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Well it depends, I mean some people like to show tough love, but they don't know how to do it right, to the point where they go far enough to give you an earful of hardcore exasperation, that becomes hostile and a raging annoyance to someone. I guess you are going through a hard time with your boyfriend and the tough love he is demonstrating to you is an example of him showing to you that he really loves you and does not want you to be excluded from his life,
This is complete and utter hornswaggle. Do NOT listen to this advice. It might as well be coming from your abuser.
He's telling you exactly what to expect, and it'll get worse over time. Look at the entire package, don't look only at the good parts. Many people always choose to overlook crucial factors only to have it blow up in their faces.
His apologies and promises will always be hollow, just like your threats of the relationship being over. He is already grooming and conditioning you to respond the way he wants. Just leave and cut off all communications.
My boyfriend is emotionally abusive (or so I think). I haven't been in many relationships in my life but never have I had a guy call me names like I'm back in middle school or put me down so much. Most of this stems from jealousy. We've been dating for about 3 months going on 4. We fell for each other quite hard pretty quickly. I am head over heels for this guy and care about him so much but every time he goes off the deep end, it makes me want to run. I tell him to stop losing his temper or else it's over but he would apologize and it would happen again. He told me that this is normal in relationships, but this feeling of being so emotionally drained doesn't feel normal to me? I'm a very patient and calm person so when he gets mad, I just sit there or just leave altogether. The next morning he would always call me constantly to apologize and promise that it would never happen again, but it does. He's NOT physically abusive in the slightest, but these arguments do make me cry a lot. He says I'm too sensitive, which I probably am, but I couldn't imagine any girl not crying over some of the things he says. I honestly feel like he can be *the one* aside from the tantrums - he's very loving, affectionate, etc etc except for when he's not. He told me that he has never felt such strong feelings for someone before and that he cares about me tremendously and I don't doubt it. He can be a bit much, sometimes I mention getting some space but he gets offended and sulks. He says that everyone says things they don't mean when they're angry. I just don't understand how someone can say such offensive stuff to someone they truly care about, regardless of how angry they are?
So, what's the deal? I know looking from the outside in, I should probably run for my life. But could this be normal in a relationship? I mean I know all couples argue, but to what extent before it crosses some arbitrary line?
They have a great relationship and do everything together. They do have their arguments here and there, but it's never physical. My dad is the kind of person that also says stuff he doesn't mean when he's angry and my mom knows that about him and accepts it. They rarely ever argue though.
I guess this last time the bf went off was harsher than before and it really made me take a step back to reevaluate the relationship. I care so much for this guy but at the same time, I almost resent him for the things he's said to me, intentionally or not.
Well, your parents are kind of borderline in terms of presenting a good role model to you for what a relationship should be like. The fact that your dad says bad things to your mother is probably what you were questioning what this guy is said to you.
Your guy is emotionally abusive, but you aren't sure about this because your mother lets your dad get away with kind of the same thing, although maybe not quite the extent that your boyfriend Has gone.
Listen. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that sounds a lot like yours for nearly 6 years. I thought he was "the one" too and married him. He was great...
...except for when he wasn't. It started out with occasional name calling, insults, accusations. After 5 years it ended up with him throwing shoes at my pregnant belly and backing me into corners with his hand on my neck as he screamed in my face.
It doesn't get better. You can't "fix" him. It's not your job to do so or even to try.
There is ZERO allowance for meanness or cruelty or control in a healthy relationship. ZERO. It doesn't matter if he's nice 90% of the time. If he is abusive even 1% of the time, he is an abuser. It's not normal. It's not love.
You deserve better. Everyone does.
I get a little dramatic about the topic. I just never want another person to go through anything like what I did. I wish someone had told me these things back when I was young and naive.
OP, you are correct that you are in an abusive relationship. The good news is, you've recognized it at only 3 months in. Healthy relationships do not include anger in the first 3 months. and never name-calling. The apologies and affection are part of the abuse pattern. Get out now. You deserve better than this. Good luck.
Listen. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that sounds a lot like yours for nearly 6 years. I thought he was "the one" too and married him. He was great...
...except for when he wasn't. It started out with occasional name calling, insults, accusations. After 5 years it ended up with him throwing shoes at my pregnant belly and backing me into corners with his hand on my neck as he screamed in my face.
It doesn't get better. You can't "fix" him. It's not your job to do so or even to try.
There is ZERO allowance for meanness or cruelty or control in a healthy relationship. ZERO. It doesn't matter if he's nice 90% of the time. If he is abusive even 1% of the time, he is an abuser. It's not normal. It's not love.
You deserve better. Everyone does.
I get a little dramatic about the topic. I just never want another person to go through anything like what I did. I wish someone had told me these things back when I was young and naive.
I'm so sorry you went through that. You're not being dramatic at all. It's great of you to share your story to help others avoid the same type of situation. Hope you are in a healthier place now!
My boyfriend is emotionally abusive (or so I think). I haven't been in many relationships in my life but never have I had a guy call me names like I'm back in middle school or put me down so much. Most of this stems from jealousy. We've been dating for about 3 months going on 4. We fell for each other quite hard pretty quickly. I am head over heels for this guy and care about him so much but every time he goes off the deep end, it makes me want to run. I tell him to stop losing his temper or else it's over but he would apologize and it would happen again. He told me that this is normal in relationships, but this feeling of being so emotionally drained doesn't feel normal to me? I'm a very patient and calm person so when he gets mad, I just sit there or just leave altogether. The next morning he would always call me constantly to apologize and promise that it would never happen again, but it does. He's NOT physically abusive in the slightest, but these arguments do make me cry a lot. He says I'm too sensitive, which I probably am, but I couldn't imagine any girl not crying over some of the things he says. I honestly feel like he can be *the one* aside from the tantrums - he's very loving, affectionate, etc etc except for when he's not. He told me that he has never felt such strong feelings for someone before and that he cares about me tremendously and I don't doubt it. He can be a bit much, sometimes I mention getting some space but he gets offended and sulks. He says that everyone says things they don't mean when they're angry. I just don't understand how someone can say such offensive stuff to someone they truly care about, regardless of how angry they are?
So, what's the deal? I know looking from the outside in, I should probably run for my life. But could this be normal in a relationship? I mean I know all couples argue, but to what extent before it crosses some arbitrary line?
Leave now. It's easier to walk away for a 4 month relationship rather than a 4 year. It's normal. Get out.
I honestly feel like he can be *the one* aside from the tantrums -
No, he can't be "the one". No one who is having temper tantrums after the age of 5 can be "the one". Not for you, not for anybody. Until he grows up, he will never be "the one".
You must dump him, for both of your sakes. You are being hurt by this relationship (which is likely to turn physical, eventually, but that's a side issue). He is in arrested development and will not be able to progress while in a relationship that allows him to practice those patterns. He needs a 1 year (minimum) relationship hiatus and therapy. After that, maybe, maybe, he will be ready. But this will never get better while you are (or anyone) is in a relationship with him.
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I get a little dramatic about the topic. I just never want another person to go through anything like what I did. I wish someone had told me these things back when I was young and naive.
