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Old 04-06-2016, 10:29 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
4,525 posts, read 3,384,899 times
Reputation: 6030

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I met a girl last Friday in a bar with a business group from my school, and it seemed like we immediately hit it off. She also goes to the same school I do, and wants to get involved with this group as well. I had asked her for lunch sometime in the future, and she said yes, but that it could be a while because her schedule is very hectic (which she reminded me on FB).

We've been messaging on FB back and forth for almost a week, and here's a convo that happened today.


Me: Let me know if you are going to bring any friends if you do come this Friday. Have to give the bar a potential head count. Hope to see you there, and maybe buy you a drink : ). You done with midterms?

Her: I'm sick so I don't think I'll be going out this weekend. Yes I am. Are you?

Her: Can I ask you a question?

Me: Oh, sorry to hear. Feel better! Is it the flu?

And yes, I'm done..haha. Had like 4 midterms last month. Went beast mode on them ; ). And sure, ask anything. Shoot away.

(At this point, I had a feeling she'd ask this upcoming question, which I was right)


Her: No I have my flu shot so it better not be. It's not bad just slightly sickly

I feel awkward asking this but I like to be clear on things if I'm not sure about it. Let me know if I'm assuming but do you have an interest in me? Like you've wanted to get me lunch and a drink

Me: Well, I would have preferred saying this in person, but yes, I do have an interest in you and getting to know you better. Question is, do you have an interest in me? : )

Her: Yeah I was wanting to say this in person but wasn't sure when I'll see you again and I'm not the type to lead someone on. I'm sorry but honestly I don't. I just recently stopped talking to a guy so I'm not really interested in introducing someone else into my life

Me: No need to be sorry : ). I'm glad you were honest, and didn't lead me on to anything. I appreciate it.
I get it as well, since I've done the same in the past..

Her: I'll still like to hang with you! Like dude you don't get to meet a lot of Scorpios lol
I just wanted to make sure we were on the same level before I hang out with you again


I do think she's genuinely telling the truth in that she doesn't want a relationship right now, otherwise, I don't even think she would have wanted to hang out with me in the future. I guess I'll keep on open mind with her, but shouldn't expect for her to change her mind. She's also actually only being in NY for a couple of months (this is her 1st semester), so who knows.
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Old 04-06-2016, 10:31 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,591,995 times
Reputation: 98359
Sorry, but she is not into you.

She added all the other stuff because it makes it sound less harsh.

At least she told you, though. With all her hedging, just let it go.
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Old 04-06-2016, 10:35 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,301 posts, read 34,433,441 times
Reputation: 73256
Does it really make a difference in why she doesn't want to go out with you?
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Old 04-06-2016, 10:43 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,239,356 times
Reputation: 30254
Don't burn your bridge so fast, NY. Hang out, have some fun. Maybe, she has some friends.
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Old 04-06-2016, 11:34 PM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,601,098 times
Reputation: 54727
She seems like a refreshingly honest person. She could be a cool platonic friend. Can you handle that?
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Old 04-06-2016, 11:42 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
4,525 posts, read 3,384,899 times
Reputation: 6030
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Does it really make a difference in why she doesn't want to go out with you?
I guess more in the sense if she isn't into me, or if she really doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. The latter does happen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Don't burn your bridge so fast, NY. Hang out, have some fun. Maybe, she has some friends.
True that, haha

Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
She seems like a refreshingly honest person. She could be a cool platonic friend. Can you handle that?
I can. I already have one good platonic female friend, and if nothing else, this one also seems cool as well. Unlike a lot of other guys, I can be "just friends" with girls. If something develops overtime (and assuming I'm still single by then), then I'll deal with it if/when it happens.
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Old 04-07-2016, 12:25 AM
 
5,427 posts, read 4,409,974 times
Reputation: 7253
Not interested in you. De-friend on Facebook, cease all contact. Do not friend women on Facebook until after you've become exclusive.
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Old 04-07-2016, 12:36 AM
 
298 posts, read 275,108 times
Reputation: 243
I wouldn't bother her if I were you....
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Old 04-07-2016, 01:09 AM
 
1,481 posts, read 1,218,891 times
Reputation: 1777
I would interpret what she wrote as "sorry, not interested, EVER". Women, myself included, will sometimes sugarcoat things to let down the other person gently. She probably is really interested in being your friend but don't hold your breath for anything romantic ever happening between the 2 of you.

At least she was honest, but anything you do with her from now on will be interpreted as just being friendly. If you really like her romantically, then you might need to keep your distance, at least for a little while.
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Old 04-07-2016, 01:43 AM
 
Location: Manchester, UK
914 posts, read 732,999 times
Reputation: 1868
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356 View Post
I guess I'll keep on open mind with her, but shouldn't expect for her to change her mind. She's also actually only being in NY for a couple of months (this is her 1st semester), so who knows.
You have given yourself good advise She sounds like a nice and honest person, so if you can handle "just" being friends, go for it! But don't do it just because you're hoping that she might change her mind.

Generally, when people say that they don't want a relationship, it's best to listen to them.
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