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Old 04-09-2016, 11:02 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,003,177 times
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Yeah same guy. We have been friends since we were 8. We tried dating last year, and it ended badly. The dilemma is we are drawn to each other for whatever reason.

We had no contact for 8 years while he was away. No letters, visits or phone calls. He got home and called me within hours.
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Old 04-09-2016, 11:09 AM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,335,737 times
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Cool story.
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Old 04-09-2016, 11:10 AM
 
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So the couch guy is who your talking about? Didn't he sort of use you and take advantage of you? And wasn't interested in a relationship with you, which you attributed to being because he just had the divorce?? That doesn't seem like a man that loves you...

Unless I'm mistaken about which ex this is.
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Old 04-09-2016, 11:10 AM
 
Location: Earth
4,575 posts, read 5,161,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
Yeah same guy. We have been friends since we were 8. We tried dating last year, and it ended badly. The dilemma is we are drawn to each other for whatever reason.

We had no contact for 8 years while he was away. No letters, visits or phone calls. He got home and called me within hours.
Well, then these still apply.

Quote:
In any case, OP. As stated, you don't have to stop loving someone. You just have to be mature and realize a relationship with them is not healthy, or will work out. You tried a relationship already, and we saw how that went. And he's controlling and a hypocrite that he doesn't want you dating while he's got a girlfriend. And he had you for a girlfriend for a while, and blew it. He showed during that relationship how little he valued you. And probably just wants you to stay single so he can always have you as a fall-back when his other relationships fail, so you can cater to him and make his life more comfortable.
Quote:
The guy claims he's always loved her, despite taking advantage of her, and marrying another woman. Then when that marriage went sour, he started dating and was engaged to another women. Then when she cheated on him, he finally came to LOL. For someone who seems to have always loved her, he sure has a bunch of women he choses over her.

OP, you really need to put this guy out of your mind, and try focusing on men you haven't already had a bad / lop-sided relationship with.
Chances are, this guy is drawn to you, because you cater to him, and he can mooch off you you, while also being able to drop his kids off on you while he runs off. Chances are, this man does not love you. And your feelings for him are clouding your mind, where you see what you want to see, which is that he has stronger feelings for you than he really does. Possible limerence.

He showed you what kind of boyfriend he was when you dated him. And he's showing you what a hypocrite he is, when he doesn't want you dating other men, but he's free to run around with other women. Classic case of someone wanting you to always be available for their benefit, and if you date or even fall for someone else, it ruins things for them.

Don't give this guy the time of day for a relationship and focus on the new guy you say seems great so far. Your luck would probably change if you didn't spend much time trying to navigate relationships with bad men, while ignoring some potentially better ones.

Why be considering going back to a mooch who cheats on you, and dumps his kids off at your house, then ignores you for a weekend. You're his fallback, and will continue to be so because you're always ready and available to be at his back and call whenever he shows up.

It's fine if you have feelings for him. But you can't always run off of pure feelings and motion. That gets a good umber of people in trouble. And it hasn't done much for you so far either.

Last edited by HappyRain; 04-09-2016 at 11:20 AM..
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Old 04-09-2016, 11:13 AM
 
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Op why not just focus on your hot blonde blue eye 32 year old gym guy???
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Old 04-09-2016, 11:18 AM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,878,328 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
Yeah same guy. We have been friends since we were 8. We tried dating last year, and it ended badly. The dilemma is we are drawn to each other for whatever reason.

We had no contact for 8 years while he was away. No letters, visits or phone calls. He got home and called me within hours.
Oh, in that case, it will be pretty much impossible for you to stop wanting him. That's good for us though. More entertainment and drama.
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Old 04-09-2016, 11:49 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,003,177 times
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I definitely do not want to repeat a bad relationship with him. I really just want to stop loving him.

I am trying to focus on the 32 year old hottie.
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Old 04-09-2016, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Earth
4,575 posts, read 5,161,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
I definitely do not want to repeat a bad relationship with him. I really just want to stop loving him.

I am trying to focus on the 32 year old hottie.
Well there's no formula for "not feeling" something. The key is how you handle said feelings. You could love someone. But know you don't need to be in a relationship with them. As stated here "Love them from a distance."

So that's your main thing. Your feelings may not fade. But just because your feelings are still romantic, doesn't mean you have to date, or sleep with him. So avoid either of those things.
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Old 04-09-2016, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,239,356 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
I definitely do not want to repeat a bad relationship with him. I really just want to stop loving him.

I am trying to focus on the 32 year old hottie.
What makes this guy so special that you cant stop loving him? Pleas give specifics, so I can understand
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Old 04-09-2016, 12:42 PM
 
3,063 posts, read 3,256,410 times
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You didn't love him in your most recent relationship? Why do you love him again now--or at least why is he apart of the equation again now and he wasn't in your other relationship? He got mad that you went on a date but didn't get mad that you were recently in a full blown relationship?
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