him away fast....tell him.
Why do you feel the need to burden him with your past mistakes?
Why do you feel the need to "see his reaction" to decide if he's worthy or not...especially over something that he had nothing to do with????
If you're not "expecting him to just automatically hate both of them and pick my side"..then what ARE you expecting?
I don't think you're ready for another relationship...you wouldn't be so angry over the last one if you were truly over it.
This doesn't have to be a huge production: just a "hey, just so you know, Joe is my ex and Sally is the one he cheated on me with. I know you are friends with them, but I'd appreciate it if you could not talk about them around me."
.
Bingo.
If he should happen to bring up either of their names, then is the time to let him know you'd rather not hear about them.
How on earth does he not know you used to date his friend? Surely they talk to each other. Surely he has mentioned these friends to you (did you lie about knowing them? eek).
YOU, my friend are way over-dramatizing this. I suspect you are in high school or early college. If he wants to hang out as a group, just explain that you used to date the guy and it ended on a sour note and you think it might be uncomfortable. If you meet in person, you act distant but friendly. Guess what? You don't have to give any details at all!
Not sure why this is hard? Am I missing something?
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