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Old 04-12-2016, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359

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Quote:
Originally Posted by CollegeCurious View Post
Because people tend to judge me by it
Right or wrong ...

If you date outside your race, you will be judged.

If you date a felon, you will be judged.

Judgment is not always right, but discernment is not a bad thing. You SHOULD be keeping your guard up and not building this "him and me against the world" scenario.
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Old 04-12-2016, 11:41 AM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,890,775 times
Reputation: 8594
If I was your dad, I would not care what color his skin was or what his background was. I would only care about his character and actions now. The fact that he is smoking pot and violating the terms of his probation would tell me either:

that he is dishonest and of very low character
or
that he is an addict.

Both of these mean that you are making co-dependent choices by being with him and I would disengage from your bad choices.

If you were my adult daughter, I would let you make your own adult decisions, but I would not enable you to enable him. That would mean you not bringing him around me. It would also mean not giving you financial support. Your life with him would be separate and you would have to pick up the pieces yourself when things blow up.

As an adult, you will need to face the consequences of your decisions.
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Old 04-12-2016, 11:42 AM
 
Location: NW Nevada
18,151 posts, read 15,576,374 times
Reputation: 17139
Quote:
Originally Posted by CollegeCurious View Post
It sort of does matter because his crimes were considered petty crimes. I even was about to spend time in jail over an unpaid speeding ticket,

I know what he doing isn't right but the county jail is far different from the prison
stealing a firearm is a felony offense. Usually a Federal one. I'm mystified how he got only 90 days county for that. That's a more serious issue than a B&E and drinking some milk, and he got a year for that? Something doesn't seem right. Theft of a firearm gets ATF involved. Swiping a firearm with having a prior that cost him a year, a d only getting 90 days just raises my eyebrows. That's a serious felony offense. Doesn't add up to me. Did they drop the firearm charge or something?
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Old 04-12-2016, 11:45 AM
 
525 posts, read 405,073 times
Reputation: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Right or wrong ...

If you date outside your race, you will be judged.

If you date a felon, you will be judged.

Judgment is not always right, but discernment is not a bad thing. You SHOULD be keeping your guard up and not building this "him and me against the world" scenario.

not doing that. I guess it is hard for you all to really
understand because you all are not the one dating him and also never met or seen him before. He honestly is a great person just a work in progress.


He has taking some initiatives to stop, but he always slips up every now and then. The problem is will he ever get into trouble again.
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Old 04-12-2016, 11:47 AM
 
525 posts, read 405,073 times
Reputation: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by NVplumber View Post
stealing a firearm is a felony offense. Usually a Federal one. I'm mystified how he got only 90 days county for that. That's a more serious issue than a B&E and drinking some milk, and he got a year for that? Something doesn't seem right. Theft of a firearm gets ATF involved. Swiping a firearm with having a prior that cost him a year, a d only getting 90 days just raises my eyebrows. That's a serious felony offense. Doesn't add up to me. Did they drop the firearm charge or something?

I believe he said because it was his first offense
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Old 04-12-2016, 11:50 AM
 
525 posts, read 405,073 times
Reputation: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
If I was your dad, I would not care what color his skin was or what his background was. I would only care about his character and actions now. The fact that he is smoking pot and violating the terms of his probation would tell me either:

that he is dishonest and of very low character
or
that he is an addict.

Both of these mean that you are making co-dependent choices by being with him and I would disengage from your bad choices.

If you were my adult daughter, I would let you make your own adult decisions, but I would not enable you to enable him. That would mean you not bringing him around me. It would also mean not giving you financial support. Your life with him would be separate and you would have to pick up the pieces yourself when things blow up.

As an adult, you will need to face the consequences of your decisions.



Yes I would do the same as a parent.
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Old 04-12-2016, 11:52 AM
 
Location: the sunshine state
57 posts, read 50,837 times
Reputation: 188
Someone once told me "never date someone you need to explain to your friends" and that really stuck.
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Old 04-12-2016, 11:52 AM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
28,226 posts, read 36,784,942 times
Reputation: 28561
Why don't you take a break now, let him make some progress on his own over the next few months and reevaluate then?
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Old 04-12-2016, 11:55 AM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,890,775 times
Reputation: 8594
Quote:
Originally Posted by CollegeCurious View Post
not doing that. I guess it is hard for you all to really
understand because you all are not the one dating him and also never met or seen him before. He honestly is a great person just a work in progress.


He has taking some initiatives to stop, but he always slips up every now and then. The problem is will he ever get into trouble again.
Have you had other boyfriends in the past? If so, what were they like?
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Old 04-12-2016, 11:56 AM
 
525 posts, read 405,073 times
Reputation: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
Why don't you take a break now, let him make some progress on his own over the next few months and reevaluate then?

I told him that after today I will not bring up him violating his probation ever again. I hope he is really telling the truth that he is changing
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