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Completely agree. She can't just sit back and daydream about her fantasies, if she wants to fix their relationship. That's not helpful at all. I don't think she has really communicated to him about how she truly feels, and that's on her. Maybe she should show him what she has written here?
But he, too, needs to be willing to do his part. Playing "happy family" all of a sudden doesn't magically change or fix everything. Did the two of them ever talk about the way he used to make her walk around on eggshells etc.? Did they work through their issues? Some people can't just forgive and forget without resolving previous issues. I think marriage counselling might help! Of course the OP needs to ask herself whether she is willing to put in the work.
Absolutely, he needs to do his part in solving their problems. She alone can not do all the heavy lifting.
Communication is the first step, not a trip to Vegas with married friends that has men "on the side" smh lol
Sounds like nothing he does is going to be enough.
She's going to hang on to the resentment for the years before...during which, I am sure, she was just perfect.
OP, leave the poor guy if you have no intention of working WITH him.
I'm sorry you are hurting, op. Relationships need to be nourished or they die. I'm not sensing either of you are doing that right now. Sharing the workload is important, but sharing fun time together is also important. So plan something fun together. A date night perhaps where you go out to eat and take in a movie or whatever else the two of you both enjoy. Take turns doing what the other likes if necessary. No children. Just the two of you. Consider taking on a hobby together, like cooking or dance lessons, again whatever the two of you decide together. Most importantly, if finances allow, plan a romantic weekend away for the two of you every now and then. Choose a place you agree on or take turns picking the place and activities. Hold hands. Dote on one another. Those romantic feelings you miss may just be buried and need nurturing to resurface. And remember, these are not the times to discuss problems. These are times to enjoy each other. No children! Good luck.
The husband tries everything he can while OP wants to cheat and justifies it and you think we're too hard ON HER???
There's a big difference between cheating and having fantasies about other men. If all men and women who had fantasies as one point or another about other people outside their marriage were considered adulterous then 75% plus of just about everyone would be hanging their heads in shame. Not sure everyone should come down so hard on her at all.
The husband is trying everything he can now but that's now....and not all those years. It takes quite a bit of time to rekindle those feelings. It doesn't happen overnight. Hopefully the OP and husband can take some time to work on each other and see if they can rekindle things.... maybe try speaking to a marriage counselor and make some time for each other without kids involved.
I don't think it's as black and white. I'm having a lot of emotions and it's not that I plan on doing something like cheating in Vegas. I just think a bit of entertainment and reality escape might put me back in a place where I feel attracted to my husband again.
I have a friend who keeps a man on the side and she seems to be enjoying it.
Absolutely, he needs to do his part in solving their problems. She alone can not do all the heavy lifting.
Communication is the first step, not a trip to Vegas with married friends that has men "on the side" smh lol
Word.
Quote:
Originally Posted by canadiangirl_2015
ok I think every one is being way to hard on the OP. I go to Vegas with girlfriends, at least a few times a year, and not to cheat, but because we all live in different cities and its a super fun meeting place and easy flight for all of us. My husband has his friend things as well. I am curious if the OP ever gets time to herself to go out with friends, work out, go do a hobby, or anything like that? So while everyone is being hard on her, she probably has a lot of resentment and that is hard to get over. She says she feels stressed all the time and didn't get help for years, which leads me to believe she doesn't do much for herself and her well being.
The OP should not have an affair, or cheat, but come on, just because he is suddenly interested again she should flip a switch and be ready at a moments notice? It takes time to re build, time to get over past things that are just getting resolved. Maybe they can't make amends and it's best to leave, I have no idea. But to expect someone to be grateful their husband is still interested and grateful he now wants to try, well that is not realistic. The OP is confused and stressed. It sounds like it's being building up for a long time. Sure, it's great her husband wants to try now. But it may be too little too late, or maybe she needs more time to get those feelings back. Why is it all about him and his time table that is now " ready" to put in some effort.
Naw.
The OP does not sound overwrought or stressed out to me. She sounds like she's ready to jump on the next guy that looks at her twice.
She hasn't considered therapy, which is what she needs. Instead she plans a trip to Vegas with her girls to 'have fun' while her family breaks apart? No. You be an adult and you stay and do the hard work.
Instead of considering therapy, she talks about her cars, and houses. Instead of considering what SHE could do to meet him halfway, she talks about Vegas.
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
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How about going to Vegas with your husband?
Get all dressed up.....
Flirt with him.....
Make him horny..... Tease him.....
Maybe his desire for you, will make you horny for him....
Make it more than just going to bed and having sex...
MAKE LOVE......
Kiss, caress, feel him up like a teenage girl, let him feel you up too..
Romance, not just sex....
Put on some heels, role play, try it with your husband....
The OP does not sound overwrought or stressed out to me. She sounds like she's ready to jump on the next guy that looks at her twice.
She hasn't considered therapy, which is what she needs. Instead she plans a trip to Vegas with her girls to 'have fun' while her family breaks apart? No. You be an adult and you stay and do the hard work.
Instead of considering therapy, she talks about her cars, and houses. Instead of considering what SHE could do to meet him halfway, she talks about Vegas.
She's not even trying.
I agree. I think she was just fishing for people to support her in acting out her fantasy of having outside action.
Sounds like the well-off, middle aged, entitled princess syndrome.
I didn't read all six pages, but why would you consider a man on the side rather than divorce? I am curious about that part.
If you were divorced, nobody would be on the side and everything would be above-board.
This is assuming you just can't get the feelings back. I have loads of thoughts on that matter but am not sure I'll willing to share them just now. But I am curious about considering cheating v. just leaving. People do have those reasons...more often than not, IMO, the reason is that there are children and neither adult can afford divorce...I didn't see you mention children in your OP, though.
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smh lol
