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we're getting off topic here. We've been together for 1.5 years and thinking about moving in. For me, thats a big step, why? because I think she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, so yes, marriage is definitely an option.
BUT the issue is that, simply put, I'm jealous that she is friends with someone on Facebook with whom there was flirting and plans to meet again were made, and that she actually considered those plans. It all happened before we met but the fact that she still has him on her Facebook as a Close Friend therefore constantly seeing his Facebook page bothers me and I cant help it. Also, they aren't close, they just met during a trip to Italy 4 years ago and went out for a drink once, with other people. She most likely put him in her Close Friends list back then, before me, but now that we are in a serious relationship and after I let her know that she brings him up often, I think the right thing to do is to get rid of him. It shouldn't be a big deal but I don't know how to bring it up
Maybe I'm looking too much into it, but it bothers me, so I'd like to hear from you what would be the best way to approach this. I want to ask her to get rid of him but that may be too much.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nahuel
BUT the issue is that, simply put, I'm jealous that she is friends with someone on Facebook with whom there was flirting and plans to meet again were made, and that she actually considered those plans. It all happened before we met but the fact that she still has him on her Facebook as a Close Friend therefore constantly seeing his Facebook page bothers me and I cant help it.
Maybe I'm looking too much into it, but it bothers me, so I'd like to hear from you what would be the best way to approach this. I want to ask her to get rid of him that that may be too much.
You can help it. You're choosing not to. It was before you met. It had nothing to do with you.
I'd approach it by growing up and not being so insecure. It will ruin any relationship you ever try to have. We don't live in a vacuum.
we're getting off topic here. We've been together for 1.5 years and thinking about moving in. For me, thats a big step, why? because I think she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, so ye, marriage is definitely an option.
BUT the issue is that, simply put, I'm jealous that she is friends with someone on Facebook with whom there was flirting and plans to meet again were made, and that she actually considered those plans. It all happened before we met but the fact that she still has him on her Facebook as a Close Friend therefore constantly seeing his Facebook page bothers me and I cant help it.
Maybe I'm looking too much into it, but it bothers me, so I'd like to hear from you what would be the best way to approach this. I want to ask her to get rid of him that that may be too much.
Then no, you should not consider moving in with her, and I definitely would ask her to remove him, so SHE knows what she might be getting into if she were to move in with you.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Then no, you should not consider moving in with her, and I definitely would ask her to remove him, so SHE knows what she might be getting into if she were to move in with you.
Yeah, so she can say no freaking way (if she has a good head on her shoulders).
we're getting off topic here. We've been together for 1.5 years and thinking about moving in. For me, thats a big step, why? because I think she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, so yes, marriage is definitely an option.
BUT the issue is that, simply put, I'm jealous that she is friends with someone on Facebook with whom there was flirting and plans to meet again were made, and that she actually considered those plans. It all happened before we met but the fact that she still has him on her Facebook.
Oh, please.
You are no NO WAY ready to move in and even farther from marriage.
You are jealous and controlling.
It will not improve by moving in together.
One point you keep stressing is the designation "Close friend". When I first went on there, I didn't know about categorizing anybody and people are all mixed up. I have , in fact, just unfollowed some rather than do that...it's easier.
It simply isn't worth the time to go rearrange them all.
I agree with the above poster, though, in telling her I didn't want to hear about him.
I just don't want my girlfriend to be fantasizing about some guy she met in Italy.
Yes, it all happened before we met but the lines of communication are still open and she does seem to be interested in this guy, whether because he posts cool pictures of his trips or whatever it is she likes about him, she is constantly seeing about this guy.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
I'm not religious, or spiritual, or superstitious in anyway... but there is much truth in the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
The truth in there is that you can't change what others do, or think, or feel. You only have control over yourself and your actions and reactions. This is true in all parts of your life. You will never be able to control her feelings, or her thoughts, nor should you want to. Focus on your actions. That's all you can do. Ever. Her kowtowing to your desires won't change a thing other than create unhealthy control dynamics.
Again, how do you know what is going on on her facebook? How do you know who she is looking up on there? You are being very stalker like with this.
I hate to tell you this, but you can't control her. Do you really think if you get married neither of you will ever have a crush on someone else, find someone else attractive, etc. Most people do, and it's how you behave that matter, not crossing lines or cheating. I have a had time believing you are in your 30's being this insecure and controlling. So she flirted with him and was going to meet him, so what, that is the past. My husband has never asked who any of the men on my facebook list are, if I dated them etc, it just doesn't matter. I haven't asked him either.
But since you refuse to let this go, tell her you won't be with her if he is on her facebook, and tell her that goes for anyone she dared flirt with or dated in the past. I will tell you, if you were my boyfriend, I wouldn't and that would be the end of us, not because I care so much about the guy, but because you are being controlling and unreasonable telling her who she can or cannot associate with. Then go find a girlfriend who doesn't have a past at all and does whatever you says, that is what it appears you want.
Last edited by canadiangirl_2015; 04-13-2016 at 09:43 AM..
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