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Old 04-16-2016, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Howaboutno?
181 posts, read 167,666 times
Reputation: 213

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLind View Post
While lots of people here have good advice, I would suggest you go to a marriage counselor (without your wife) to find out what he thinks of the situation. Maybe to remove any conflict of interest tell the counselor up front that if marriage counseling is needed for both you and your wife that you will be going to a third party.

I was just thinking that talking to someone who sees this day in and day out and has seen what is salvageable and what isn't might help put you in a better frame of mind to make the decision that is best for you and your kids.

Good luck. I'm sorry you are going through this and hope you find happiness again soon.
She's wack; but he should go to couseling? How do you fix a pot hole? Just make the rest of the road full of holes?
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Old 04-16-2016, 08:17 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,704 posts, read 34,252,554 times
Reputation: 76917
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben theredundat View Post
She's wack; but he should go to couseling? How do you fix a pot hole? Just make the rest of the road full of holes?
The only person he can change is himself. If he goes to counseling alone and learns how to better communicate and cope with marital issues, why is that bad?
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Old 04-16-2016, 08:33 AM
 
7,274 posts, read 5,263,213 times
Reputation: 11476
Can't dwell on woulda shoulda coulda's.

You are here in this place at this time now, and can only move forward. If you believe you have exhausted all possibilities of even attempting to patch things up and nothing has worked, hanging on to nothing is worse than breaking the chains and dealing with it with your kids.

I can only take out of your situation the small amount of information in this thread. You sound like a "decent" guy, no smoking drinking drugs etc - good for you. That's materialistic good. Out of curiosity, how did you handle your wife's trauma? I've been married for 34 years, and in recent years it's been bumpy. But I've watched my wife lose her sister and mother to pancreatic cancer. I've watched her become chronically ill with pain and can no longer work and is on disability. I can only imagine how these events have changed her mentally, but since I'm not in her head it's almost impossible for me to understand.

You, like myself, have a choice. How much of you are you willing to give to support her? How much are you willing to sacrifice? You are accountable for the situation as much as she is. When chasms form in a relationship, as the gap spreads each have a chance to help stop it, but if both allow things to drift apart, it becomes so much more difficult.

One part of the equation though needs to be answered. Is there any love left?
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Old 04-16-2016, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Howaboutno?
181 posts, read 167,666 times
Reputation: 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
The only person he can change is himself. If he goes to counseling alone and learns how to better communicate and cope with marital issues, why is that bad?
There is nothing to fix... Wasting (more) time & money helps nothing other than further validation of a LIE.
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Old 04-16-2016, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,768,492 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben theredundat View Post
The man's fault, as usual..
Nice try, but "you" is also a collective pronoun that means the two of them are teaching the boys to be nasty, which is proven by oh-eve's use of "each other" in her statement.

Keep your agenda out of this couple's problem. It's off-topic.
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Old 04-16-2016, 11:03 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,647,568 times
Reputation: 73585
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben theredundat View Post
There is nothing to fix... Wasting (more) time & money helps nothing other than further validation of a LIE.
You're trying to make this about the posters, but it's about the OP, he's the one who doesn't want to leave the marriage yet.
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Old 04-16-2016, 07:27 PM
 
5,401 posts, read 6,499,468 times
Reputation: 12017
Get some counseling for yourself. Marriage shouldn't be a prison sentence.
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Old 04-16-2016, 08:36 PM
 
649 posts, read 568,223 times
Reputation: 1847
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben theredundat View Post
Men aren't wired for this kind of life, despite all the lies we're told & we even tell ourselves. This pair bonding is in the best interest of everyone but men... The longer you put it off, the worse it will be. IF you decide to move ahead? Do you think it's going to improve over time or worsen? haha

Say goodbye to half of everything your worked for. Say hello to the parts of yourself you've been missing. The best solution is to never get married ITFP.
This is kind of bs, how exactly is pair bonding better for a woman than a man? Most women work now so they don't need a man to financially support them and this might surprise you but most women actually like sex but a lot of husbands lose interest in sex or are physically unable to perform as they get older. I seriously want to know how marriage benefits women more than men.

Anyway, OP, if you're that miserable, leave. I don't see what's the point in waiting until your kids leave for college. It's not good for them to see their parents unhappy and tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. They will move on for the divorce and so will you and your wife.
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Old 04-16-2016, 08:38 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,647,568 times
Reputation: 73585
Which would lead us back to the fact that married men live longer.....
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Old 04-16-2016, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Howaboutno?
181 posts, read 167,666 times
Reputation: 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Which would lead us back to the fact that married men live longer.....
A myth perpetuated on yet another lie.
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