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There is a tendency for one partner, having been emotionally starved literally for years and now contemplating desperate measures s/he could not have dreamed of thinking of before a decade or more of sadness and aloneness, to be pegged as some ungrateful idiot. After all, nobody is being smacked around, the spouse isn't a heroin addict or cheating or a neo-Nazi, what does the person want?
Well, maybe the person wants a real relationship.
Sure, if the neglectful partner eventually turns around and tries, the neglected one SHOULD be able to snap to it and just fall in love again. But when someone has starved and choked the love out of you, and ignored literally years of pleas, it may not be possible.
I am not in any way condoning cheating, but I think this idea of the "ungrateful entitled spouse" when we haven't lived in the person's shoes is the easy way out and is often the whining complaint of a partner after a divorce. "I was soooooooo goooooooooood to her, what did she want?"
A real relationship, probably. I mean God forbid, the spoiled entitled B. She wanted a real, mutually respectful, affectionate relationship? What...just because it's a marriage and they cared about one another at one point and agreed to love, honor and so on, and silly stuff like that? That middle-aged entitled princess! And she calls herself a human being...millions of women in Tehran would have been just THRILLED to have a non-abusive husband who didn't have several mistresses. Something is screwy in THAT woman's head...........
Maybe in this case, the OP really is entitled and one-dimensional and a moron and has no sense of morality. That's one possibility. IMO, given marriages overall, it's a small one, quite small indeed. How many times is the death of mutual respect and affection literally one person's fault?
Once again: yes, the "man on the side" comment was exceptionally distasteful. I don't think anybody is going to get behind that. But I can hear the desperation for SOME sort of attention, affection, being wanted in there. That literal "this is my very last rock-bottom I hate myself for it but I am starved for love" cry for help. I would bet dollars to donuts this woman DOESN'T want "a man on the side" and her mentioning it, and being cavalier about it, is how she manages not to be hurt any more. Thinking about this is an escape for her. I can't say that with 100% certainty but I have a hunch. When you're that low, when you've been shown for years that you are utterly unlovable and undeserving...Yes, you come up with thoughts you never, in a previous lifetime (i.e. before marriage), would have so much as touched for a split second, let alone contemplated actually doing.
I say, let's hear what the OP has to say about that, and then make a judgment.
How about going to Vegas with your husband?
Get all dressed up.....
Flirt with him.....
Make him horny..... Tease him.....
Maybe his desire for you, will make you horny for him....
Make it more than just going to bed and having sex...
MAKE LOVE......
Kiss, caress, feel him up like a teenage girl, let him feel you up too..
Romance, not just sex....
Put on some heels, role play, try it with your husband....
Something like this... that's what I was thinking, too...
OP, just so you know... I get it, that you're not looking to cheat. I mean, how many times did you say "fantasy"?
If you can't find your way back to be with your husband romantically, it's probably over for you two.
What do YOU want? That's what you need to figure out. Then tell your husband.
Not in this situation. This OP sounds like the problem in her marriage. I feel bad for her husband here. Even by her description, he sounds like a good man.
I was being sarcastic,,I mean that when SHE has an affair, SHE always seems to blame HE...
its always the others fault...the cheater is the one at fault...always!
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