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My boyfriend is emotionally abusive (or so I think). I haven't been in many relationships in my life but never have I had a guy call me names like I'm back in middle school or put me down so much. Most of this stems from jealousy. We've been dating for about 3 months going on 4. We fell for each other quite hard pretty quickly. I am head over heels for this guy and care about him so much but every time he goes off the deep end, it makes me want to run. I tell him to stop losing his temper or else it's over but he would apologize and it would happen again. He told me that this is normal in relationships, but this feeling of being so emotionally drained doesn't feel normal to me? I'm a very patient and calm person so when he gets mad, I just sit there or just leave altogether. The next morning he would always call me constantly to apologize and promise that it would never happen again, but it does. He's NOT physically abusive in the slightest, but these arguments do make me cry a lot. He says I'm too sensitive, which I probably am, but I couldn't imagine any girl not crying over some of the things he says. I honestly feel like he can be *the one* aside from the tantrums - he's very loving, affectionate, etc etc except for when he's not. He told me that he has never felt such strong feelings for someone before and that he cares about me tremendously and I don't doubt it. He can be a bit much, sometimes I mention getting some space but he gets offended and sulks. He says that everyone says things they don't mean when they're angry. I just don't understand how someone can say such offensive stuff to someone they truly care about, regardless of how angry they are?
So, what's the deal? I know looking from the outside in, I should probably run for my life. But could this be normal in a relationship? I mean I know all couples argue, but to what extent before it crosses some arbitrary line?
If you want to be in a relationship with endless arguing, up and down drama, and the emotional hurt you describe stay with him but it sounds like you do not. I think it would be too wearing on you personally. Let him find someone who thrives on that sort of stuff and I'm sure there are people who prefer to live that way. Find someone else who suits your temperament better and you'll be a lot happier.
Well it depends, I mean some people like to show tough love, but they don't know how to do it right, to the point where they go far enough to give you an earful of hardcore exasperation, that becomes hostile and a raging annoyance to someone. I guess you are going through a hard time with your boyfriend and the tough love he is demonstrating to you is an example of him showing to you that he really loves you and does not want you to be excluded from his life, now if he is being abusive and becoming aggressive and intensifying his actions, then that is when you should recommend yourself to part-ways from this dude who is provoking your emotions even more.
Not every relationship is perfect, all couples end up in situations that escalate in drama and prompt in arguments and etc... but you should be fine, let your boyfriend know what is his jealousy about and what are you doing to make his jealousy precipitate.
Well it depends, I mean some people like to show tough love, but they don't know how to do it right, to the point where they go far enough to give you an earful of hardcore exasperation, that becomes hostile and a raging annoyance to someone. I guess you are going through a hard time with your boyfriend and the tough love he is demonstrating to you is an example of him showing to you that he really loves you and does not want you to be excluded from his life, now if he is being abusive and becoming aggressive and intensifying his actions, then that is when you should recommend yourself to part-ways from this dude who is provoking your emotions even more.
Not every relationship is perfect, all couples end up in situations that escalate in drama and prompt in arguments and etc... but you should be fine, let your boyfriend know what is his jealousy about and what are you doing to make his jealousy precipitate.
People do not show other people how much they love them by calling them names and making them cry.
My boyfriend is emotionally abusive (or so I think).
So, what's the deal? I know looking from the outside in, I should probably run for my life. But could this be normal in a relationship? I mean I know all couples argue, but to what extent before it crosses some arbitrary line?
Your first sentence tells you everything you need to know. He is emotionally abusive to you. Get out of this relationship.
Disagreements and arguing happen in all relationships. No two people agree on everything, but name calling, etc. is not the way mature, whole adults handle disagreement. It's crossed the line.
Well it depends, I mean some people like to show tough love, but they don't know how to do it right, to the point where they go far enough to give you an earful of hardcore exasperation, that becomes hostile and a raging annoyance to someone. I guess you are going through a hard time with your boyfriend and the tough love he is demonstrating to you is an example of him showing to you that he really loves you and does not want you to be excluded from his life, now if he is being abusive and becoming aggressive and intensifying his actions, then that is when you should recommend yourself to part-ways from this dude who is provoking your emotions even more.
Not every relationship is perfect, all couples end up in situations that escalate in drama and prompt in arguments and etc... but you should be fine, let your boyfriend know what is his jealousy about and what are you doing to make his jealousy precipitate.
Baloney. He's abusive. She is not a wayward teen-ager who requires "tough love." That's absolutely ridiculous. She's an adult and deserves respect. If he doesn't like something about her then the adult thing to do is move on, not explain, in detail, how he thinks she sucks. That's abuse, plain and simple.
This is not normal and the fact that he keeps trying to convince you it is just speaks to the abuse. You should end this relationship and cut off all contact with this person. There is a possibility he might try to reel you back in with more apologies and promises to never do it again. Do not listen. The behavior will only change until he feels he has you back where he wants and then he will start the abuse again.
never have I had a guy call me names like I'm back in middle school or put me down so much.
...
he would apologize and it would happen again. He told me that this is normal in relationships
...
He says I'm too sensitive, which I probably am, but I couldn't imagine any girl not crying over some of the things he says.
...
he's very loving, affectionate, etc etc except for when he's not.
...
sometimes I mention getting some space but he gets offended and sulks. He says that everyone says things they don't mean when they're angry. I just don't understand how someone can say such offensive stuff to someone they truly care about, regardless of how angry they are?
You need to drop this abusive loser like a hot potato. The longer you allow him to do this, the more he will think it's okay, and it will escalate.
This relationship sounds like a train wreck. He sounds manipulative and controlling. And it will get worse. I think you know what you need to do
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