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Chasing – going after someone who has made it clear that they are not interested in you romantically. This is unhealthy and stupid.
Healthy relationships come from mutual interest.
Anyone who continues to pursue someone else who has made it clear he or she is not interested is stepping over boundaries that should not be crossed. Unhealthy boundary crossing will always be in issue with these type of people
Yeah, I don't understand why this is such a hard concept to grasp? I think some people just get off on playing games or using it as a test. I don't have time for people like that.
I have been chased and it didn't end well. In my experience (this is only me) a serious "chaser" is someone who's enjoying the chase itself. Once he has you, he turns off like a lightswitch. All of a sudden he's finding a hundred reasons things just aren't going to work out. Things that never bothered him in the slightest when he was constantly managing to be "around" and hinting, performing romantic gestures or whatever the case may be.
I do agree that some definition of "chasing" would help here, though. That five-month thing did sort of creep me out (I'm sorry, oh-eve). I wouldn't classify that as chasing. That felt more like stalking. Personally, I'd say "chasing" is not giving up after the first "no" - maybe asking again OR changing something in order to be more attractive in order to try again (that's a big one in movies, don't know how frequent it is IRL), or maybe asking friends about you and getting closer and closer into your sphere - non-threateningingly, obviously. Those sorts of things?
My "chasing" experiences really consisted of the guy just constantly finding reasons to hang out, saying he wanted to be friends while periodically "trying" again and so on. As I said, it didn't work out any time anything like this happened. It was never right to begin with and I think in those cases it was really the guy's ego at play (i.e. I had said "no"...I couldn't do that! He WOULD win me over and blah blah) or else the guy just romanticizing the chase itself (if I didn't say yes right away I must be a catch or whatever). Those aren't really healthy PsOV from which to attempt to start a relationship, IMHO and really, neither focused on ME as a person being what the man wanted.
I am making this sound like this has happened a hundred times, LOL...it hasn't...I can actually only think of a few over a period of, hmmm...20 years worth of dating. Usually when I'm not interested, that's it, it's a firm no, I am sorry; or when he isn't interested, my interest just disappears pretty much immediately. I need that feedback, the give-and-take in order to be interested. If it isn't there the person just isn't sexy any more in my eyes. Just the way my mind/heart work, I guess!
It will just drive them away or make you look hopeless, but I have seen and heard stories of a guy chasing after a girl for months, she finally gives in and they end up falling in love and get married
This buddy of mine met this girl in college. They would talk but she wouldn't say yes to anything serious. He kept chasing her and trying and trying then she finally said yes
Now 4 year slater they are married with 1 daughter and another on the way.
Few months ago she made a facebook post about how thankful she is that he didn't give up and how she was so stupid to not say yes right away
Anyway, any success stories?
It would've never worked for me. I would notice someone else along the way and she'd be a little more receptive so I go with her. To top it off, she is typically better looking than who I chase after.
I miss the old times where guys put in effort to romance a woman. Most guys nowadays are too impatient or have too many choices (or so they think) or are scared to get in legal trouble or scared of rejection. If you don't message back within a day, they move on to the next woman.
I got chased by guys when I was younger and yes, with one I had a 6 year relationship. He kept showing up at places where I was, kept asking for me, kept hanging around, I never gave him my number. Then he showed up at my school (an hour away from his place) and kept driving me home. He did that for 5 months and then became my first big love. He turned out to be a cheater though.
One guy I met at a club and we hung out all night but didn't exchange numbers. Two days later I drove to his hometown 3 hours away and put an ad in their newspaper, looking for him or asking if anybody knows him. All I had was a first name, town and funny haircut. I found him. We were together for 2 years. That was before internet.
Hey, we really do have tons of choices...
But the legal trouble is legit though. We chase after you these days, that's called harassment. To be honest, if I met you and I knew you were ok with being chased, then I will follow you to the ends of the earth...until I pass out from over-exertion.
TJENKINS - *Gasping for air* Geez this woman's fast!!!
I have never seen a guy who chases me as hopeless, loser or desperate. The opposite, actually. I feel he has great mental strength to pursue and go after what he wants, even if I don't like him back.
Only a person lacking self esteem already would feel emasculated or like a fool by courting a woman who doesn't love him back right away or ever.
I had guys send me letters and tapes and poems when I was younger. I never thought they are weak or pushovers for trying to get a date.
Then again, that could be a waste of time chasing after a woman who would never love me. The way I see it. There are many different types of women. I'm one type of man. Most women who don't like me right off the bat, I don't expect them to like me ever. I'm ok with that because I'm only one type of man. She likes a different type of man. It is nothing against my value or worth. It is just that I'm not the match for her. No one is going to be desired by every person on the planet.
My brother totally chased my SIL in college. She hated him when she met him; thought he was arrogant and obnoxious. .
OMG!! That was me with an ex!! I thought he was cute, but he was the most loudest, arrogant obnoxious fool I had ever met. I was horrified when he asked me out, and I kept dodging the issue for a while until I finally gave in and went on a date with him.
We ended up dating for about two years. LOL He was, to this date, the nicest guy I have met. I was younger and more foolish at the time, so I messed that relationship up. We had talked marriage. We are still friends. Anyway, if he had not kept on bugging me, I would have never known the first love of my life.
BUT.....Back to reality. This is NOT the norm!! SORRY...but it's NOT. So, I hope these stories don't give people false hope. I finally said yes to him because I WAS actually attracted to him, I just didn't think I liked his personality until I got to know him better. A person could end up chasing someone who absolutely has not even the slightest interest in them, and come off as a stalker.
Generally, if someone likes you back, you don't have to do a lot of 'chasing'. If you have to chase, usually they aren't that interested, or only want you if they have nothing better to do.
My husband "chased" me for about 6 months. I wasn't interested romantically, just as a friend (we worked together). After 6 months though, he had grown on me. We have been married for 24 years.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerFall
BUT.....Back to reality. This is NOT the norm!! SORRY...but it's NOT. So, I hope these stories don't give people false hope.
Never said it was. It worked for them though. Happily married, no end in sight, been together since 87 or 88.
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